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Let them wallow. Your ex is an adult. She should have had enough brains to fix this before it happened. Not your problem.

Tell D15 she is welcome to come stay with you any time she wants. Do NOT extend the same to ex.

Period.

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Originally Posted by catperson
Let them wallow. Your ex is an adult. She should have had enough brains to fix this before it happened. Not your problem.

Tell D15 she is welcome to come stay with you any time she wants. Do NOT extend the same to ex.

Period.

ditto

period

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Amazin Offline OP
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Originally Posted by catperson
Let them wallow. Your ex is an adult. She should have had enough brains to fix this before it happened. Not your problem.

Tell D15 she is welcome to come stay with you any time she wants. Do NOT extend the same to ex.

Period.

I agree however, there is still one problem... the Protection from Abuse order is still in effect. My DD-15 can initiate communication with me. I can't initiate it with her. When the order was modified it also said DD-15 could move back home if she wanted to.

She's pretty stuborn and strong willed. I'll just wait and see what happens... Patience.

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I don't know about where you live, but here in California, the Salvation Army is a nice place. The food is very GOOD. My ex and I used to do outreach work for homeless vets, and went there many times.

For lunch, they had a salad bar, lots of fresh fruit, 2 choices for an entree, bread, soup and dessert.

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Originally Posted by Amazin
Originally Posted by catperson
Let them wallow. Your ex is an adult. She should have had enough brains to fix this before it happened. Not your problem.

Tell D15 she is welcome to come stay with you any time she wants. Do NOT extend the same to ex.

Period.

I agree however, there is still one problem... the Protection from Abuse order is still in effect. My DD-15 can initiate communication with me. I can't initiate it with her. When the order was modified it also said DD-15 could move back home if she wanted to.

She's pretty stuborn and strong willed. I'll just wait and see what happens... Patience.
Tell both your WW and your exW that D15 is welcome to come home and they are welcome to tell her. That way, you have done your part, and if they don't tell D15, it is THEM who are being selfish and not looking out for D15.

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Advice?

Do nothing! Your ex is a psycho. She's already proven that if you give her enough rope she'll hang herself. Your DD15 seems to be following in her footsteps but she's old enough to know how to fix this with you. She was old enough to make allegations, right?

Please do not give in to this woman and DO NOT give her any more $$. She's a user and abuser. Your daughter will figure this out shortly.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Do nothing! Your ex is a psycho. She's already proven that if you give her enough rope she'll hang herself. Your DD15 seems to be following in her footsteps but she's old enough to know how to fix this with you. She was old enough to make allegations, right?

Please do not give in to this woman and DO NOT give her any more $$. She's a user and abuser. Your daughter will figure this out shortly.

I agree...

My ex is a psyco and a user. My DD-17 is about to learn this the hard way I think. She got a job last summer and I made her start saving for a car. I told her when she got to about $1500 or $2000 I would pitch in another $1000 - $1500 and we'd get her a good reliable economical car. Something that would last her for 5 years or so. She had about $1400 saved. A few days after DD-17 was taken out of the house her bank account was emptied. When she came back I asked her if she still had her money for a car. She said No... I have a car, my mom is going to barrow it for a while. I asked my DD-17 if her name was on the title. She said no because mom said since she didn't have a drivers licence she couldn't be on the title. DD-17 also paid for the registration, title fees and the insurance. Ex wife also "borrowed $300 from her. I told DD-17 don't be surprised if her Mom doesn't follow through and screws her over. DD-17 is a follower and easily influenced.

Based on the history of my Ex... she'll sweet talk DD-17, make excuse after excuse about why she hasn't paid her back or given the car to her... Then $crew her over.

It's going to suck if that's how it turn out... But it's a lesson about mom that DD-17 will never forget.

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So...

I sent WW an email asking her if she wants a divorce today.


Foxx... do you remember deciphering the email I got from WW right after Thanksgiving?

After a few email exchanges today....I came to the conclusion that your interpretation was right on the money. Especially the part about her not telling me what she wants....

Here's a copy of what you said about her letter.

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Good Morning,

Happy Late Thanksgiving,

I think its time for you and me to sit down and discuss our marriage. I think we both know that its not going to fix itself, or mend. I also think we both know that you are not in love with me, as I'm not with you anymore. Our time has passed, and come to an end. Please don't talk to me about it and make me see what a fool I am. I want this to be easy.

I think the easiest way to do this would be for you and I to sit down and come to some sort of agreement that way we can both go, with a plan to make it easier emotionally, and financially on both of us. I'm worried about ME and I need this to be easy. I think I can talk you into being "fair" - my version of fair.

I know you think I'm an idiot and don't know the law or what your doing. I am afraid I'm an idiot and I don't really know the law or what you are doing. Please let me talk you into being "fair" - my kind of fair.

But I do. Just let me know what you want, and we can compare list. Give me your list so I know what I am up against. I won't give you my list, though. I don't want you to know what I am up to.
That way its easier on everyone. That way it is easier for ME.

You need to do whats right for everyone, and not let greed get in the process. This is just priceless. Don't make this too hard on me. Don't be greedy and selfish like I was when I chose to abandon my family. If I don't hear back from you I'm going to assume that you don't wany to come to some sort of agreement, and I will go ahead and file for the divorce. Do it my way OR ELSE. Boo Hoo I'm going to bluff and threaten you so I can have it my way and everything will be "fair" - my kind of fair.

I just want to move on with mine, and my daughters life without us having to drag all this into the mud. I think you and I can come to an agreement. I think I can talk you into an agrement that is "fair" - my kind of fair. I don't want all the "mud" I created to be out in the open. I want to hide and pretend what I did is just fine and I don't want to have to deal with consequences of my actions.

Have a good day. Maybe if I'm nice, you'll be "fair" - my kind of fair.

Mrs. Amazin

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Originally Posted by Amazin
My DD-17 is about to learn this the hard way I think. She got a job last summer and I made her start saving for a car. I told her when she got to about $1500 or $2000 I would pitch in another $1000 - $1500 and we'd get her a good reliable economical car. Something that would last her for 5 years or so. She had about $1400 saved. A few days after DD-17 was taken out of the house her bank account was emptied. When she came back I asked her if she still had her money for a car. She said No... I have a car, my mom is going to barrow it for a while. I asked my DD-17 if her name was on the title. She said no because mom said since she didn't have a drivers licence she couldn't be on the title. DD-17 also paid for the registration, title fees and the insurance. Ex wife also "borrowed $300 from her.

What a rotten stinkin' thing for XW to do mad

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What a rotten stinkin' thing for XW to do

I know... Unfortunately DD-17 is very trusting and gullable. She's going to have to learn a hard lesson.

It sucks.... But it's the hard lessons that we never forget.

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Originally Posted by Amazin
But it's the hard lessons that we never forget.

From your fingertips to God's ears pray

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Thanks Pep, Me and my family need all the prayers we can get right now.

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A true story from today:

At work,I saw a patient I've known for more than 13 years.
She is also a coworker, an administrator. (They all seem to come to me for their "female" needs, it must be my very tiny hands smile )

So, we were catching up as I did my "thang".
She asked me about my kids.
I did some bragging.
Some bellyaching and complaining too.

Suddenly, I stopped and caught myself.

I said: "I thank God I have kids to complain about."

She said "That's OK. I understand. It doesn't bother me when you do that."

Her one and only child died as a teenager 2 years ago, cystic fibrosis.

Amazin' - Thank GOD we have kids that drive us crazy. pray

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Amazin' - Thank GOD we have kids that drive us crazy.

True... As bad as it seems like my situation is... It could be a lot worse.

I got a partial victory last week. Prayers were answered. I think there's more to come.

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Does your DD17 have proof that her money was withdrawn at the time of the car purchase?

She could request car or payment of "loan". If not, she could learn the joys of small claims court. This can not be done years from now. With bank statements, Title transfer dates-- your WW having no/job or money to otherwise pay for junker--

The judge can find in favor of your DD. Make your WW return the car, or pay her.

I would not let her be taken advantage of. This is our opportunity to show her how to stand up for herself.

At least get a promissary note, even if it is worth junk.

Good Luck,


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Amazin Offline OP
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Does your DD17 have proof that her money was withdrawn at the time of the car purchase?

My DD-17 withdrew the money herself. It was a couple of weeks before they bought the car. They opened another account at another bank. I was a joint owner of the original account. So yes... there is proof. Three ATM withdrawls.

Someone I know who is a financial advisor said something about juviniles not being able to withdrawl money out of their accounts without the parents consent. I don't know how true that is... I'd have to check into it.


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Well, you seem to have very poor taste in women. Hope you are working on that...........

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Amazin Offline OP
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I'm aware of my poor choices in women. You're not the only one who's told me that.

I'm not even close to wanting to date. And before I do I'm going to take a class on the book "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The same authors of Boundaries.

Safe People




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Oh, Amazin, just saying....................

I kept running into men that were not very good, and kept wondering "why me". Turns out that I had missed some red flags along the way.

My oldest son seems to need drop dead gorgeous girls. And that is the main thing he looks at. He's had problems all along.

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Amazin Offline OP
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I know what you mean Believer.

I plan on getting myself to a place where I can be in a much helthier relationship next time. There's some tools out there for betrayed spouses to do that.

Boundaries and safe people are a couple of those tools.

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