Just wanted to let eveyrone know that I talked to Rockstar last night and he's doing very well.

He's pretty much in Plan B and the space and separation has been very relieving for him. He has primary custody of his kids and his WW sees them every other weekend. He has a sort of "frenemies" arrangement with her right now and is very much letting her build up self confidence while documenting the heck out of everything.

He doesn't really talk to her and now has perspective on his marriage that he didn't have before. He doesn't want her back.

In more personal news I gave GF flowers last night for the first time and she really, really, really liked that. She kept thanking me for them throughout the night.

I've noticed a big drop in my BP and I honestly attribute it to her. I've had the "warm fuzzies" lately about her and they've been growing. I haven't had chemistry like this with a woman ever. It's the kind of chemistry that lasts because it isn't based on physical stuff. My attraction to her has to do with her personality, sense of humor, and the way she treats me.

I feel zero pressure from her about anything. She could, for example, give me flack about spending my non-kid nights with her and she doesn't.

I told her last night that I need to come home tonight and make sure my place is ready for the kids this weekend and she was totally cool with it.

I might still see her if I get the time, but I need to put away the kid's laundry and make beds, etc.

I'm looking forward to spring time when I can take them out to places.

All quiet otherwise.

Thanks for the info about rockstar. It is always cool to know what is happening.

I know exactly what you mean about g/f. Enjoy it forever.

I got an email from the principal at the daycare today which threw me for a loop.

You guys know the issue regarding the presentation I missed. I called the daycare to ask if I could have a separate envelope to get papers that are sent home so that I don't miss any important info sent home to parents.

Well, the principal has contacted the parenting coordinator in our case, saying that there were plenty of places for me to see notices about the event. But she had a very interesting note at the end of her message which clued me in that her email is really a reaction to something that happened at the center.

She said, "Unless the parent has a specific concern about the children, the parents are not to discuss the custody arrangement or issues with one another to the teachers or other administration. I want to ensure confidentiality of this issue and one parent discussing concerns about the other parent with the teacher in the classroom is unacceptable."

Now, I don't remember talking to any of the staff about any concerns about my exww or about our custody arrangement and I don't remember talking to any of the teachers about any of this in their classrooms.

So unless I'm mistaken and they're referring to something else or are just giving a general warning, then I suspect that something happened which prompted the principal to do this.

What's bad about all of this is that daycares are privately run and can easily tell us that they don't want to care for our kids because of all the issues between exww and I. I'm sensitive to this and try to keep my interaction with the center at a strictly "about the kids" level.

So we could lose the care for our kids because we step out of line with them.

So I'm wondering if I did something or said something or if the exww did something or said something.

I'm picking them up today and have focused my efforts the past few days on what I'm going to feed them throughout the weekend.

I was caught off guard by this email to the parenting coordinator.

So what this says:

If there is an event in someone else's custody period then the other parent will lose opportunity to participate (unless notified).

This does not appear to helpful to the kid. Does this mean that dual notification to parents will stop?

Pom, chances are it's just a policy they have. I can see their point in a sense. It protects teachers and staff from being drawn into an ugly battle. OTOH, I don't see how informing the school/daycare of your actual custody arrangement, and requesting duplicate handouts could be a problem.

My friend has a very similar problem to yours. He has 50/50 custody that runs 2 weeks at a time. XW is so uninvolved, we're not even sure she knows where the school is located. He has been sprung with major school projects on the Sunday night when he resumes custody that are due the next morning. They have had 2 weeks to do the project but because DD is with mom, it doesn't get done. DD is supposed to be reading books on her own and keeping a journal. I've seen her journal - it's completely blank on the weeks she's at mom's. My friend has had phone calls about permission forms and/or money being due for trips he didn't know about because the note went to his xw. He only finds out if she's been sick when the school calls him to find out where she is (because xw can't be bothered to call the school to say she's at home). So the school is dealing with both the custody arrangement AND parental communication regardless of whether either parent says anything to them.

It's just crazy because there are so many kids from broken homes - all with their own individual arrangements and issues. You would think this information would be critical for the school - as critical as emergency contact and allergy information. In fact the way it is, the child is only registered at one address and phone number. In my friend's case, it's his number because his xw can't be bothered paying her phone bill half the time and it's frequently cut off. Now, is that a responsible parent?

Too much injustice in this world.

I'd file for primary in his shoes and base it on the grounds you just mentioned.

Document and file, that's what I'd do.

But the problem is weighing the impact of a custody fight on the kids. It's tough on them and I'm sure they pick up on the stress of the situation.

I find that the staff tends to be very understanding.

Perhaps he could make a different arrangement with the ex where he sees the kids with greater frequency and maintains a 50/50.

I've been a big fan of the 5 and 5 arrangement where the kids spend 5 days with one parent and then 5 with the other. It works out great because the days of the week are always the same and the weekends are always alternated.

It would make things like assignments easier to track.

The actual functioning of his is more like you describe - he gets 2 weeks in a row while mom gets the weekend in between and vice versa. The arrangement follows his shift schedule with 2 weeks days, 2 weeks nights (he has DD on weeks he's on days). He is documenting everything - he has kept all of her school books since she started school and there's lots of other crap going on as well. The thing is DD loves her mom too and is too young to understand that most of the things she does or doesn't do are irresponsible. He's not going to take her away from her mom unless she's in physical danger, however, he has explored his options in case he needs to (wrt his shift work).

The kids are doing well. I am pleased to report that my son who I was once worried about as far as his pronunciation of words is speaking up a storm and doing it very well.

I haven't seen the kids in two weeks because of our current arrangement, and am amazed at how much a kid can change in 2 weeks.

It's been a little disappointing as a weekend in terms of cooking. I made meatloaf for the kids and they didn't like it. What can I say?

Perhaps I should have made it from scratch. It's Unlcle Sam's Club's recipe.

Tonight will be an experiment: fajitas. I hope they like them.

My friends loved them when we made it for them at a get together recently.

Today is the first time in years where I don't have a Super Bowl Party. Heck, I even had one in my tent in the desert when I was deployed. We had a projector and a screen and had a big screen viewing of the Super Bowl 3 years ago. So this is my first time without either going to one or hosting it.

That's ok. Perhaps I'll try to get the kids excited about it.

So that's my life right now. Can't complain, really.

Fajitas is a great idea because it involves mixing and matching stuff. My advice, let your kids help you prepare them. Let them go through the fridge and pick out things they want to try with the meat (my D18 loves ketchup) - pickles, lettuce, carrots, M&Ms... Cut the tortillas up smaller, so if something they add doesn't taste bad, you haven't wasted a whole tortilla/fajita mixture.

Kids love to be involved in the process and the decision making; makes them feel like they're not being force fed what YOU want them to eat.

btw, have you ever tried meatloaf sandwiches with ketchup? Yum!

EWWWWWWWWW!! No WONDER!!

That's just recycled road kill!!

One of the things my Mom and grandma used to make for us kiddos was weiners with ketchup...here's the rub:

You line them up in a pan and make diagonal slashes in them. Then drizzle with ketchup (or catsup, LOL!) and broil. You can broil for a bit first and then add the ketchup for browner weiners.

These are good served with mac-n-cheese (Kraft!) and pork-n-beans and a salad for good measure.

I still like this sometimes. Get cravings for it. LOL!

Yeah, I know: EWWWWWWWWWWW!! Weiners! They use offal in those!! Ehhhhhhh...so what? Still better than road kill!!

Charlotte

Fajitas (more like steak tacos) were a hit.

Will make those again someday.

New subject:

My girlfriend is awesome and she has no clue as to how awesome she is.

She started watching a little of my favorite show (Battlestar Galactica) and started making jokes with me using some of the slang from the show.

Had me laughing out loud with her texts.

Truly a keeper.

Frak!

Glad to hear the fajitas were a success. Don't beat yourself up over stuff they don't like. One thing with feeding growing kids, you can't win no matter what. One day they love something - the next day they hate it. One week they have a growth spurt and eat you out of house and home - the next week they barely consume enough calories to sustain a field mouse while you have overstocked the fridge to accomodate them with food that's just going to spoil. It's a losing battle!

Well DD6 had a few words for her brothers who weren't eating the rice she prepared.

She helped me mix the ingredients. I'm going to make chicken ones next time and not use taco sauce.

I hear what you're saying about the foods they eat. They sure can be finicky. I remember eating all kinds of stuff as a kid, though.

DD6 asks me if my mom will visit anytime soon. Says her cooking is better than mine. No surprise there.

I told a friend of mine that I ordered a snuggie for my girlfriend for Valentines Day. This is her response:

"I can't even begin to say why. Don't do it. Please. If I have buy it from you to avoid you giving to her I will. If you give the snuggie I will never speak to you again and I mean it. I mean it. Always send flowers to work no matter what the girl says or how much she protests. A card, a box of candy, flowers at work. That's enough. NO SNUGGIE!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have I taught you nothing? This really angers me for some reason. "

So I got this response and laughed.

Really, is giving a Snuggie the equivalent of Marge getting a bowling ball named "Homer" from Homer?

No -- it is the equivelant of giving her a chia pet.

Cheesy....Tacky....

unless this is a joke of some kind????? (POM are you serious? This was your idea of THEEE gift to give her for valentines day???)



Your friend is steering you right -- Flowers...delivered to work.

Ok. I'll do the flowers to work.

Just figured that "Oooh, I want one!" was a good criteria to use in giving a gift.

do both?

you know her better than we do! If she said that, its probably a safe bet -- however I would still do flowers!

She doesn't take things too seriously, which is what I like about her.

Like I said, she's been watching BSG and using the lingo from the show with me, which I have found funny, yet oddly appealing as well.

I think it's awesome when a woman is cool with geeking out with her man.

Now, if I could just get into the Grey's Anatomy thing....

POM,

I think the Snuggie would be good for a spur of the moment gift- my H gives me things all the time that he hears me mention "is cute" or "I'd like to have". For Christmas I got a stuffed Gingerbread girl pillow from Cracker Barrel that I had said "Oh I love this- isn't it cute?" No, that wasn't my only gift but it was the one I loved the most because he put the thought into it.

But for Valentines?? You want to be romantic and a snuggie doesn't say that.

Plus, it's your first Vday as girlfriend/boyfriend?? Sure she wants flowers at work for everyone to ooohhh and ahhh over.

I picked the kids up yesterday and for an issue came up which has been building up for a few weeks. The boys blankets have been really gross when I have picked them up from daycare. It hasn't been just a little gross, but filthy. The blankets have been covered in dog hair and smell bad.

They have been so gross that I don't let the boys touch the blankets again until I wash them at night.

So I emailed the exww about it. I really wondered if I should, but having my washer full of dog hair was the deciding factor.

Here's my message:

Exww,

The boys blankets have been filthy the last few weeks when I've picked them up from daycare. They are infested with dog hair and they smell bad. I ask that you please wash the blankets before they come to my house for the weekend. The dog hair gets all over my washer and the boys' blankets are so gross that I don't let them hold them again until I wash them.

This is a request and you'll do as you wish, but I ask that you do this so I don't have to clean all that dog hair out of my washer.

It's also pretty gross for the boys.

Thanks for your cooperation in this matter.

Pom

Her response:

Pom,
Not that I feel like I need to justify this to you, but the boys blankets are washed periodically and I don't appreciate the insinuation that they aren't taken care of because you need one more thing to write me about. They have a dog. They also take them to daycare. The blankets are washed and can get hair on them by the next day because they carry them all over the place and leave them lying on the floor. I'm sure if they left them lying around your cat Monday through Friday they would have hair as well. I wash their blankets just as I am sure you do. Please don't write me again about something like this insinuating I don't take care of the cleanliness of our children because I will not respond further.


My response:

It's not a little dog hair, it's a ton of it and the blankets smell bad as if the last time they were washed was when they were at my house.

Asking you to wash the blankets the night before they come over isn't a huge request. Don't do it for me, do it for them. The blankets are flat out gross.

There's no excuse for the boys to be carrying around such filth. I don't even let them touch them again till I wash them when I pick them up because that's how gross they have been the last few weeks I've gotten the kids.

I will start taking pictures of the infestation of dog hair and filth on their blankets if I ever see them that bad again.

Pom


Ok. Was this ok?

I really was that grossed out. So much so that I thought about taking a lint roller and taking pictures of how bad they were and taking pictures of the blankets every week that I got them this way.

Honestly, this makes me question whether or not she ever vacuums her house. It was really, really grost and the blankets literally smelled like the kids rubbed poop on them. I'm not exaggerating. I don't think these blankets get washed anywhere but at my place.

I guess that "periodically washed" for her means once a month.

So am I overreacting?