Chrys,

So sorry this is happening again after so long. Just seems strange that after 18 months of NC he would send pics with no explanation? Hopefully she is done with him and does not respond.

Chrysalis,

Do you know that he is posting here now?

Yes. I required this of him.

Crysalis,

I am so sorry about this

Its great Chewie is posting, I don't if it will work in the same way, but posting even infrequently, helps Flick alot.

OT, T2L is thinking of having a BBQ at her place in march when we are over, hope we can catch up with you and chewie again, as well as DS14 (got it right i hope )

Lil, thanks, Would love to see you & Flick any way we can when you are here!

Cool, will email you info a bit closer.

How are you? Is Chewie doing what he needs to do? Can you give him a slap from us? Flick said to say sorry and too. Give DS14 a from us both, we still think he is just the bees knees

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope he gets a rectal craniotomy soon.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write to Chewie on his thread. He has read this morning's replies and has had to go take hospital rounds for the day (verified.) He looked pretty awful when he left.

I'm going to be fine no matter what.

Thanks to Lil & Flick for the shout out to the family! Hugs to you both.

Chrys, I didn't want to say this on his thread because I didn't want to pile on, but he mentioned that there were many angry posts. The posts are angry because decent people get angry at injustice. I am ANGRY that he was so thoughtless and cruel to you. I do not deny that. I AM ANGRY.

Thanks, ML. One reason I wanted him to post was to force him to some kind of accountability. I told him that last night, and don't care if he reads that here.

Whether or not it will be enough to make him really get it, we shall see.

I think it's helpful for him to see how others react to his cruel actions. I would point out to him that many on that thread are FORMER WAYWARDS themselves so he doesn't try to dismiss betrayed spouses as "biased."

Chrys:

I will be posting to Chewie. I encourage you not to buy into his current rationalizations. Given his profession, he does have the capacity to THINK carefully before ACTING. He should use the SAME CARE for YOU and the MARRIAGE as he does to his patients. He of all people has NO EXCUSES for his ACTIONS. I was NOT ANGRY when I posted to him so he was making a PRESUMPTION to fit his need to discontinue hearing us.

Either we will get to a bedrock of truth on which our marriage can continue, or we won't. I'm pretty checked out emotionally from the outcome.

WOW!! How'd you accomplish this feat? That's a whole lot of miles on the treadmill!!

I dunno. I am calmly contemplating the fact that I may need to decide to end the marriage, and can't afford to have a lot of feelings for him right now. That may not be healthy in the long run.

It really isn't about me and what I feel, it is about him and what he does.

I think trying to maintain EMOTIONAL CONTROL right now is WONDERFUL for you and ABSOLUTELY HEALTHY!! He will try to appeal to your emotions which will result in weakness. It is important for you to maintain your PERSONAL POWER and his RESPECT!!

EXACTLY!!

T/J

Mimi,

Will you pop on this thread---> HERE

I think you can help this BW.

Chrys - I hope you insist on a polygraph.

bk,

I have told him that a polygraph is a deal-breaker.

A little while ago he talked to me about tst's suggestions (before knowing anything about tst's story.) He agreed to most of them (even though I haven't asked!) The only thing he balked at was that if I want a post-nuptial he wants an attorney that represents both of us. (Any attorney dealing with a post-nuptial would advise him to get his own counsel, so I could care less about that detail.)

And frankly, I am thinking over which, if any, of those things I want. What I want is for him to get it. I'm not sure that another round of counseling with Steve or Jennifer or the MB weekend would make any difference, but I'm sure open to hearing about that.

His request to tst for more specifics was at my suggestion after we talked about some potential ones. I think it would be good for him to work on that.

When he was an active wayward he would openly scoff when I would mention the word "boundaries." He HATES the concept. He is not reacting that way any more. I think it would be really good for him to work with people to flesh out in detail what he will do for EPs.