No, people are typically embarassed and exposure never happens to anyone. Since my mess people have come out of the infidelity closet in droves. Even ExMIL confessed an EA to me during the chaos. :RollieEyes:


BEST BEER ON EARTH!!

So quick recap

Good Pizza
Free Beer
Nice Day Job

Do you really have anything to complain about?

Nope.. no real big complaints here.

Well.. apart from the dog trying to spoon with me at night..

just make sure he's the little spoon.

You ever feel like a yoyo?

So the paperwork on the D still isn't in.. and it's really largely because WW is now unhappy with the agreement and is trying to negotiate more money based on a mistake the attorneys made.



So I'm in the midst of trying to compromise with her as really all she's asking for is more money.. which I understand.. she's going to need diapers and formula soon.. but that's really not my problem.. still.. it's support money so in theory at least it's going for DS.. and if it makes his life or DSD's a little easier when at his moms.. it's no biggy.. it's not a rediculous amount anyway, it'll just take longer for my plans to come to fruition..

Not really a down note.. more a self realization thing though is that I've got my doubts that I'm 'relationship ready' just yet.. the two contacts I'd been juggling have kind of petered out in a wave of general disinterest and more specifically a lack of time due to to things I am really interested in, like my kids, work, and my band. I've kind of slipped into a mode at this point of general apathy towards getting into another relationship.. there's responsibilities and headaches involved with relationships that I'm just not entirely convinced make it worth the benefits to me right now. I suppose if I meet someone fantastic and hit it off, I'll re-evaluate.. but I think I'm going to hang up this meeting women on the internet thing for a bit.. I'm really not actively searching anyhow.

Is WW pregnant by OM?

I wouldn't give a dime more. Have lawyer tell WW that the OM should have no problem supporting his OC. It's the least the OM would want to do for his soul mate and OC.

Unconfirmed.. but I have good reason to believe.. she's pregnant.. whether it's the OM's or not I really have no idea. I just know the baby, if there is one, isn't mine.

I just live in a different mind set of reasonable actions..

I didn't mean to say that it wasn't a reasonable expectation that it wasn't WB's kid... I just honestly have no idea to say for sure one way or the other. I've learned to put nothing past her at this point.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that DS will probably be marginalized the same way she did DSD when he was born.. I really probably wouldn't care at all anymore.

WW and I simply don't talk to eachother about much of anything, and honestly as Chris has so eloquently said lately... that's the way uh huh uh huh I like it.

So long as DS is ok and provided for and cared for, I really have no reason or desire to see or communicate with her at all.

Hi James,

Just got caught up on your thread.

Since I am not into cars much, got a little lost in 'memory' lane exchanges...did see the animated movie CARS though... so I was able to follow....a little! :crosseyedcrazy:

You sound good running your 'show'...

Take care.

Yeah, the SBSofaBP show is going pretty good. It's not without it's twists and turns though.

Still no decree in hand, and while my attorney is waiting for some kind of correspondence (it's been a week mind you) confirming the deal so we can finally get on with this the court has taken it's own action in scheduling a hearing on the courts motion to dismiss since it's now been over 60 days. Talked to the A about this yesterday, and he says it's no issue.. they'll push for some more time if we need it. Her A assured him that it was a 'done deal' and that she'd push the agreement on her employee.

Push for more time? This has gone on long enough.. I want this overwith -now-.. It's costing me in insurance and I'm paying about double what I should each week in support right now.. my bills are stacking up dude..

In the meantime, I've independently confirmed that not only is the former, (or maybe not, but probably will be ex soon enough) Ms. Jamesus knocked up.. but she's far enough along that they'll know the sex of the child in the next week or so.. and in further news plastered all over the internet, she's accepted his offer to become the future Mrs. Wonderbum. So, congratulations to the happy couple on their future nuptuals.. they deserve eachother.

The IQ continues to reach out from time to time.. I'm not sure what she's looking for, but so far she's hit the bottomless black hole of my just not giving a f about some catty rude people who sadly.. just suck.

DS is doing well.. he's struggling though with his preparations for Kindergarten.. we've had a few discipline issues at school and he's starting to act out a bit more than is usual for him. We're working on it though, and I'm sure by the time Kindergarten rolls around he'll be ready. He's a sharp kid.. when he wants to be. He's clever though.. and much like me.. he's kind of a hard read sometimes.

On my end, things aren't too bad.. holding down the fort and trying to hang on to my job. We're laying off more guys on the floor next week, and there's a high level of anxiety around here. So far we've escaped the axe, but if this goes on much longer I'm really not so sure. Fortunately I have several friends in the industry down in Indianapolis, so at least I could probably get some contract work somewhere if things go casters up here.

The band is doing good.. we played this past weekend for the first time with our new guitfiddle player. I think the kid is going to work out.. there's 'girlfriend' issues there though, so we'll see how it pans out. The show itself went pretty well and I reconnected with a lot of my old friends in the scene up here close to where I live. Next step for us is to track, record, and mix the new cd... not the funnest part, but it's a change of pace and will get us to where we need to be to keep the hobby supporting itself.

I've put a few more feelers out into the dating world, but so far nothing serious is developing. I kind of like it that way for now.. takes a lot of the pressure off, and still gives me plenty to occupy what little spare time I have.

DS's birthday is coming up, so that's the next thing to get through. No clue what WW is planning, but DS wanted to have a small party with just 5-8 of his close friends.. so I think we might go bowling, or I may even just host the party at the house.. should be fun right?

James,

It's amazing, isn't it, how the pace of the court system never seems to match where we are in the journey? It goes too fast when we want it to come to a halt - - and moves like a snail when we can't wait to get past the finish line.

Yet another lesson in patience.

Bowling or a party at home definiately sounds like a fun time to me! And I'm not one for bowling,,,,,,,the shoes are just too NON-GODDESS like for my taste!

Glad things are going well with the band! It's nice to have an outlet & social interactions, isn't it? I always felt better when doing things with friends/family and it helped lessen the 'pressure' I sometimes felt about getting back into the dating world. It all comes in good time (I hope!)

Any further thoughts on your trip thru the Lo? I don't know if you noticed my earlier post with my email. bugsmom1115@gmail.com. I'm not putting it on my sig line, but am happy to leave it within a few select threads,,,,,I've heard from a few folks & would love to hear from any of The Amigos who care to touch base!

I was getting concerned about everyone,,,,,it's been pretty quiet this week but I was happy to see some posts by most everyone late this week!

I gotta run. Have a great weekend. Keep up the positive attitude!

It was nice to read an update from you, James.

I see that there are few bumps and challenges facing you right now...though it sounds like you are doing pretty good handling them!

PS ...oh....and I like you thread's new title...

There's actually a whole host of lessons I've taken from the great wait that has been in place since Dec 8th.. not least of which is a reinforcement that WW is completely without honor, self respect, or decency.. and places no value on her promises/agreements/words. It's a good reminder to keep in place when I part of me starts to question the validity of her hate filled rants.

The other, is that peace comes with a price.. sometimes it's in money.. sometimes it's in emotional energy.. sometimes it's in frustration..

Sometimes I just feel like I'm working with monkeys.. but trained apes could probably have gotten this done with more alacrity.



Just get some rhinestones and juice those babies up.. a quick hit with the Bedazzler and you'll be the goddess of the lanes fo sho!



Me too actually.. It really serves its greatest purpose by giving me something to look forward to in the spaces between my time with DS. It also gives me something that I can really take pride in, and feel accomplished with.. my job does that to some extent, but in many other ways the band has filled in a lot of the pride I felt when I'd look at my intact family and think on how far we'd come together... at least with the band in there it's not a depressing vacant hole in the wall where a fixture used to be in the landscape of my mental/emotional living space.

Plus... chicks dig bass players right? :RollieEyes:



Yup.. I saw the post and you're in my address book on my webmail account. I meant to send you something to confirm that but it just got away from me. The plan currently is to fly down to visit with my brother and my SIL for Memorial Day weekend to pick up my dad's old GMC truck.. I'll probably leave Sunday morning/afternoon from Wichita, and was thinking I might spend Sunday night in the KC/StLou area and finish the trip home on Monday.. haven't really firmed anything up beyond that.

Luna

Just like any road, there's bumps in it.. but I've got pretty good shocks and struts these days... hence the thread title actually.

I debated for a long while whether I was just numb, in a general malaise, or otherwise emotionally disconnected.. debated whether or not I had a 'problem' that maybe I should talk to someone about.. but the more I examined it, the more I realized that the numbness and the hollow sounds coming from the love bank repository were only directed in WW's direction.. I'm still very passionate and excitable about most everything else.

When it comes to WW though.. unless DS is directly impacted, I really don't care anymore.. and that's not a 'problem' from where I'm standing. It's just the way it has to be for me to put her behind me and transition from a process of healing or basically just getting back to where I was before DDay, to one of rebuilding.. making something new and better out of my life..

I can't say I'm done with the transition.. and those phases have often proven difficult for me.. that whole growth thing isn't pain free afterall... but I am making progress on my life, and just working on every day doing something.. no matter how small that makes me proud of myself. It's a good reward at the end of the day.

So Jim is cool... he's not emotionally distant or unavailable.. he's not anguishing or languishing in the past... he's not overly excited or reactionary about what's going on currently, but still remains optimistic about what the future may bring.... Jim's just cool..

Ok... deep breath

Alright... well, Jim is cool. It's my new mantra.. my new way of life it seems.

I've actually intentionally stayed away from posting much the last few weeks, and TBH it has helped in my reflections. It's kind of allowed me to provide my own analysis on the last year and a half, without much input from the peanut gallery.. even though you guys are my favorite peanuts for sure. It's just something that I needed to do.

Some minor updates in the works.. there's finally a document making it's way around the lawyers and the sitting judge on the case that resembles a decree. I should have my copy once the judge signs it... so that's all done... FINALLY.



It's also closing time for the Amigos to bestow another amusing acronym for a potentially significant other. I've mentioned her before, and my concerns about her having 3 boys with no papa in the picture. We've gone out a little bit now, and really seem to connect on a lot of levels. It's actually pretty impressive to me to be treated so well by a woman again. I'd really forgotten what that felt like. She stayed over at my place for the first time this weekend due to feeling a bit sick.. some residual food poisoning from an ill advised fast food trip earlier in the week (get your minds out of the gutter kids). We're taking things slow at this point, and being mindful that both of us are recently divorced BS's with children to consider.. we talk pretty openly about where we are, and it's been said more than once on both sides that while right now we both have the natural urge to accelerate this along the 'infatuation' path, it's even more important to the both of us to get it 'right' this time.

So far so good.

We've gone to see some live music, I've leaked some of the band's new stuff to her which she absolutely went nuts over, and next weekend we're going to this little piano bar with her younger brother who just got back from Iraq, and her friends.. it's to be my trial by fire. She's already pretty much smitten my friends... which I take as a pretty positive sign.. none of them really ever liked the IQ.. I've found someone who seems to have had many of the same experiences.. some very similar FOO background to my own, and enjoys intensely many of the same things that fill my life with joy.. I could do much worse, and must say, she makes me very happy so far.. it's nice thinking of her first thing in the morning instead of trying to fight the endless creep of things IQ deserves to hear..

DS had his birthday on Saturday.. I wasn't invited, but we're throwing a party this weekend for him, some of his friends from school.. I sent an invitation for DSD, but am not really holding out any hope for an RSVP. Friday night we went to an arcade/pizza place and had a blast. DD's mom and half sisters actually ended up showing up and sitting with us and playing with DD and DS which was cool. Oh and the glare I got from the IQ when she came to retrieve DS at the end of the night and saw me standing what what I've heard referred to as 'Some blonde bimbo' (I'm assuming she didn't recognize DD's mom).. it was priceless... she has absolutely no idea about the woman I'm actually seeing.. and if she thought DD's mom was a threat in the youth/looks department.. well.. we'll just brace for impact now. Of course I suppose I should be sympathetic as IQ has gone downhill for the last year.. and now pregnant is probably terribly self conscious.. Nah.. no sympathy here..

All that to say I suppose there has been some kind of catharsis in the last few weeks.

I'm still trying to organize my thoughts and words about it... and I'd really like to do a post that pretty much looks back at my thought processes throughout the whole ordeal.. maybe it'll help someone come to grips with their rampant thoughts and emotions and understand them for what they are... understand the real consequence of being gripped by fear and unwilling to fight for yourself. I'd hate to see anyone make the same mistakes I did, just because they didn't understand what they felt and feared and were just too damned stubborn to listen to the wise people here.

Jim is cool folks.. and life is starting to get back on the right foot.

I don't really think much about IQ these days.. I'm 'aware' that she's pregnant, planning a wedding, and buying a house.. two things that were HUGE triggers for me last year, that simply 'are' today.. Good for her.. I hope she gets what she wants.. and for WB's sake, and his unborn son's.. I sincerely hope he can continue to provide whatever that is.

Jim is cool!

I'll try to get the summary up in the next couple of days.. no time before having to leave work and get to DD's swim meet tonight.. Heh.. it's been busy at work too, thank goodness.

Ok.. that's all I have time for right now.. love, prayers, and hugs to all of the Amigos and everyone else who might have the misfortune of stumbling onto this thread.

Well well Mr. James! Sounds good from here!

I hear you on the homefront about not posting...

Remember the time when we simply could not go a day without posting and here we are now, not posting for weeks on end...now that's progress!

Fabulous job of living life and not letting it live you!
kudos to you and your's...

The fabulous thing about you posting is you know what you want and you are going after it...relationship wise...

What you wrote, I HEARD and needed to hear it...

I was just talking to BC about some of this kind of stuff and you nailed it for me...so thanks, I got something out of it!

Well, it's good to know that you have finally caught up with wha the rest of us have know for some time!


It is good when we can take some time away from here,,,spending it totally IRL,,and then return with an update on our perspectives. RL is where we have to LIVE our lives. It's just a matter of when the time is right to really be in it. Different for each one of us.

I am glad things are going well in your new R. We'll need to know a bit more about her before giving her a name,,,,,for now maybe you can just use her initial? I'm glad to hear of the things that are binding you together,,,,as well as that you are both aware of the challenges, pitfalls, caution that you want/need.

As with the calming of the IQ triggers,,,time is what it takes to test the waters in the new R. You have a good perspective on that.

It is hilarious to hear about the IQ's comments upon seeing DD's mom! As you say, she's likely not feeling really confident in herself these days with the pregnancy,,,,,don't forget about the raging Hormones going on with that! While you don't 'need' to hear that kinda thing, it does give a bit of satifaction, doesn't it?

Yep,,,things are good. Jim is Cool!

Hope DS's bday is a blast!

And a happy Tuesday mi Amigos!

The weekend was pretty good actually, and as things always are with the children around, it was an adventure.

I went out Thursday evening to order DS's birthday cake. He wanted a Transformers party, so I had gone out last weekend and picked up all of the party decorations, grab bags.. instead of party hats they had these masks that you had to practically be an engineer to assemble..

Just one teeeeeeeensy weensie problem.

The place where we -always- have our cakes made.. had no Transformers cakes..



So I ponder and ponder, and end up sharing my delemma with 'B'.. Let me start out by saying that while I luuuuurve to cook, baking is frought with all sorts of dangers and carries with it a strong risk of FAIL in my hands... So she throws down the gauntlet and I end up buying some cake making stuff.. James is gonna make a Transformer's cake..



Now usually my 3/4 sheets run me about $20 out the door.. so I get all the cake mix and decide that I'm going to head out and pick up some 'little' Transformers to build a little diorama on the top of the cake.. because heavens knows that Transformer stick figures just aren't cool.. and Jim -is- cool..



So Friday night, after dinner the kids and I start this whole baking process. DD -says- she knows what she's doing so I let her take charge.. but like any 13 year old, she has the attention span, focus, and self control of a ferret in a room full of mirrors. So.. an emergency call to 'B' for clarification on some of the more ambiguous instructions on the box.. got a few tips that saved me from ruining the whole thing by too closely following the printed word... It's really a good thing she walked me through the initial stages lemme tell you..

:crosseyedcrazy:

And in the end... DS, DD, and I had designed and constructed a Transformers cake, that probably ran me close to $40.. plus time and effort to make.. but it was, in the birthday boy's final estimation.. the coolest cake ever.

Yep.. Jim -is-


The party went off pretty well, and everyone had a good time, and the boy of course got spoiled rotten, as it should be for his birthday. Aaand in all the excitement actually crashed out on my lap early Saturday night.

And now for some sports..

DD's doing pretty well with her swimming, and is really drawing close to her divisional times. She's still got one more year to knock a second and a half off of her 50 freestyle, and 100 backstroke, and about 15 seconds to kill on her 500 freestyle.. it's all in reach if she works for it. Last night was a pretty rough meet against one of the county schools, who completely dominated us, but the girls on DD's team put in some epic swims in some of the distance events.. we just couldn't keep pace with their sprinters.

The new team timing and scoring guru (yours truly) is actually getting the hang of the computer system fairly quickly.. only two home meets into the season and I think last night's meet went off without a hitch.. getting better every day.

DD's community volleyball team is doing pretty well too, they're on a travelling team schedule this year which means every Saturday and/or Sunday we'll be busy until the end of June..

Plus.. DS can start baseball this spring, and football in the fall..

:crosseyedcrazy:

Looking forward to this weekend.. 'B' is bringing her friends along, so I'll finally get to meet a few of her closest friends, and her brother just got home from Iraq, and missed his 21st B-day while over there, so one of the missions is to get the young soldier sauced.. should be a good time. I used to go to the place we're going and see the same guy play the piano almost 10 years ago.. it's always a fantastic time.. just write what you want to hear on a dollar and he'll play it.. and he almost never misses.. good times



It's hectic.. but Jim is cool.

And THAT my friend is the ONLY opinion that matters, isnt' it?!!


Way to go! Even with telephone assistance, making your own Transformer's cake is a WAAAY cool thing for ANY parent to do!

You sound good, my friend. I'm so happy for you!

Definately