If you would sign, huh? Understood.

I still say see your boy this weekend. The custody issues will be nailed out between the lawyers soon enough. I would still avoid any conversation with her about the custody agreement. If WW tries to push the conversation on you, just tell her you aren't having this conversation with her now and want to spend your time with your son.

I'm assuming the 2 hr visit will be at WW's apt. You may want to take a family member or friend with you during that visit to make sure she doesn't hold DS hostage because you won't drop the custody case. Or you can always bring your handy dandy voice recorder.

************UPDATE************

WW agreed via email to let me have my son overnight tonight!! I'm excited to have my son again!! I carbon copied her agreement to my attorney.

I'm glad that she is finally willing to give a little but I'm sure it is only because of all the pressure from my attorney and the looming temporary custody hearing next week.

In a way, it might have been better for me if she remained stubborn, but if she's willing to give me Tues & Thurs overnights and every other weekend, that's a step in the right direction and I would be very happy if this became our final visitation agreement, given the odds of a man gettin more time.

But I am still going for full custody and will push for what I can get. I've gotta run and get my home ready. I'm going to set up my camera to record everything tonight when WW drops my son off.

Enjoy your visit.

Thanks POM!! I'll try to dig up anything that WW could possibly throw at me and maybe we can do a run through. I have to do some thinking to figure out what she may throw at me...

I'll run this by my attorney. He did say that if I specifically agree to certain dates and times with WW that I should stick to those. In other words, he didn't feel it would be a good idea for me to "trick" WW by telling her that I'd bring my son back in the morning at 9am and then just keep him instead. He frowned upon that.



No, I haven't done a formal background check yet. I did run his name through all the court records of my state and he was clean but he lived in the neighboring state as well and I don't have access to their court records so I really should have a full background check run just in case. But I don't think I'll find anything since he was awarded full custody of his two kids... I figure he must be doing something right for that to happen...

have fun with your boy, Erich!

************UPDATE*****************

WW actually brought my son to my house to stay the overnight. She arrived at about 6PM and gave me a brief rundown of my son's needs and left. I was surprised. She was civil and even brought back the garage door opener that she kept in her car.

She brought over some blankets, night clothes, and toothbrush for my son.

She also agreed to let me have my son this weekend, starting at around 7pm Friday. She wants him back Sunday at 7pm, but I am going to negotiate for an overnight Sunday night to bring him back Monday morning...

Why is she willing to play "nice" now? The only reason I can think of is that she knows that she would look really bad at the temporary custody hearing next Wednesday if she didn't let me spend some real time with my son before then.

I think she is covering her own hiney. I guess it is a win-win sitch for me. Her choices were either to keep my son from me and lose temporary custody of our son to me, OR give me the time that I demand with my son. Either way I win.

So, where do I go from here? I'll have to run this by my attorney. I do still want to go to the temp custody hearing even though WW is letting me spend time with my son. How do I know she won't pull the rug out from under me if we skip out on the temp custody hearing? The way I see it, she has already shown that she is unwilling to work with me on visitation unless she is threatened by court action..

I did have a wonderful time with my son tonight! He was so happy to be with me. I love that little boy like crazy. We played with some of the toys that WW left here. I took some pics of my boy and he made funny faces and wanted to see himself on my camera display after I took the pictures.

I made a video of him and then we watched it together. He got a kick out of that. When we ate dinner together, I sat next to him at the table in the seat that my wife used to always sit in and he corrected me by telling me that mommy sits there and I was supposed to sit "over there." It kind of made me sad that my son won't have both of his parents around together any more.

I wanted so badly for our son to have a mom and a dad who stuck together no matter what. When my parents divorced, I vowed that I would never divorce my wife even if it was just for the kids' sakes. But I can't give son what I want him to have. My wife has made her decision to leave me and break up our family. I have no say in the matter and neither does my son.

No sense in crying over spilled milk. We just have to make the best of the situation. We still have a bright future ahead.

Nah.
Where was she tonight? Some OM rendezvous. Any relationship with all these kids is going to want to offload them on the weekends as soon as possible.

Sorry to be blunt.

Well, I would say that you are definitely right about this weekend. It's her weekend without her other two kids so my son would have been added baggage. She'll roll around in the hay with OM this weekend at his place prob. At least I'll have my son and he won't be around that adulterous crap like he was last weekend.

FYI...waywards HATE going to court and having to air their dirty laundry. When push comes to shove next week (maybe even at mediation monday) she may be willing to sign off on a temporary custody agreement wherein you get exactly what you want...tues/thurs overnight and weekends...a 50-50 split).

Wouldn't suprise me a bit...as juggling 3 kids, multiple fathers, her OM and court dates/attorneys is a bit more than she can handle. She may sign off just to make it go away and so she doesn't have to face her own image in the mirror.

Although she's getting desperate to not appear as an "alienator", by giving you tonight and this weekend she is giving up the very likely defense to such "alienation" that you're abusive, untrustworthy or otherwise unfit to handle custody of your son.

Stick to your guns...I'd anticipate her emailing you or somehow trying to elicit from you terms to visitation prior to giving you custody tomorrow. Maybe saying something like..."Ok, I gave you Thurs night and I'm giving you this weekend ON THE CONDITION that Tues...your visitation will be from 6-8 ONLY". Don't agree...but don't give up your weekend. Simply say...I WILL handle this weekend as agreed and return [son] to you sunday evening (or monday morning before work...if you get her to agree to that) but Tuesday night can be discussed at mediation on monday. You don't have to demand anything...just don't agree to her terms up front. She has no right to dictate terms but don't give up the weekend worrying about tuesday night.

What time is mediation on monday?? You may indicate that since you haven't seen your son, in essence, nearly 4 weeks you'd prefer to keep him Sunday night and drop him off at Aunt _____, prior to Mediation and she can pick him up there after mediation. Care has to be arranged that morning anyway...so it makes sense.

Hope you're having a wonderful night with your son.

Mr. Wondering

so glad you are getting some time with your son. I still remember when I saw my son and daughter the first time after exWW had taken them. Truly priceless moments....

Like the others have said, be wary of her motives and know that she may or may not realize how deep of a hole she is in.

Enjoy your weekend and make some new memories!

***************UPDATE***************

When I dropped off my son at WW's apartment this morning, she said that she would sign a temporary visitation plan that included everything that I had asked for: Tuesday and Thursday overnights, every other weekend from Friday to Monday morning, and no men overnight with her anywhere when she has my son!

She said that she doesn't know if she will be ok with this arrangement on a permanent basis but that she is willing to try it out. She also needs me to have my son next weekend too.

She brought up that her attorney talked her into requesting separate maintenance/alimony and half of the assets. She stated in a round about way that if I agreed to the 50/50 split that she would probably back off of that assets and alimony.

I'm tempted to agree to that because I really would be happy with a true 50/50 split with joint custody. I also have employees that depend on me for a livelihood and I have a responsibility to them as well, so I don't know if I have an ethical dilemma of sorts. I could fight to the death for an extra day with my son and lose my livelihood and ability to support my son and my employee's families, or accept that I have been given a great deal and take it, count my blessings and be done (assuming WW won't change her mind...)

Gotta think about this.

But WW did say that she didn't want to go to mediation on Monday if we agreed on the temp agreement.

BINGO! Mr. W was right. Something's up.

I'm gonna have to disagree with myself here (lol).

"you'd prefer" is the WRONG choice of words here and it appears to give her the authority to accomodate your preference or not.

Instead...take the kids this weekend and then Sunday email her indicating this:

I think it would be better if [son] stayed tonight with me and then I will take him to Aunt ____ in the morning before we both have to go to mediation. You can pick him up there after mediation. I'm not playing games, I just haven't seen him for over 3 weeks and am just as entitled to take another night as you are to say I can't. I'm sorry if this interferes with any plans you may have and if you'd prefer I could drop him off to you monday morning instead of to Aunt _____.

Erich


Best case...she goes ballastic and maybe even tries to get the cops involved. This would be terrible for her case. She has no right to dictate terms and getting the police involved would be a huge mistake. Last time...as his mother, she had every right to snatch custody from her sisters house because YOU weren't there. She can't take him from YOU. But just to be sure...maybe make plans not to be home.


Also...follow this all up monday with continued requests to keep him Tuesday night. She will likely say no and deny you visitation again...which only hurts her case.

Keep your cool. All communications should be calm and reasonable appearing.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - another thing you want to make sure comes out in court next week is the fact that she is living in subsidized housing with your son. Since your focus is your son...you'll be indicating something like "she's put my son on welfare...living in subsidized housing. I work hard and my child doesn't need a handout". Many judges are very conservative. Welfare is typically frowned upon by them at a personal level.

In addition...is her apartment complex considered "the projects" in your area where the police regularly have problems? If so...making such indication in court is essential as you are concerned for son's safety living in that complex. If you know someone at the police department that can tell you whether there has been shootings, stabbings, prostitution, drug activity and the like there...that may help your case. It would be nice if you provided your attorney with some documentation or evidence he could use in court demonstrating such.

Do not allow her to take more than 40% of the assets. She has committed marital misconduct, and in the state of Missouri, you are entitled to a 60/40 split of the marital assets.

hmmmm, I'd be concerned about how that would effect alimony/child support, don't you think?

Since no arrangement is in place you have a right to demand an extra night with your son on Sunday night.

Don't fall into her settlement traps. My ex tried the same garbage with me, inviting me to her house to try to get me to back down from my legal moves to file for custody.

Take the 50/50 split now as a temporary thing. That's the minimum you can hope to get from a court and having it established as the status quo already is a big plus.

Then, after this is set as the PL order, you'll have a pending merits trial to determine custody. Odds are high that the judge will simply rule to keep the status quo, but there is a chance you could get full custody.

OR, you could save yourself the pain of the trial, take the 50/50, and avoid the very traumatic experience of going to court.

The choice is yours.

But get whatever you agree to in writing.

Remember this:

If it's not in writing, then it's non-existant and NEVER give her the benefit of the doubt on anything.

Get everything in writing.

I have a lot to think about. Everything will be in writing. My attorney is working on getting this in writing.

I still feel obligated to get full custody of my son because I want as much stability in his life as possible.

**********UPDATE***********
Ex-H called me today and told me that WW is trying to get more time with OM by switching which weekends she has the kids to match up with OM's free weekends. He said that he was sure that I was going to get my son after what she spoke to him about.

He also called her last weekend IRATE about WW taking his daughter to OM's house for the night. He's been applying pressure on her!! He clarified that he would be happy to testify in my case but that he would need to be subpeona'd. i said that that is exactly how it would work anyway. He is still totally on the side of the children and is very concerned about his daughter.

So, apparently, WW is reaching her limit on how long she can stand taking care of three kids without any breaks... I suppose with this knowledge, I should press my point and take advantage of her selfishness.

One of my main concerns is that I want my son to use my home as the primary address for his school district in case she moves around a lot which I would say is a good possibility. I don't know if I need full custody to do this. I will ask my attorney..

Having exH to testify on your behalf is a huge, huge, huge thing.

Take her temporary arrangement and get it in writing, but continue to pursue full custody for all the reasons you mentioned.

50/50 will let you register your son in your school district.

Get that in writing too. Get it in writing that your address will be used to determine school district.

These are all very good developments for you.

Keep up the good fight.