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 Originally Posted By: SeekingWife
How much weight does she need to lose?


She won't tell me exactly. But she started at least 60 pounds over the lowest weight she attained after the birth of S14. So at least that much.

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If she is working out (even minimally) every day, and cutting back on her calories, I am surprised she is not losing more--especially if she has a lot to lose total. I would definitely see the doctor.


Yes, she is both working out 1 or more hours per day and cutting back on calories. She has only lost 6 pounds and no one else on her team has lost less than 10 pounds. Several of the other paricipants have lost as much in 1 week than she has lost in 3.


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Actually 2 lbs per week sounds pretty good to me. And it sounds like a weight loss schedule that is more likely to be maintained and retained than a more rapid one. I think that bouncing up and down on weight is worse than a slow change. That weight wasn't gained in a few weeks and to be successful in the permanent loss of it, it shouldn't go in a few weeks. As a side effect she is less likely to suffer sagging skin if the loss is more gradual.

The thyroid thing might be worth checking into though. It can be sort of a subtle problem. I'm thinking about your daughter too. I wish we had caught it earlier with one of our sons.

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 Originally Posted By: hanora
Actually 2 lbs per week sounds pretty good to me. And it sounds like a weight loss schedule that is more likely to be maintained and retained than a more rapid one. I think that bouncing up and down on weight is worse than a slow change. That weight wasn't gained in a few weeks and to be successful in the permanent loss of it, it shouldn't go in a few weeks. As a side effect she is less likely to suffer sagging skin if the loss is more gradual.

The thyroid thing might be worth checking into though. It can be sort of a subtle problem. I'm thinking about your daughter too. I wish we had caught it earlier with one of our sons.


I agree that slow weight loss is better in the long run. But usually, when a person has a lot to lose, the first 10-15 pounds comes off quickly. However, I guess everyone is different.


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Everything I've ever read has said that you shouldn't try to lose more than 2 lb per week for health reasons. I'm surprised they're pushing for more than that. Also, a lot of people lose a lot at first because of water weight and such things, so it's not an accurate measure of success, those first 2 or 3 weeks. Two months would be a better measure.

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I agree that slow and gradual weight loss is best. I told her that when I congratulated her on losing weight 3 weeks in a row.

However, she is very disappointed and I fear that she may stop following the program if she always comes in "last". I'm not sure her doctor will give her thyroid meds, but the hope that the doctor may do so helps keep Mrs. Hold motivated to continue the exercising. She is meeting a friend at the gym today, so that is a good sign.

There is also the issue of what happens when this program ends on March 1. We hope Mrs. Hold will continue to exercise regularly, albeit not at the same pace as during the contest. If she "only" loses 10-12 pounds during the 8 weeks, she may feel she is so far from her goal and has made such little progress despite enormous effort that exercising isn't worth the effort. Whereas if she loses a little more during the contest she may feel more motivated to continue.

We'll see. Thanks for the response. Will keep you posted.


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Maybe you can pick up the slack by coming up with some activities the family can do together. Would be good for the kids to do such things, too.

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I agree that if she doesn't feel she has lost "enough" weight, than she will risk being discouraged enough to stop exercising completely. It is easy to drop back into old habits if you don't see any (or "enough") visible progress.

Maybe the doctor can give her a pep talk, even if he doesn't give her the thyroid meds?


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Hold, the first time I called Steve, when I explained the EN that I wasn't meeting was AS, for part of the session, he gave me a weight loss explanation that has carried me through the ups and downs. It was the switch, where now I BELIEVE that I can. Hold, it was great to hear how many people do this every day, and keep it off for good. I used to get discouraged and forget that part. I lost 20 pounds, and while I've plateaued a little, I'm still exercising, still moderating my eating, and feeling really good about it instead of discouraged.

I used to GAIN weight every year, and I feel so free knowing that if nothing else, I don't ever have to go through that again. The lousy feeling of clothes getting tight, and even worse, having to put the clothes in the back of the closet to make room for newer ones. I was so happy to give away my "heavy clothes," because I know I will never need them again. And I look forward to giving away the next set of clothes for good, too. I will be free to do that because I won't ever need them again, either. I encourage you to ask her to set up a call with him. Very motivational.


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Just wanted to caution that thyroid medications may not help her lose weight. At least, it wasn't the case with me or my sister. What it could do is make her feel less sluggish which could then make her feel more willing to be active,possibly.

Important to know that there is a laundry list of possible issues stemming from a sluggish thyroid, weight gain being only one of them. If she is depressed or approaching her 40's or in her 40's - she has more scenarios that would make weight loss difficult.

In my particular case, the only thing that seems to work for me is to cut out sugar, which can be difficult to stick with.

I think she's doing great, though, and if the doctor doesn't want to put her on thyroid medication, maybe wellbutrin would help her stay focused and less depressed. Sluggish thyroid has often been mistaken for depression and vice versa...


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"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

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 Originally Posted By: Soolee
If she is depressed or approaching her 40's or in her 40's - she has more scenarios that would make weight loss difficult.


She is depressed, in her 40s, and married to a guy who is also depressed. So yes, there are many complicating factors and obstacles here.


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It seems I have caught Mrs. Hold's STD. I cannot believe I agreed to have unprotected sex with her. So now, not only have I allowed her to poison the time we have been married, I have allowed her to poison whatever time we may have apart.

What she fears has come to pass. I never judged her for it before. Now I do. Ironic, isn't it. When I was clean, I did not begrudge her. Now that I am not, I feel differently.

The good news is that we no longer have a SF problem. She has succeeded in getting me to stop wanting her.


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Wait, what???

I'm sorry HOTI, there's so much from your personal story that I think I've missed some things. What is the story about this STD?

Is it something she contracted years before you guys met? Something kept secret? How did you manage not to contract it when you conceived your children?

I don't understand.

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She had it before we met. The only good thing about having sex so rarely was that we managed to dodge that bullet for all these years. Most of the time I insisted on protection - obviously not when we were trying to conceive but my "luck" held and we conceived on the first try all times. Lately we went without protection because she said she preferred it that way. Now I am disgusted with myself for giving in to her request.

So I guess we will have something between us besides the kids forever no matter what.


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Sorry man. \:\( I knew she had a history of abuse and resulting sexual issues, but I wasn't aware of that.

I wonder if she used it as a tactic to keep you around. To try and "ruin" you for any other woman.

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Hold, can I ask, what STD it was?

I found out that I had HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer in women, last year. That was hard to take. There is no test for men, but most partners of an infected person carry it, too, and it can lie dormant for many years. It is in a large percentage of the population. I don't know if I got it from H, or caught it before I met him. He's had many many more partners than I did. I remember how angry I was with H, that I was more likely paying the consequences for all the fun he had years ago, when we had so little "fun" in the present. But I had to accept it, because there was no changing it.


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 Originally Posted By: Seabird
I wonder if she used it as a tactic to keep you around. To try and "ruin" you for any other woman.


Well, we will smoke that out when I ask her to sign the notarized affidavit confirming that I got it from her. She thinks this is going to be "our secret". Only as long as we remain married. If she thinks I am going to stay married BECAUSE of this, she has another think coming.

 Quote:
But I had to accept it, because there was no changing it.


Yes, and we all know how good I am at accepting what I cannot change. ;\)


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 Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
It seems I have caught Mrs. Hold's STD. I cannot believe I agreed to have unprotected sex with her. So now, not only have I allowed her to poison the time we have been married, she has succeeded in poisoning whatever time we may have apart.


Hold, I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but you're just as responsible as Mrs. Hold. You didn't do enough to protect yourself and therefore you need to be accountable to that.

I understand the whole 'succeeded' part was your anger speaking out seeing it must be recent that you found this out. I hope you can find it within yourself to not cast blame. I'm sure your wife had no intentions of you catching this and I suspect she's going to have tons of guilt seeing you've contracted it. You tell me if I'm wrong.

I'm usually not a big fan of your W and the way she has treated you over the years ... but then you've decided to stay and take it. However, the things I'm hearing from you and other posters is really quite cruel and I would say quite disrespectful.


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Oh and despite catching this I'm sure you can still go on to have an active sex life. You just have to be careful with your sex partner.


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 Originally Posted By: MrAlias
Hold, I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but you're just as responsible as Mrs. Hold. You didn't do enough to protect yourself and therefore you need to be accountable to that.


I know. I said as much in my post. I am not nearly as angry at her as I am at myself. I permitted this to happen. I must pay the price.

 Quote:
I hope you can find it within yourself to not cast blame. I'm sure your wife had no intentions of you catching this and I suspect she's going to have tons of guilt seeing you've contracted it.


I can refrain from blaming her. I doubt I will ever forgive myself.

She does appear to have tons of guilt. I have zero sympathy.

 Quote:
However, the things I'm hearing from you and other posters is really quite cruel and I would say quite disrespectful.


The only person I am disrespecting is me. And in my view, I deserve it.

Thanks for the honesty. I did not come here looking for sympathy. Nor did I come here to trash Mrs. Hold. I came to scream out my pain. And to point out the irony to the few people in the world who might appreciate it. It is not like I am going to tell anyone in person "isn't it ironic that after complaining about the lack of sex and remaining monogamous for 16 years I ended up catching a STD"?


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Well, that is ironic (she says wryly). And I'm sorry that it happened, but I doubt that it was some plot on Mrs. Hold's part.
Also I doubt that it would make much difference to a woman who wanted to be your next wife - not exactly what one would choose, but not a deal breaker either.

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