Going over all this stuff from the last 7 months has put me in a bad mood.
Reading some of her "list".....knowing some of it is lies....some of it true.

I don't know why I am nervous about tomorrows court date. My attorney assured me that nothing was gonna really happen.

Looking at all my old posts....reading the replies....reading my WWs reactions to things....brings up emotions I have not felt in months.

I was supposed to go to small group bible study tonite and I did not. I still left the house like I was going.... I feel like God has gave up on me and I don't want to be with him rite now either.

The word "why" keeps going thru my brain....

Not a good time to give up on God. Not when your marriage and family is under assault.

I know Mel...I just wanted some quiet time. I am not giving up...I just feel forgotten.

Your feelings are misleading you, Carp.

Trust the facts!

FACT:
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Hebrews 13:5

Many are praying for you, Carp.

Hang in there buddy - dont give up - keep getting your ducks in a row.

Its a tough situation you are in. Very antagonistic and blatant affair while WW lives under the same roof.



quote from your first post.

You have also lived under a constant threat by the enemy. No wonder your faith is being taxed. You may even have a touch of PTSD.

Just remember you have already experienced the worst and things will get better.

Thx for the reassuring words guys.
I spent some time praying last night. I apologized to God for thinking he forgot me. Some of the stuff WW wrote in her impromptu journal could be looked at as bad for me. The checking on her and stuff like that.

At least at work today I am not alone....working with a couple guys who know what I am going thru and we will be telling jokes/goofing off all day.

I know I have the truth on my side.....I hope the legal system at least recognizes the thuth!

Prayers going up for Carp from Texas.

Thx everybody for your thoughts and prayers!!!

I had a great day at work!!

3 men working construction= things I can not repeat!

By lunch 1 of the guys said he cannot laugh any more today!

Headed home now and I am gonna BBQ some steaks.

No word from my attorney. I have a friend who is a court reporter and walked me thru the county court website. I can check that to see my next court date.

WW and the girls both have counseling tonite so I will have some alone time. I am picking the girls up WW dropping off.

Last night WW looked like crap!!
I had done my standard email in the afternoon and WW replied about what time she would be home. She got home, said she wasn't feeling well, went straight to her cave to lay down. The girls and I ate dinner, laughing and giggling. I poked my head in the cave to see if WW needed anything...she said no. She did get up to take the girls to counseling. When I went to pick up the girls a strange depressed looking woman was sitting next to D9. It was WW! She did not go to IC. I did not even recognize her when I walked in the waiting room. She never called to say she was there either. D12 came down from her solo time with the C and we all got up to leave. D9 went home with WW and D12 and I stayed to schedule the next appt. We hit the store on the way home to get a USB stick for D12 for school and a couple other household items.

When we got home WW and D9 were going to bed. I kissed D9 goodnight and said goodnight to WW.

Carp,

A friend of mine actually put Psalm 25 in a picture frame, which I have kept on my desk through out all of my mess (and I still have on my night stand).

I read it everyday and prayed on it in the middle of my He!!. Hope this helps!



Psa 25:1 To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
Psa 25:2 O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Psa 25:3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.
Psa 25:4 Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths.
Psa 25:5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.
Psa 25:6 Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses, For they have been from of old.
Psa 25:7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; According to Your lovingkindness remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.
Psa 25:8 Good and upright is the LORD; Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
Psa 25:9 He leads the humble in justice, And He teaches the humble His way.
Psa 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
Psa 25:11 For Your name's sake, O LORD, Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
Psa 25:12 Who is the man who fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
Psa 25:13 His soul will abide in prosperity, And his descendants will inherit the land.
Psa 25:14 The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, And He will make them know His covenant.
Psa 25:15 My eyes are continually toward the LORD, For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Psa 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.
Psa 25:17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses.
Psa 25:18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.
Psa 25:19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many, And they hate me with violent hatred.
Psa 25:20 Guard my soul and deliver me; Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
Psa 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You.
Psa 25:22 Redeem Israel, O God, Out of all his troubles.

Thx for that passage MM.



One of OMs uncles passed away this week. Wake is Friday. Part of me actually wants to send flowers with a card....to your family from ours...Mr&Mrs Carp and the little carps.

Probably not a good idea the more I thought about it.

If WW mentions not coming home tomorrow rite after work....I will ask her if she is going....I will tell her to extend or families sympathies to his. This will probably make her flip!

Dont tell your wife anything of the sort! She should not even be attending any of the events. His loss of a family member should not even be of an issue with your family.

I did like the idea of the flowers though...but not to the OM...but instead to the rest of the family!

The reason I know is by my in house intel gathering.
I certainly will say something to her of she says she is going.

Still debating the flowers....it could be twisted a 1000 wrong ways.

I LOVE this idea SOOOOOOO much!

It would create lots of conflict for them as he has to explain his sitch to the decent folks in his family, who he has been keeping the A a secret from.

You might want to include your girl's ages on the card too.

They know about the A. Exposure letters went to all of them. I am gonna go with silence....in legal terms it makes sense.

In legal news....next court date is march 9th. 1 day after our anniversary.....how fitting!

On the school front....been in email contact with D9s teacher today....she is not paying attention and not writing down all her homework. The teacher sent me a "you are doing a great job" email!!

Hey, make sure you give your wife an anniversary card, flowers whatever the day before your court date (on your anniversary).

It will confuse the heck out of her!

If.....that's a big word....I do anything....the word "happy" will NOT be in front of "anniversary"!!!

I will most likely acknowledge the day.....maybe just lay in bed....

WW has sent me the "going to a wake tonite" email.

Should I acknowledge I know who's wake it is?

Nah - just let all parties involved know that your WW will be showing up there with her boyfriend, the OM.

All parties??

I was gonna rey with send our families condolences to OMs family.