Zenwolf, it is better to VISIT the OM in person so he can put a name to a face.

But, your most POWERFUL WEAPON is exposure. Exposure to her parents, his parents, your parents, other key family members. That is your BEST weapon against an affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure ruins the fantasy aspect. It is like bringing in a crowd of onlookers into the crack house to watch the crack heads get high. It ruins the high! Being bad is no fun when everyone is watching.

You better batten down the hatches. I predict rough weather ahead.

Zen

My WW told me the day our M was over in HER eyes!! This was way before i found out about the A. Coulda fooled me. Wayward spouses come up with some wierd stuff.....water off your back my man.

OK, here's a draft of the letter:

Dude:
I’m writing this letter to inform you of my marriage to (wife). I am deeply in love with my wife, and I have every intention of spending the rest of our lives together. We have a date at the bottom of a volcano in about 45 years. She and I share a bond that has grown through intense intimacy, physical and emotional, sharing extreme hardships and the joy and agony of creating two beautiful children together. I do not feel connected to any other human like I feel connected to my wife. We have shared the most beautiful moments of our lives together.

Becky’s disillusion with our life together was not made known to me until fairly recently. I am truly sorry for any part of that disillusionment that I have contributed to. I will do everything in my power to help her get through these feelings and to remember how special our life together is. I will make every effort to make her happy and to remove any behavior or dynamic which causes unhappiness. She is everything to me, and I will not just let this happen while I sit idly by. You need to know how much we love each other.

Since I found out about the affair, Becky has expressed doubts that we can reconnect and regain what we have had. For me it is not lost, so I know I can do my part. She has continually expressed a desire to reconcile with me, even as your affair continues. She has told me that she loves me, not just platonically. She has told me that I know her better than anyone else, and asked me to help her through an anxiety attack last week. She bought me an incredibly thoughtful and reconciliatory birthday gift last week.

This letter is not an attempt at manipulating or controlling anyone. I think you need to know that there is a deeply hurting human being and two of the most precious little children on this earth who stand to lose a great deal if your affair continues. These children face the possibility of losing their childhood in a loving nurturing family. They face the possibility of going through much of the misery that (wife) and I faced as children. This is all avoidable. I will not just let this happen.

I will not threaten you or pursue any inappropriate means to end this. I am asking you to examine what you may already know: You are helping to destroy a marriage that is very much still alive and family that has yet to face the dysfunction it is now confronted with. It is cowardly and unhealthy to continue this affair.

-ZenWolf

Zen, do we have to break your fingers, my friend!??

Stop with the letters already and go FACE THE MAN!! [leave your pistol in the car]

What your letter BROADCASTS is this: I am a touchy feely guy who will not lift a finger to stop you from destroying my marriage. I am going to appeal to a sense of decency THAT DOES NOT EXIST. In other words, you are OPENLY telling him he can do what he wants to you and your kids!

You are bringing a squirt gun to a GUN FIGHT!

You don't even want to broadcast that kind of WEAKNESS to such a man!

And it is none of his damn business about personal details about your marriage OR YOUR FEELINGS! The OM does not give a rats [censored] about your feelings. Don't share your most personal feelings with an interloper whose goal is the destruction of your marriage. That is to throw pearls to swine. All he needs to know is this:

1. your WW is married and has 2 little children

2. I will fight for my marriage and will drag your [censored] into court in any potential legal proceedings to testify under oath about your affair with a married woman. I will not allow you to be around my children

3. there is no future for you in her family - you would be perpetually hated for breaking up this family

4. what are your intentions with my wife?

Jesus, you're rough.

I'm adding this too:

"During your affair, we have made love passionately many times."

Even I made love to my W Zen.

Mel can be rough Zen....but she is rite!!

Mel...can you copy paste my family letters for him??

OM is not gonna read a letter Zen....he doesn't care. His parents/family...that's different!!

The main purpose of this letter is to undermine what I know she has told him. I get occassional feedback from his friends about what he's hearing from her.

I'll have to think about confronting him in person. Not my usual style, but this is about changing your usual style, isn't it?

Thanks for the help everyone.

I'll look into telling his family and friends... This is gonna get interesting.

Zen, the reason I am ROUGH is because AFFAIRS are rough! Your marriage and family are under assault. You cannot REASON with a terrorist. A terrorist does not give a hoot about your feelings or respond to appeals to decency. To do so only broadcasts a WEAKNESS that he will exploit. He responds to your FIST. [symbolically!] He will respond to STRENGTH.



That is a good goal! But that needs to be done IN PERSON. And that needs to be done without sharing your feelings and your history with him. That pig has no right to any of that information. All he needs to know are some pertinent facts and that HELL IS COMING HIS WAY.


This is about choosing to stand up for your marriage and your childrens family, Zen. Is that your style? Is it your style to fight for your family? Or is it your style to try and negotiate with a terrorist to give him something to laugh about?

This is good information. you are ignoring my posts about exposure, Zen. Why?

Zen,

Mel is right. He will not even read your letter unless it's to get a good laugh and maybe show it to your WW so he can say you don't have the guts to face him, man-to-man.

OM are cowards. Don't kick his butt or threaten to. Just come right out and tell him your WW is married and ask him what his intentions are. Does he intend to marry her?

I was 800 miles away so I couldn't face to face but I wasn't gonna wait another day. I called his work, cell and home multiple times and was leaving messages until he finally called me back. I said pretty much what Mel says to say. You gotta scare this dude off and some letter ain't gonna do it. Let him know what IS going to happen if he doesn't back off. He will because he is a coward POS.

Then your WW will rage at you for ruining everything, but will have to live with the fact that she didn't mean enough to him to fight for her.

It really got to my WW when i told her that I talked to him and he denied the whole thing, and then said he had no intention of marrying her and never did and that he didn't want anymore trouble. She still raged, but that really burst her bubble and her ego.

SWW

I am engaging in the exposure as we speak. I just updated her parents and am looking for ways to contact his people. I've told her ex who will tell her son. I've told the remaining friends who don't know about it.

Alright, I'm going after him. I'll see if I can meet him.

Wow after reading this I got to say history is repeating itself. My advice to you is to stop being Mr. Nice Guy and see a lawyer and know your rights.

Your wife is doing exactly what she did to her first marriage and you were the OM. She is doing the same thing to you and she knows she can just move on with another guy and her life will continue and it will be great...at least for a while.

If your wife is not willing right away to work on the marriage then in my opinion they are not worth having as a wife. Others feel different but if you allow a woman to cheat on you she has no incentive to stop.

My life experience has been when I started making my now XW life difficult she changed and wanted to save our marriage. I hurt my ex by moving on without her and finding someone else. If I would have just let her continue sleeping with another guy she would have and made my life heck.

In your case you are in worse shape. Your wife has done this in the past. It is a pattern and she probably will not change. If she has had 2 affairs in her life what makes you think she will not have number 3?


You get it here! You are in for an unhappy life if you allow her to cheat and then beg her to stay. If she is not willing to stop what she is doing and work on things you had better make sure she does not destroy everything you hold dear.

Financial considerations and your children need protecting. You have told her that you want to stay married then fine. But if she still cheats on you then you need to see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. If you do not you will be out of your house without your children.

When I want on offense and my ex knew I was not a doormat she knew she could lose me and she did not want that. I protected myself by being aggressive and not being a doormat.

If she has done this in the past and cheated on her first husband and is doing this to you it is not a just a woman who is confused. It is a woman who makes a pattern out of this and chances are you are on your way out.

Just make sure you protect yourself. I have seen this type of woman before and she destroyed my Dad. Don't put your head in the sand and just understand you need to protect yourself.

Good, because this:

"During your affair, we have made love passionately many times."

Was not gonna do it...

Let us know how it goes, and keep your cool.

I'm going to see if I can confront the Dude this afternoon. I think it's quite likely he's at the pub where my wife is working today for the Superbowl.

Here goes the sh*t storm of the century!

I'm thinking of sending photos of this guy to my wife's friends and family. He's a loser. Does this sound good or bad?

Yes Good


but then I am a scorched earth type. I will do anything to protect my wife and family from an OM predator.

Good idea to confront OM and OMGF in a pub -

Bring a friend.

Yeah, bring a friend so your thread doesnt suddenly end like marty's