Hi SSS!

The rollercoaster is just a b1tch#. Today I contemplated homicide, suicide, spousicide, my navel, a romantic honeymoon, and looped back in that order.

I think what happened to me is that the pain has slightly lessened each week since d-day, but the rollercoaster has stayed the same....I think it is nature's way of making darn sure you think your mating options all the way through for gene procreation purposes.

The first few weeks it was like getting hit in the head with a cinder block every ten minutes. I'd be coaching baseball or something, get absorbed...and then remember and WHACK!

I have to go to court Feb 4. My attorney spoke to OM's attorney and, after the details in my counter complaint agaisnt him, OM wants no part of a trial or anything but a mutual dismissal.

My attorney is sure the prosecutor and judge will rubberstamp it. But you stil have to show up. Hopefully I don't lose it and deck him in open court. That would ......be a bad thing.

So....I'll update you next week on my thread. Also, WW has IC tomorrow and I have it on Friday, so that will be interesting.

I'll go check GM's thread.

Good morning. Hope things are going okay for you. I think it will be a bit harder for you in recovery because you have the added difficulty of feeling like you don't want to upset hubby right now.

Talking to the Harleys should help him, and of course all the people here. Mike is wonderful and hilarious - his personality really comes through the computer screen.

I used to really get a kick out of some of his postings. Sorry, Mike, I know it wasn't funny, but I think you know what I mean. Maybe you should have been a writer!

Anyway, take good care of YOU, SSS. Come here if you're going crazy, and we will listen.

Good morning to you as well believer! I hope today is a good day for you. Thank you for your post.

I am taking this time to fill up GM's love bank. I could not be mean to anyone in his situation so it is really easy to be kind when I am still angry and sweet when I want to yell. I am working to build up a balance so he does not feel this is so hopeless that he wonders about straying. Even if it does take a bit longer I think we will come out ahead because of that. He has been working hard at being very kind and loving. My bank is beginning to rebuild because of that (he not only depleted it I feel like he nuked the site!). I am hoping that this early work will lessen the time if only for a small bit.

Everyone here has been so helpful. Even the posts that make you jump and freak out and be upset. They all are valid and give you another way of looking at the situation. Every single person here has helped. Mike has been bedrock for me and yes, he keeps me grinning. You just have to find the funny things, tease yourself a bit and have a chuckle. I must anyway or I would hide under my pillow and cry. I am a believer that you take what has come and deal. Then you go on because the past can't be changed but you sure can make the future better, especially if you acknowledge what has gone wrong before. At least I think so in my "drugged" state. Man did that anti anxiety drug do the trick!

Just be prepared for the rollercoaster. Mike describes it very well. Somedays you will feel fine, and other days, will wonder why you are even bothering.

Hubby seems to be a good man who gets it, so I'm very hopeful.

Well I am climbing that first big hill as I write this. WH had his first phone session with Dr. Harley. He had to leave directly after so he called me and told me about it. Apparently he has to tell me details about the hookers. The how, where, why, whats and I do NOT want to know any more than I do now. I understand it is for healing and I will take a deep breath and take it like a woman but I feel out of control already and have that just punched in the gut feeling just thinking about the pain that is coming. There was much more, most of it sounded great to me and he is excited about doing it. He has always been very project oriented and now he has another big project to work on.

I think I will always know why I am doing this. No matter how withdrawn we were from each other, no matter how little he ever noticed I was breathing, no matter any of that I have to say that the times we were together were amazing. We work. I don't know how else to say it. He was always my best friend and we just work together. Why he pushed that out of his mind every time it happened is not something I can understand but he did.

So, I have purchased my ticket and have that feeling of sick fright that comes when you realize just how high you are going and how far you can fall. *sigh* It WILL be OK.

SSS - I suggest you ask the mods to move your thread over to General Questions. You need lots of input, so does hubby, and you will get more there.

The program is that IF you need details, he needs to be willing to provide them. Some people don't want details. I didn't.

I am not certain there will be details about what and how they had sex, Lordy I hope not. I guess I have to know all of the other details so that we can form a plan to stop it if there is an urge to do it in the future? I don't know yet, our conversation was brief, but I wanted to clarify now that I don't think it is about their sexual acts unless there is something I need to know about that (God help me if there is).

I think the information about how he found them and accessed them would be important, and what frame of mind he was in when he decided to turn to hookers, and what his inner dialog was to make it seem acceptable to himself -- all that would be important so it can be replaced with new behaviors and self talk.

If he's supposed to tell about the nitty gritty of the sex acts, then find out why (radical honesty maybe?) and perhaps it would be acceptable for him to write it down and give you the paper and you could read it or not, as you choose.

Maybe someone can paste Joseph's letter.

I know each person is different. For example, there is a high end Japanese restaurant here that I had always wanted to go to. Each party has their own room, they sit on the floor, and food is brought in courses by traditionally dressed women. But somehow, in 16 years, we never went.

So guess where my ex took OW on their first date?

I was furious and wanted to know why he took her when he knew that his wife had always wanted to go and he never bothered. That is the kind of stuff that I was interested in.

Whether he poked her on one side or the other wasn't something I cared to know.

He is home and I think this is what it is. At least this is kind of how he explained it. There are lots more things to do. It is a plan and as I said WH is great with projects. I just got a seemingly very heart felt commitment from him to work it.

Oh believer, that must really hurt. I am sorry.

hmmmmm....

This is sort of a new dilemma to me. I'm surprised to hear Steve's advice. On the one hand, I've always known that the WS has to give up all questions that the BS WANTS to have answered.

However, now I see that what Steve may be getting at is the WW's need for total confession and radical honesty. Like, if there is some wretched detail he doesn't spit out, will it bother him? e.g.: SSS didn't want to know about hookers, but would they be better six months from now if GM knew it and she didn't?

Compounding this is their particular situation of a crazed OW lurking around trying to hurt their marriage by giving SSS nasty details. Maybe that is what Steve is thinking of if he knows it....

Plus there is the "puking it out" benefit. SSS may not WANT to hear something now, but the question might start careening around in her mond 2 or 3 or 4 months from now. Then it has to be opened again as a wound.

I went through that with my WW, and it has only recently tapered off. Like just last week I sudenly thought "Did he give her any Xmas gifts?" so that turned out to be a new ragged conversation. If I'd thought of it post D-day it wouldn't have been a problem.

Maybe it would be a good Harley article to have the Complete List a Wayward Must Know, in order to avoid this stop and start pain on radical honesty.

ROFLMAO...

I actually think it is what turtlehead said. It is a process to make a plan to be able to stop it if it comes up again. If we can figure out why he did it and I know how the process went then we can stop it?

I don't know if there is any more. Actually I think the threat of the poly and the knowledge that I was going to do that caused him to urk up the rest of the story. Of course this would not be the first time he deceived me. I am tending toward belief but still cautious.

We are going to make a plan to deal with crazy OW (she calls me a lunatic :)) in the event that she shows up again, and I believe she will. He has a high profile event coming up that is public and she will be there I just know it, she was before when they were together so she knows how it goes.

Now that I have talked to WH it all seems to make sense. Do I want to go through this information? No freaking way but it has to be done and we are going to follow the program no matter what we have to do. I say that with a slight quiver of my heart.

I totally agree with that. But there are details and there are details.

I mean, Steve is the man. the logic is interesting to me, but I think I hit on it above.

WW has been very forthcoming and told the the truth (or at least answered) even when my irish temper was red hot and it was pretty brave of her to do so. Also showed a ton of tears and remorse and consoled me as she shared the deatials.

Some of the better moments of recovery. How scr3wed up is that? lol....what has my life become...


Bummer. It is terrible to have a violent lunatic stalking you.
Ask my WWOM.

"Bummer. It is terrible to have a violent lunatic stalking you.
Ask my WWOM."

LOL Mike...........

SSS - a question

Who is tenderly administering care and attention to your wounds today?

How much info is appropriate here? I am falling and failing and I can't take this. I just typed out info and a rant and I want to post it but fear it is way too much to post here. How much is too much?

Hi Pepperband.

BH would be but we are having to work on these things and I just blew it (see my last post) and became that screaming scary person. I am not letting him do it today. He has been trying, I am still very wary and cautious. As much as I want to feel his attempts to make me feel loved I am not letting myself, too afraid it is more BS.

Fire away..............