Hi Friends.

My H blew 18 months of recovery today.

Our beautiful DD21, who is an acting student, sent us her "senior year" headshots. And they are heart-stopping gorgeous.

And he wanted me to send a link to them on his work account, which I have full access to. So I did.

And today he sent them in a txt-less email to OW.

Which I caught within hours.

He lied when initially confronted. Then says "I was so proud of my beautiful daughter" and "office worker said I should send them to OW" and "I have no excuse."

I confronted him via telephone this evening. He got home from work and we talked for a bit, without any resolution. We had dinner, then he fell asleep for 1.5 hours, until time to take DS14 to bed. I woke him up.

We talked for a while without any satisfaction or resolution. I think (and he says) he is getting a bug, thus the sleep after dinner.

I have told him I am scheduling a poly for him, and that he needs to come here to post on his own. He is not objecting to the poly.

Not sure what else to do.

Arggh. This stinks.

If he posts here, please work on him. If he doesn't there is nowhere for me to go except I go alone.

So sorry to hear this!!!!

Chrys,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope he does come here so he can really see what he is doing. I hope when he does he will come in ready to hear stuff he isn't going to want to hear. Time for him to pick up the ball and carry the weight of it.

Have you looked into a poly already? What is the timeframe in getting one set up?

Big hugs to you.

LC

Gosh, sorry to hear this. I'm wondering why an office worker would tell him to send the pictures to the OW. Doesn't really ring true.

I DO think he was proud of DD, but what in heck was the guy thinking?

I agree with Believer. That doesn't make a lot of sense. He's lying about that too.

So sorry to hear this.

Chrys,

Sounds to me like he certainly doesn't yet "get it" as far as NC goes and how important it really is. It is a requirement not only to keep the A from rekindling but to stop the pain of the BS.

Why would co-worker ask him to send the pix to OW? When he says this, it could be a lie. But does Co-worker know about the affair? Does CW know OW but not understand what happened?

What I'm driving at is that I can see two reasons to resume contact. 1) He wants to re-ignite the affair or 2) He really wasn't thinking and when CW said "send it to OW" not realizing that OW and WH had a history beyond work and WH just doesn't understand that this isn't simply a matter of him controlling himself with OM but having NO contact of any kind with her.

If #1, why a text-less email including pix of DD that he is clearly so proud of.

If #2 why would he even bother? The answer is that he doesn't "get it" yet and was really not giving you any consideration when he did it. Which is a different problem.


As long as it wasn't contact to rekindle the affair, which a polygraph might prove one way or the other, it could be a great opportunity for him to see what NC really has to mean. Maybe it can be used so to teach him so he does "get it."

Don't shoot him yet, but if it turns out to be #1, I'll lend you a gun.

Praying for you...

Mark

The text-less part of the email sets off my red flags. That makes me wonder if he is not communicating in some other way. It is ODD that he would just send a link to pictures with no explantion whatever. So, it sounds to me like a polygraph would be very much in order.

I think it was probably #2. Office worker is a friend of OW. But the poly will tell the story, won't it?

Sorry Chrys,

Why would a co-worker say that? Sorry, but I don't believe that. And let's just say for one moment that co-worker did say it, has H had OW's email address all this time so that he could send the pics to her?

ML, the pictures were identified with her name. And they came from his work email. I suspect that office worker told OW about them and passed a message that she wanted to see them. They really were stunning, and once he showed them to his current staff he had people all over his building coming to ask to see them.

The only clue he has given me is that he was extremely proud of her and wanted to show the pictures off. Looking for outside admiration.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. The poly is non-negotiable.

Yes, he has had her email address all this time. She never changed it. That is not really surprising to me.

Why is H talking to OW's toxic friend? This would be a boundary for me. No interaction with toxic people.

Chrys, what is doing to stop the office worker from passing on messages from the old ho? Does she not know about the affair? He clearly needs to put a stop to that.

Does he WORK WITH THE OW??

OW's friend is not someone I know to be toxic. She is the last vestige of his old staff. She's a receptionist.

He does not work with the OW so far as I know but I am going to add that to my growing list of issues to be explored on the polygraph.

Chryslis, does she work at the same company?

Chrys, then how could she befriend a skank who pursues married men? Just the fact that she is encouraging contact between the affairees makes her toxic. She is the enemy of your marriage.

Coworker is toxic IF she knows of A and told your H that. Does the coworker know of the A?

She left the company while the A was still ongoing. So far as I know she works at a hospital in a neighboring town. This is not the hospital H usually goes to.

I verified this 18 months ago but will obviously have to find out what the current situation is.

I do not think coworker "knows" of the affair.