I was in the same situation as Zora, so I can relate here. I met up with a friend of myself and XH and started to hang out. One thing led to another. (You know how those things happen, right?)

Anyway, we spent nearly a week together, and I started to feel uneasy about things. One, I began to see him as the old friend, and not someone I would want as a mate. Two, I kept hearing people like my sister telling me how happy she was that I had Paul after all of the **** I had dealt with. Three, he had told me the only reason he was friends with us (the us being WH and I) was because of me (and, I believe this much was true, because he used to come over and hang out to watch tv and such when WH was not home... no nothing EVER happened... we were just buddies) He had always treated me differently then WH's other friends had.

Anyway, I did not like how I was feeling.

I treated him poorly on his last day home (he was living across the country and had only been home to visit) He left, completely upset. I emailed him and tried to explain, but to no avail. He was pretty hurt.

I have since spoken to him once, and that was about my SO. He wanted to know if I was happy, and if he was treating me well. He told me that as long as I was truly happy, that would be what mattered. He understood that he could not make me happy, and accepted that.

All around, it was a terrible situation to be in. I lost a friend, but I gained knowledge. I don't know what is going on with Zora's friend, or why he is wanting to be with her. Maybe things between them are the same as things were with my friend. Maybe it is the real deal. Who knows? I am not one to judge in this situation.

I do know however, that her XH is not right. Period.

This is exactly how things turned out for me and Paul. It took me a few days to realize he was not what I wanted or needed, and by then, our friendship was ruined. Life lesson.

Anyway, I relate completely to how you are feeling, and if XH started to email me and bother me, I would get really, really angry

zora, clarification, please. I thought that you had wanted him to leave you alone, but SW says you told him he could call you any time, and that you just wouldn't answer if you didn't want to talk to him. Is that correct?

At first I was ok with us being friends. I really thought we would be. Very naive of me I know.

But then he started coming on strong wanting to come back and work everything out. I can't deal with that so I don't answer the things he sends or calls.

I understand having the need to communicate about bills and other stuff thats why I never said I didn't want him to call me. But it's a far cry from the contacting he has been doing.

SW sent me flowers today at work. I appreciate the thought but I have no idea if I should respond.

Well, he says he is once again moving on...

That said, I would think any gift from anyone would require a response, wouldn't it?

Well, it's been a very long time since I've visited this site. And lots has happened since then. I stopped coming here because this place did not feel like a safe place for me to post anymore.

Silverwind and I filed for the D in December and had our final court date a week or so ago. We should soon get our D decree in the mail.

I had mentioned that I had started an A right at the end of things when Silverwind was on his way out with a mutual friend of ours. Well, that continued on and off since, in no consistent shape or form. I admit that I was in a bit of a fog when it started because I thought I would end up with the OM. But that has not been the case. We are only on a casual level. I am dating a few other people as well.

I know that this is not the MB way, but I also knew that I was never ever going back to SW, so I continued down this path. I often look back and wish that I had not had the affair only because I could walk away from the M at the end without anyone saying that I walked away because of my A or people pointing fingers. Now I am the evil spouse who had the affair and walked away. Hindsight is always 20/20 I suppose.

Silverwind sends me e-mail constantly about how I abandoned the family and how I am not the person he knew. How I chose the Devil over 'our' family. I feel like I am being verablly abused via e-mail all the time. I always read his e-mail because I still care and hope he doesn't do anything stupid. I feel terrible for his situation, he is without a job and extremely angry at me for all of this. He blames me for everything.

I know I haven't done everthing right, but back in September when he moved out, I made a decision to move on. This mess had gone on for so long I felt like it was time for me to put my foot down.

I live with the guilt of not trying to work things out in the end, of SW quiting his job for me, of giving up my dogs, of losing the family. But I also feel that I am emotionally in a far better place. I was miserable with things for a long time and everyone except me saw it. I am sorry things turned out the way they did and I am sorry that everyone ended up being so hurt. Hopefully time will give us all a chance to heal.

Thanks to the people here at MB who were so helpful through my tough times.

Zora,

SW is a manipulator. That's why he is sending you the abusive emails. He is trying to guilt you back into a relationship. I called him out on it when he was posting here. I always felt that all of his posts were an attempt to manipulate you. If the email barrage continues then just stop reading them. Block his email address. You have decided to move on so why continue to put up with the manipulation and abuse?

Mindshare

zora, thank you for letting us know! I was worried about you.

I so agree with mindshare.

And stop this stinkin' thinkin' about doing anything wrong. He manipulated you, and still does, and it's still working. You need to go back and read up on manipulative people.

You are divorced. Consider this lessons learned and move on. He'll just go find another girl to leech off of.

Please, do, however, consider backing off from the guys for at least 6 months. Make that a goal. 6 months. You can do that, right? Give yourself that time to breath, think, assess what you want out of life, where you want to be, what you need to do - all of which should be decided WITHOUT the input of a man. Why let any guy influence WHO YOU ARE?

Best of luck.

And change your email and phone numbers!

{{{zoya}}}