Arggh, so now I'm REALLY pissed off.

Still lying? Maybe. Even, probably.

Tonight I've heard the litany of things wrong with me. Oh, he tried not to act like he really believed it caused his infedelity, but I've heard about the old weight problem. And I've heard about how I've "made myself unemployable by assuming the identity of the mother of a sick child."

Give me a freaking break.

Yes, I have a child with big problems. Yes, I've become isolated. Yes, I left my career and probably can't get it back after 16.5 years away.

Yes,I've battled obesity my entire life, done the impossible, and know it is a battle I cannot ultimately win. Age and hormones will eventually defeat even my best efforts. I still fight, every day.

I acted in good faith. He did not.

What a spoiled brat.

Cyhrys, stick to your guns.

Chrys, I am so sorry...I don't know what else to say except for that. I am glad that you got the truth from the poly, even if your dumb*ss refuses to admit it.

(((hugs)))

That's what liars do when they are cornered - they go on the attack.

Screw Plan B I move for Plan D.

Lying [censored] STILL can't tell the truth.

I'm so sorry Chrys but I suggest you excise this cancer immediately. He will NEVER be trustworthy. I'm so sorry.

Crysalis

He just sent the NC email. I thought it was completely wooden and fake, and told him so.

He has called out for Monday and Tuesday, but as of Wednesday, I am at a loss.

I'm going to bed now. It is raining and i want the physical comfort of being in the same bed as my spouse of 28 years.

Gads, why?

Why?

Why?

I thought he was going to wait until more people had a chance to look at it? Why is he sending it, it is your letter. It is yours to decide what to do with it, not his.

I am sorry Chrysalis but I don't want Flick posting to him anymore. He is still a bit foggy and I don't want to run the risk that he starts to think Chewie's words have value.

OK I understand. By the time you get here something will have changed anyway. Either Chewie will have gotten it or our status will have changed. God, I hope, pray he gets it.

I told him to go ahead and send. I am expecting her to freak out for 2 days and then by wednesday when he goes back to work, who knows?

She is a crazy B%^&*N anyway.

No sweetie, you misunderstand.

We still want to meet and shoot and stuff, but for it to be like when you came here. Not talking about MB stuff KWIM???
So you ok'ed the sending? I will have to change my post to him

I okayed the sending.

I think FLick is really good for Chewie.


I also think it is good for Flick to help another struggler, like Chewie. In fact, I think Flick benefits from reaching out to help more than anyone he talks to.

But I ** know** chewie needs to associate *help* with a face and place, like Flick. I thin this was a little miracle for them, for me, to meet up.

ok.

Your prolly right. Chewie is the first time Flick has been interested in someone. I just worry because he does say slightly foggy stuff about the sitch. He did try to say the poly 'might' have been false, but also agreed that the episode on Mythbusters we watched about the accuracy was pretty compelling. Just quietly he did say he thinks Chewie is (expletive) five ways to friday, and should just fess up, take the beating and move on. 2 days out of his life max that way. This way just drags on and on ad nauseum

OK will it help if we bring Ds 14, soon DS15 along? Who is still, god bless him, innocent of all of this?

LOL sorry but Flick is brilliant

why are WHs so stoopid?

OK really really going to bed now..

G'nite sweetie. I'll email you my thoughts.

Chrys,

I was a lurker on this board for about 2 years before I posted, and I read your threads during that time. I have been re-reading them and I have bumped 3 on the GQ forum and 3 on Recovery in the hope that Chewie will read them and weep.

However, reading them again has given me a distressing overview of your experiences.

I think you have worked at creating a marriage of "technical' NC, openness and transparency, but that real NC, openness and transparency have not come about because of Chewie's alienation from the marriage.

You, Chrys, have never been allowed to explore the previous affair that Chewie has confessed to, nor the suspected other affairs. I saw that the current OW spoke of previous affairs - plural - when she left a message on his machine a few years ago.

It could be that Chewie has not been engaged in your marriage for many years.

Chewie's OW is married with children. Despite counselling with SH and despite the urgings of posters here, you have never exposed to her H.

OW clearly does not wish to leave her husband just yet, if at all, but she wants to maintain her affair with Chewie while she stays in her marriage. It could well be that she intends to leave her husband when her children are older, and that Chewie is waiting for her to make that move. There must be some reason why this affair has gone on for 5 years, through the near-breakdown of your own marriage and counselling and follow-up homework with SH. I don't think that Chewie is merely addicted to the high that contact gives him; I think that he is "in love" with, and committed to, his affair partner.

You should have exposed this affair to her husband when you first posted here and received that advice. Had you done so, it is unlikely that this affair could have continued in secret for so long. Exposure to her H might have made the affairees come out into the open and leave their spouses, or it might have made it the affair whither, but it is most unlikely that you would be where you are now. One way or another you would have had a clear outcome.

Whether you intend to stay with Chewie or not, this affair must be exposed to OWH today. You have enabled the continuing affair by allowing her to stay in contact with your H under cover of secrecy. You must by now know all the arguments for why the other spouse should know about the affair, whether it has ended or not. If you do not want to be here again in a few months or a year, you must expose to OWH right now.

And I've heard about how I've "made myself unemployable by assuming the identity of the mother of a sick child."

Wow, that one jumped off the screen and made my heart fall...........

Hugs to you.

Chrys and I had a discussion about this after her last D-day. SH is the one who told her NOT to expose. If she was paying all that money to counsel with him I think she should listen to him. I wonder what he would say about it now?

LC

I have skimmed through the read, admittedly, but I cannot find where he told her NOT to expose. I have read where she says "exposure did not come up at the last counselling session. I'll see what SH says at the next one" and then nothing was said by SH.

I know that SH sometimes counsels that exposure should take place if he feels that the WS can be drawn into recovery by him. If he told Chrys this, was it when Chewie was apparently on board with counselling and the Home Study course? Would SH have said this after D Day 4?