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This is really just a question I have wondered about for years.
People here on MB, when you met your spouse-- who chased who? I mean, I would be interested in seeing if there is any connection between shy, "stand offish" and downright Daisey Mae chasin' types of people and who winds up the BS and who winds up the WS.
It is soooo odd that one type always finds the other...
anyhew- for me:
I'd say about 50% 50%. But my husband was more serious about getting married than me.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
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This is really just a question I have wondered about for years.
People here on MB, when you met your spouse-- who chased who? I mean, I would be interested in seeing if there is any connection between shy, "stand offish" and downright Daisey Mae chasin' types of people and who winds up the BS and who winds up the WS.
It is soooo odd that one type always finds the other...
anyhew- for me:
I'd say about 50% 50%. But my husband was more serious about getting married than me. Hey Barbiecat! My FWH was the chaser and I (the BS) was the chasee. The joke between he and I is that he didn't catch me until I got tired and fell down. He and I were and have become again.....best friends. JoJo
Me46 FWH42 Married 19 yrs EA 4/07 - 4/08 (Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA) Dday1 4/13/08 Dday2 8/8/08 S26 S16 D10 Trying to Recover
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People here on MB, when you met your spouse-- who chased who? He chased me. I said yes cuz no one else was chasin' (and I was afraid of being left behind..... being 19 and never having had a boyfriend after multiple rejections will do that to ya). 30+ years of regret and accompanying resentment (AO's DJ's SD's IB's etc.) made me seek a justifiable way out. WH gave me that out when he had an A. We're still together and doing better than before due to the grace of God, a tough MC and MB. Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr. 4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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wh did the chasing. I didn't run hard, though.
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I chased my wife 750 miles, almost half-way across the country, before she caught me...
Mark
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About 50%, 50%. I asked him for the first date though. H was kind of shy back then.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I did the chasing at first. In fact, when I first saw him, I turned to my BF and told her, "that's the guy I'm going to marry."
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I did the chasing. I watched and observed my wife (FWW) for about a year before I actually chased her. I quit chasing after we got married... that led to our marriage problems.
Currently we are both doing the chasing.
WH - 44 FWW - 50 Married - 2005 d-day - 12/4/2008 NC since 12/13/2008 Her d-day 4/22/2009 Divorcing.
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B.S. here, and I did 99% of the chasing. I quit chasing after we got married... that led to our marriage problems. Same here
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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WW did the chasing including flying halfway cross country uninvited to my commissioning ceremony. Chased me for 3 more years after that until I relented.
18 years later, I got dumped so she could chase other guys...
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This is really just a question I have wondered about for years.
People here on MB, when you met your spouse-- who chased who? I mean, I would be interested in seeing if there is any connection between shy, "stand offish" and downright Daisey Mae chasin' types of people and who winds up the BS and who winds up the WS.
It is soooo odd that one type always finds the other...
anyhew- for me:
I'd say about 50% 50%. But my husband was more serious about getting married than me. My FWW and I were pretty good friends before I popped the question about taking our relationship a bit further. She said no. In retrospect, perhaps I should've listened.
ManInMotion =========== (see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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I (BS) made the first move at age 15. WH was quiet and shy. And for 30 years we were inseparable, never fighting or arguing. Post-A WH is an arrogant, self-centered bas%t#rd unrecognizable to me, our kids, his parents, his siblings, our friends, etc. He (a former altar boy) has even turned his back on God. Who da thunk?
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My WW is definitely the chaser. She enjoys the hunt.
I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband. My wayward wife is 31. Married 3.5 years. Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08. Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical. Wife moved out on 12/27/08. I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D?? Currently in Plan A. 3 yr-old son. 7 yr-old step son. 11 yr-old step daughter.
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Interesting question. Both WW and I were not very social and frankly, on the dorky-ugly side in HS We were both kind of quiet and not outgoing in the dating scene. Met at a holiday party over X-mas break in college. Took things rather slow. I guess I'd have to say WW was the chaser, but in a close race...55/45. About a year in to dating she did the whole "I want to date other people" thing. Guy at work got close to her. I should have seen it then...she's got swayed by a smooth talker. I tried letting her "date around" for a week, then had enough and said "either all of me or none of me." She still wanted to date around. I was out of there. Week later she came crawling back to me begging me back (okay, it was more like 90/10 at that point, the WW doing the chasing). She's a smart woman (Dr.) and a bit passive/aggressive, but in the end I think she's really insecure deep down inside. There in lies the vulnerability to the smooth talking guy who grows close to her (Hmmmmmm, I need to post more on my thread...this is generating some insight into the WW).
D-Papers served May 8th, 2009
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BS here and i did the chasing.
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My Hubby did the chasing definitely. He is 100% charming and able to talk to anyone at anytime, whilst I am talkative and silly with my own friends and awkward and shy with large groups or strangers. He chased me for many months, trying to get me to go out with him, before I finally said yes. Once we got to know one another and I saw how awesome he was, I wondered what took me so long. He says that the first moment he met me he knew that I was the woman he was going to marry.
You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.
I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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i think i was the chaser but could be I was manipulated. We first met in a bar in south Jersey. I sat next to her, I flirted and she told me to buzz off.
Saw her again the next day and she invited me to sit at her table. At the time a NFL player (will remain nameless) was trying to court her. Just progressed from there. Couple of dates, went on backwoods trip (she likes the outdoors) and to the shore.
Me:52 W: 52 Married: 32 yrs 2 Sons (29 & 23) 1 Dtr (20) 1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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I was just lookin up your story, barbiecat...and I came across this interesting thread. My WH practically stalked me and now he want absolutely nothing to do with me, go figure. But that was a long time ago.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I forgot about this one!
So what are the averages? Lets see...
With the exception of Mark and rwinger (forgive- I do not know if your BS/WS)
With 17 recorded The stats are: RELATIONSHIP CHASER WS = 10 BS = 5 50/50 = 2
Last edited by barbiecat; 05/18/10 08:48 AM.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
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