I have have been married for 7 years and for the most part I thought I had a happy marriage, or a least a comfortable marriage. My husband never stayed out of the house, he never hung out with friends. He showed me love and affection. We were for the most part at home together everyday. The only issue I had was he would come home from a very physical job take a nap and retreat to the downstairs of our home. I never complained because he was home and he did what he had to do. On November 30 th he came to me to tell me a story about someone and mentioned he has a facebook account. He said by the way you know I have a facebook account, knowing damn well I didn't. I hit the roof we had a horrible argument about it. That night I thought to myself, if he could have hide this account from me for more then a month god only knows what else he's hiding down there on his computer every night. So I started digging and low and behold I found another email address he had. I started reading and reading and reading. I came across pictures of women, then I came across an email he responded to the women he had a sexual relationship with. I could hardly breath! After all this I calmed down after I kicked him out the house for one night. I sat down with him a gave him the opportunity to tell me everything about everyone so we can begin to try and work on our marriage. We have a 20 month old little boy. I told him in order for me and us to move on I need to know everything. He told me about the sex he had with this women, where they met up that day and everything. I even made him take me to the motel. He swore he told me everything. He swore the picture I found of a penis was not his. Emails that were just people from the Internet that he did not know or didn't even see. That was his thing chatting on yahoo. We even started marriage counseling. I knew there was more to this story then he was letting on. One email in particular, who is this person I said. It sounds like you saw her and you know her. I plugged her email into myspace and bam! She lived in our neighborhood. No one I knew, but now I have to worry about seeing this women at the supermarket, church, the mall. He claimed he didn't want to hurt me anymore I told him I wanted to know everything. This was going to be his last chance tell me everything. Now I have this picture of this penis I know is his. He keeps on and on it's not his. Looks me in my eyes and said I want to move on I don't have anymore lies, it's not me. He even told the marriage counciler it was not his,and thinks it's one of his friends from work that sent it to him as a joke. That didn't make any sense for another man to send him a pic of his penis even fooling around. 60 days later he finally admits the penis pic was him, but the women in it was from his past and before me. At this point I called the marriage councilor and told her I will not be returning to the sessions, because I feel like I'm doing all the work and he is going to continue to lie, and I don't want to put my self through this anymore. I'm focused on trying to over come this and he is still in his old ways and lying. On the 61st day he then admits who the women is in the picture. I spoke to the women and told her she should be ashamed of her self and that I forgive her, but hope she never does this to another women again. Two of these women were from his previous job that closed down that god. He met up with the one women right after work. So he will always be able to find the time. I even had a tracker on his phone so I know where he is, but took it off because if he's going to do it he will find a way. Lately he's been calling me when he's headed back to the office, when he leaves. Is this a healthy way to live in a marriage. I had a close eye on him before, I can't do anymore watching.

Even after all this I do think he is a good man, we hardly argue, but, when is enough, enough!

I would really like some advice.

Peachy32

Hi P,

Make sure that his computer is installed with a keylogger.

We actualy sold his laptop and is only allowed to use the computer in my bedroom when I'm there. Which I've changed the log in code. It's very upseting we have to live like this.

Peachy: Sorry you are here. Can't begin to imagine the pain and sorrow you are feeling at this time.

This is a great place for BS (Betrayed spouses) like you. REAd, read, read and post more information about your situation.

How long married?
Kid(s) ages
When his A (affair) started
When you discovered the afair (D-Day)

If your WH (wayward husband) is still in contact with OW (other women) he is most definitely still in the fog of the affair. It's like a crack addict on drugs. He will waver, deny, lie, lie some more, sneak around, etc., because the thill of the affair is still in him.

You are making positive steps by demanding to know the details of the A and tracking his computer time.

Be patient...more experienced members of this forum will be posting soon...you will get good advice.

Hang in there. We are with you!

Hi P,

I especially ask you read through the POJA agreement. The opening of our life's history to display the horrid things we did in the past.

In order to do this we have to learn to accept graciously the bad bits of our lover.

Read through the articles upstairs. We have lots to learn.

I spend so much time on his email account trying to find more information, it's getting to me. I have picture from the net of these women. It just makes it so real. I can't believe he actual had the guts to do it. I'm still undecided if I can truly get over something like this.