We are not forced to take on the mommy role, we just pick it up along with all the other roles.

After you are more recovered, you can read "The One", or "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders". But one thing at a time. Just realize for now that you will have to make some changes, and so will hubby.

You guys have got me creeped out with the mommy stuff, because I constantly am saying to the kids..."ask Mommy what's for dinner"....or "Mommy will be home soon"....or whatever.

Lol....I'll have to start using her first name or something now.

Yes, Mike, knock off the mommy stuff................

Clarice? Is Clarice out here on MB somewhere?

Clarice????? Lost me there. You mean in Silence of the Lambs?

Yes, that Clarice. I was responding to Mike who has a teen in the well by his cellar who he is going to make a skin suit out of.

Sorry to drift from Mike's haute couture plans, but...

One thing I'd like to mention about the trickling of info... sometimes it helps to write down your questions as you think of them, then sit down maybe twice a week or every afternoon for a question and answer session. You'll find that after the questions sit on a piece of paper for a day or two they become insignificant and you just cross them out, not really caring. If they persist, then ask them.

The twice-a-week thing will help GM from feeling like he might get beat up every time you guys hang out together, too. He'll know he's safe until the next Q&A session.

Thank you once again turtlehead.

I will do that. I hate when questions pop up and I ask them then he answers and it hurts and I did not need to know that stuff anyway. This would prevent that as well.

Hmmmm, do I care if he feels safe? Yes, I guess I do .

I vote for the kickboxing idea!

Wow Mike, thanks for that link. It is very helpful. The very first thing I got when I started reading is that all I am doing is whining and feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I do have that right but I am not asking enough questions nor am I trying to trouble shoot my problems with those who are willing to help. Thank you. I hate hate hate being the victim but I play one very well.

OK, let me start out very simply.

I am finding out that my WH has not been faithful for 25 years. Mostly with hookers, either escorts or street, but the last one was a full blown LTA.

What is really the biggest problem here? The risky, secretive behavior or the need to always be "with" a woman who is not a match for him in any way. I will never be less than he is, I see us as equals. Part of him liked the dependence and the lack of equality in education, life skills, money, status, etc.

Is my problem dealing with a dishonest spouse with an addictive personality?

Just a beginning, just trying to start thinking instead of reacting.

Hi! I hope you are well.

Mike, again about your thread.

One of the posters to you was ForeverHers and he said his wife had a 6 year long affair after they had been married for 21 years. I had not seen anyone here who had gone through something that long and after so long being married. It makes me feel some better but then I do have the additional hooker addiction to deal with but darn, that gave me a tiny light of hope that I lost today.

Foreverhers is a long time poster and a Christian. I have not seen him posting here lately, but have hope that there are many who have survived long term affairs.

I have not received my psychiatric credentials yet, but I would guess that the prostitute thing has to do with fear of intimacy, narcisistic tendencies, and FOO issues - what he learned from his father.

When you look at it, all you do is go pick out a stranger, pay her, and it is done, no fuss, no muss, no attachments, courting, etc. Great for a very busy man. And of course, a hooker will be adoring, and fit into his fantasies - she gets paid to do it.

SSS,

First off, I don't even remember what Forever said, so this is not meant toward him.

But on that thread, I think I even said it, K is the ultimate MB coach. JL is right there too. I forget who else of the "varsity" posted there to me, but I was very happy to have their help (which I largely ignored and freaked out for three months :-/ ).

That thread is worth its weight in gold. It is a shame all those veterans don't post much here anymore.

Anyway, as a comment to this board overall, pick your advisors and the posts you bother to answer (btw, use the "quote' button, because the last few I wasn't sure who you were addressing). There are occasionally 'angry' people who do drive-by blasting that just gets your blood up to no constructive purpose.

MB is FORWARD looking. You know the best way to stop your pain quickly? Get GM meeting your needs as an "expert" spouse.

Sidebar: I'm so wise now, when I stole her car and threw her toiletries and dress clothes onto the OM's lawn, not so much :-)

I will answer more in a sec. How do you use the quote? When I hit it it just copies the post I am answering. How do you get the boxes?

K doesn't post much. JL does, and is an expert.

But you have Pep and Turtle posting here, and you can't beat that combo.

You can do a couple different things. One you could hit quote on the post you are responding to or you click the " button on the bar at the top of the box you are typing in. It comes up as quote /quote framed in brackets and then copy/paste the text you want to reference in between.

Yes we are way overdue for another cameo appearance so everyone can tell him how wonderful he is and then leaves again.

And you have FF, and BigK.

BigK will tell you like it is, guaranteed.

SSS, I think you would greatly benefit from a MB weekend, because you would have access to Dr. Harley daily. He is a clinical psychologist who has seen it all and can guide you out of this. I agree that Foreverhers would be beneficial, but I haven't seen him around in some time.

One thing that Dr Harley has said in choosing a marriage counselor/coach is to ask them how their OWN marriage is. He claims that many self professed coaches/MC's have terrible marriages themselves which should disqualify them. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success in many instances; but never is a long term bad marriage a definition of success. A coach who lingers in a bad marriage himself won't be of much help.