Hello all, I'm very glad to have found this board . My H and I have been together for nearly 9 years(married for 4) . We have 3 small children and I'm 26 H is 30. H also has struggled with addiction on/off during our entire relationship mostly prescription pills and occasional drinking .(the reason I am disclosing this is because it may make a little sense why he did what he did, I believe he may suffer from borderline personality disorder). I always told myself I can deal with his addiction(coming from a disfuctional/family full of addicts myself) however I could NEVER handle the heartache of adultery and that would be grounds for divorce for me (never say never ) So when H Came to me 1 year ago and told me he had to make a "confession" that he was aching inside with guilt and HAD to tell me . I'll never forget it , ever, he confessed to me that 18 months prior in the course of 3 weeks he cheated on me on 4 separate occasions with 2 different women . He then told me it was strictly physical and no emotions where involved for him. I made a HUGE mistake of asking for all the details and he told me everything I wanted to know with hesitation . I flipped I felt like from that moment on my entire world was crushed . We are very much in love and to think he did the worse betrayal. I would question myself and him "why" why me" I consider myself to be a Beautiful women inside and out to think he betrayed me in this way . We were suppose to be soul mates together as one and I "thought" we were this happy family . From that moment on I went into a serious depression soon I was taking different medication just to cope with everyday life . I also asked myself "how could I leave if I'm still very much in love with this man" . He told me he believes it only happened because he was so wrapped up in his addiction ( pill popping) I had no clue he was taking pills or drinking at the time and it was the biggest mistake of his life . To be honest it did help that he came and told me rather than me finding out . We have been to marriage counseling a couple of times but do to his work schedule we stopped going . We will continue to go again next week. The reason I came here is because I feel like I have no one to talk to and every time I try and bring it up H says "it is done and over with, it will never happen again " He says that I need to just stop thinking about it and NOT bring it up. It saddens me that he thinks it is that easy . Yeah, he is sorry, he came and told me but He did the ultimate betrayal and I'm still trying to forgive . So H says "you are never going to get over this, stop bringing it up or it will ruin us" He also says" it happened nearly 3 years ago and you still bring it up at least 3 days a week " AND " The biggest mistake I could of made was telling you , I never should of told you !" I cannot help but wonder if he is right? What I'm asking you all is am I wrong by bringing it up so often and dwelling on the past? If I am how do I express my feelings? I'm at loss on what to do.....
~Angela <~~~ who swore up and down that her "soulmate" would never stray ....
