LOL I think so too!

H thinks and thinks and thinks, I am sure that his little old head is ready to burst! I bet he is wrestling with his pride and God all day long, but tells his self he's fine LMAO LMAO LMAO But now it may be worse with the memory of what his wife looked like on Saturday.

I agree!

We're going wait for a little bit and watch things but these are the issues I am considering in addressing in 2nd PBL per suggestion and posts. This will give me the time needed to condense all that below to a short letter. Thanks to all for the input. Its perfect. Will post rough draft when we are close to sending.

Per Schoolbus:
Convey to him that I have not lost my depth of love for him despite his affair and that I am fully capable of forgiving his affair, that I have not stopped loving him.
SB-I say this because he has shown several attempts to get you to ask him to return to him - he does not want to ask you, he wants to be asked. So, somehow, the message has to get to him that you DO love him, and that if the OW goes away, there is a path home.

Write 2nd PBL, With more emphasis on the love, and then signing out with something like, "We can recover this marriage. As soon as your affair partner is out of your life forever, come home and let's start over. We can have a new path together. Let's start with love, forgiveness, and dreams of a new future. Think of the possibilities." SB also says-This concept that he doesn't want to answer to anybody may be quite broadly applied here. He may have fears that he is being judged (rightly so), and that he cannot possibly fix things. Also, that he wants to do things that he has never done before, but that other people will comment on the changes - and he does not want to have to deal with that issue. Many people go through this. He really wants to change. What are the ramifications of changing? He's so locked in, everyone in his life will comment! He would practically have to move to New York City and get a new identity to do this without having to explain himself and not weather a storm of controversy and hassling. So your husband may be feeling the need for something different, a break from the old things - and not want to answer to anyone for the break. Does this make sense?

Talk to him about it. But think of it not in terms of controlling him - think of it in terms of him wanting to break from what he feels is his life's rut.

Posted by PrincessMeggy:
"and I suspect that you think my expectations include for you to resume where you left off in the ministry. That is not the case. As your wife, and in obedience to God, I will respect whatever decision you make concerning that because our first and most important ministry is to each other and our family. I KNOW and I hope you realize that God has never stopped loving you and is willing to meet you where you are."

Per Pep:
Dig deeper, it's about fear of intimacy. The smaller the man feels on the inside, the greater his need for admiration. He feels very small indeed.

Neak:
Put in a sentence about how many people have recovered their marriages from this and are now very happy.

Posted by Lildoggie:
"You have hurt me more deeply than I ever thought possible. You broke your promise and violated my trust. I need you to understand my pain and help me move through it. But I still love you. I still want you. If you will commit yourself to never seeing OW again, and working with me to discover how we can make something better out of our marriage, then I will not hold this affair over your head. It will take time... it will take work... but I will give you a fresh start. I will forgive you."

I was trying to think of a way of incorporating line(s) from WH's favorite song or movie into the future letter.
Any creative ideas T2L?

Pep

Also, I would include a line or two about your responsibility to your daughter and son, showing them both how a woman should (or should not) be treated in a marriage. Neak can phrase it politely, possibly even with some gentle humor. I'm much more likely to just go thwack.

tl

what's wh's favorite song...the booty song..

"Look at that booty. Show me the booty.
Gimme the booty. I want the booty.
Back up tha booty. I need tha booty.
I like the booty. Oh, what a booty.
Shakin' that booty. I saw tha booty." :twobyfour:

having that kind of day...

[T-J]



I'll tell Flick, he will be chuffed

[/T-J]

LMAO!!!!!!!

I think his song may also include...
"I may not be gettin any OW booty"
"Now I may be losin my woman's booty"

Chuffed? Oh no..........................................

Hmmm, He loves music in general but our family favorite is quoting our favorite dumb comedies at each other. All 4 of us would try and beat each other to the punch quoting our dumb comedies and then die of laughter. He is very quick witted and would always have us laughing hysterically so the kids and I would always try to beat him to something funny. I would say since laughter is good medicine and a definite connection with us that may be something to throw in. He would quote these the way someone would sing a song.

I know that our silly humor the OW will not get and that was a HUGE part of Mr. T2L. He loved making the family and other laugh. What to do you think about that.

whats wrong with chuffed????

If it can be smoothly worked into the note it's a useful thing.

Pep

"I miss laughing with you, and I know we can bring laughter to our home again."


I like the idea of another PBL, but only if it is followed by complete darkness...including cutting him off from ANY knowledge about you, i.e., checking account, children discussing you, etc.

I said this in my email, but I don't know what yer checkin' first, so I'll repeat:


There.

I even made it pink for you like I did in the mail.

LOL Let me translate....

Thy Sea Hag lover.

Where is your hot breath
upon the nape of my neck?

We shall form a broken slimy bond:
man and Sea Hag.

You shall lick my scales
and I shall kiss your *ss.


LMAO

yup.

Thats almost exactly what I was thinking

"Where art thou, hag?

Thy foul lover.

Where is your evil breath
upon the nape of my neck?

We shall form a broken slimy bond:
alien and Sea Hag


You shall lick my scales
and I shall kiss your *ss

Ok y'all. I had to break PB just a bit and only did it in text. H texted DD17 about 10:45PM that his grandmother died.

I did not call I just sent a simple text saying I am sorry for the loss of your grandma. He responded thank you, I am sad. Of course probably shouldn't have responded but I sent back I am sure you are sad but now your grandma is in a better place with her full mind and no Alzheimer.

He then texted its hard to lose family.....(Man I really wanted to say I know, what does he think I am??!!!! ) I didn't I simply responded I understand. He then texted thank you goodnight and I did not respond.

Don't know if its alright to have a texting break for PB but I did it, don't feel guilty about it. I may have felt worse if I had not said anything at all. I want him to understand the new strength I am gaining but I don't want him to think i am a heartless biatch.

I am not speaking to H's mother who is condoning the A...well she says she is not but that she is supporting her son Anyways I have PB'd her and its her mother who died. I do not want to give my condolences to his mom. Is this wrong? Should I? I have nothing good to say to her, she feels fully ok with telling my H that if the Sea Hag is what he wants then she will support whatever decision he wants(H made the mistake of telling me this a month after dday).

Oh but of course since she has told H that she does not want to meet the Sea Hag then it makes her ok she's not really condoning it. Ugg. Sorry, anyways I told my H sorry for the loss, do i have to tell his mother? Whats the right thing to do?

Funny thing is this grandma was not really a nice person, in fact H really disliked her very much. She was a mean grandma a lot of the time and even H's mother did not get along with her and it was her own mother. Anyways my H can not care about anything or anyone at times and then death comes and it hits him hard and he gets really emotional. He is coming over tomorrow early in the morning to drop off the W2's so we can get our taxes done. Praise the Lord he is going to give me half of it.

DD17 told him that mom and Gabe are gone part of the day because of swimming class but to leave the W2 under the mat. I am hoping to not run into him. I hope we are gone when he comes. i don't want him to try and look to me to meet his emotional need if he starts to cry over his grandma. What do I do if for some odd reason he comes as we are leaving and gets all emotional...what do you do in that situation? It may not happen but I do better if I am prepared, I don't work well on the fly.

G'night friends....

Well, it IS his grandma...I don't think you should feel guilty about responding.

As far as your MIL, just send her a generic-type sympathy card, nothing too mushy from you and the kids. It's the right thing to do, IMO.

I just found out a friend that I've known most of my life passed away Tuesday. She used to go to school with my Mom. Her daughter went to school with my bro and sis, in the same grade as my bro.

We used to hang out back in the day. She was one tough customer but she just found out she had cancer last month and was starting chemo today. I don't know how she died, though, Mom just told me she passed. I'm hoping to contact my sister for more details on that in the a.m.

Take care,

Charlotte