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Based on how many misspelled words there were.... it's my DD.

I can see that happening. We also have a family member whose writing always makes it crystal-clear whether or not help was given in putting words on a page...grin

tl

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Hey Pep...

Any words of wisdom, or advice?


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Originally Posted by Amazin
Hey Pep...

Any words of wisdom, or advice?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do - call the social worker back (the one who came to your home) and say:

"I'd like you to look at this letter sent by my daughter and tell me what you think of it."

Get it IN your official file - this makes you more transparent to the social worker --- rather than having the social worker discover the letter in another way.

This will bite XW hard in the rear - patience my friend.

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Yes, as a matter of fact, I do - call the social worker back (the one who came to your home) and say:

"I'd like you to look at this letter sent by my daughter and tell me what you think of it."

Get it IN your official file - this makes you more transparent to the social worker --- rather than having the social worker discover the letter in another way.

This will bite XW hard in the rear - patience my friend.

How so? Or... How will this bite her in the rear? The social worker already finished her investigation. I got a letter in the mail that said the charges were unfounded....


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Originally Posted by Amazin
How so? Or... How will this bite her in the rear? The social worker already finished her investigation. I got a letter in the mail that said the charges were unfounded....

Isn't that email from DD15 a violation of the protection order?

Don't you think it is possible that XW and DD15 are trying to get you to violate that order?

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Isn't that email from DD15 a violation of the protection order?

No. The order was modified. DD can contact me or come and see me. I just can't initiate it. DD can come back home if she wants. DD has to go to counseling for two months then we are both supposed to go together for another month.

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Don't you think it is possible that XW and DD15 are trying to get you to violate that order?

I'm sure they would love for that to happen.

In a way I see it as the walls are crumbling in on the two of them and they're getting desperate. Ex wife is trying anything she can to control the situation. Including manipulating DD and trying to drive a bigger wedge between us.

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I went to the Domestic Relations office this afternoon and filed a counter suit against the Ex. Needless to say I got the impression Ex wife wasn't totally honest with those people when she filed. I think they were kind of shocked that she owed 18,000 in back child support. She'll find out that I filed next week.

hurray Absolutely genius.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Amazin, since she initiated the contact. Can you reply to her via email and say "I love you, DD15" ??

I know it had to hurt - like the others have said, she is being manipulated. Stand strong with the "I love you, DD15"

You don't need to explain, you don't need to fight back at the ex through her, just love her and any opportunity you have to let her know, take it.

Once this thing with her mother is through, she is really going to need that and it will help her identify who the actual enemy is.


hugAmazin hug

Fox

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since she initiated the contact. Can you reply to her via email and say "I love you, DD15" ??

That's a good question. I'd have to ask my lawyer.

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know it had to hurt - like the others have said, she is being manipulated.

Yes it hurt. I know she's being manipulated and used. I'm not going to put her in the middle or try and use her to get back at the Ex wife. I'd like to tell her how much I love her but I don't think she'd recieve it right now.




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I'd like to tell her how much I love her but I don't think she'd recieve it right now.

She may not LOOK like she receives it, but every little girl needs to know her daddy loves her. Right now, just the three words are enough. Later.....when all of this is behind you, you can tell her how much.

Those three words will be WITH her, no matter how much she tries to bury it.

Hugs to you, Amazin. Our children don't realize just how deeply those words hurt us. Just as her words are hitting you, yours will hit her - make them positive.

She will regret all of this someday. If she knows your love still stands, she will come to you.

Fox


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Hugs to you, Amazin. Our children don't realize just how deeply those words hurt us. Just as her words are hitting you, yours will hit her - make them positive.

She will regret all of this someday. If she knows your love still stands, she will come to you.

Thanks Fox.

I appreciate the encouragement.

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And now another episode of... Days of our Lives...

Ex wife called the child advocate lawyer and she called my lawyer. Ex is whining and crying because she's staying at the Salvation Army and doesn't get paid until March 1st. (On January 27th she was supposed to get her first check around February 10th.) I'm sure on the hearing date of March 5th she wont get her first check until March 20th.

Well... She's wallowing in the stinky Sh*tty mess that she got herself into...

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So was that her trying to get the lawyers to make you give her money? Didn't work, did it? Just checking.

Oh, I want to second and triple and quadruple wh's thought that your daughter needs to hear ILY from you in each and every which way you can figure out how to do it. No, you won't get a response from her. Not now. But in 5 months when she's ready to pull her hair out cos of mom, when high school life is intolerable because of her situation, she'll be needing to believe it. Be creative. Find ways to let her know you're thinking of her.

And 10 years from now, you KNOW you'll be the one she hangs all over, too.

btw, you did great!

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Oh, I want to second and triple and quadruple wh's thought that your daughter needs to hear ILY from you in each and every which way you can figure out how to do it.

I hear ya loud and clear... Only problem is I've kinda got my hands tied. I can't initiate any contact with her. And the only contact she's made with me since Dec 27th was a nasty email that said she didn't want to see me ever again and not to ever contact her or she'll call the cops.

I do love her and I care about her. But I'm kinda stuck with what I got right now. If she gives me the opportunity I'll let her know that I love her.

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So was that her trying to get the lawyers to make you give her money? Didn't work, did it? Just checking.


Not yet anyway... My lawyer left a message for the child advocate attorney. He said she'll probably call him tomorrow. After he talks to her he said he'll call me.


I'm sure I'm not required to do anything yet... but my lawyer may advise me to give her a pittence for DD's benefit.

I guess I'll see tomorrow.

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but my lawyer may advise me to give her a pittence for DD's benefit.

rant2 WHAT?!?!

I don't like that one bit. If DD needs money for food, etc. and needs to live in a HOME - she knows where she has one.

Giving the ex money to enable her bad choices is terrible. That would be teaching DD quite the lesson.

Is ex giving you money for your older daughter that is back with you?

I hate that the lawyers/courts are asking you to be a doormat.

Fox


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I know it sucks...

But I'm sure if we end up in court on a custody battle... She'll milk it for all she can get.... "I was in a shelter and Amazin did nothing to care for his poor helpless abused starving daughter... We had to beg for bread in the streets. We got lice in the rat infested shelter and had to be de-loused. And I can't get a job that requires me to stand... or sit..." (I guess that only leave lying on your back)

No kiddin... she told me 5 years ago the reason she quite her truck driving job was because she couldn't sit on her butt for a long time.... But everytime I see her that's exactly what she's doing... Sitting on her Fat A$$...

I've been thinking ex wife needs a nick-name... And I finnaly came up with one.... Java the Hut... From the Star Wars movies.


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But I'm sure if we end up in court on a custody battle... She'll milk it for all she can get.... "I was in a shelter and Amazin did nothing to care for his poor helpless abused starving daughter... We had to beg for bread in the streets. We got lice in the rat infested shelter and had to be de-loused. And I can't get a job that requires me to stand... or sit..."

What this shows is that a "mother" puts her child through these things for the sake of money for herself.

There is no reason DD cannot return to you where she will taken care of appropriately.

DD has had the offer to come home, right?

Choices, we all make choices.

You are the ex's ex - you are not responsible for her anymore. If she can't get a job - too damn bad. That's isn't your problem.

I would hope that a court would see this for exactly what it is - and I think they will.

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I've been thinking ex wife needs a nick-name... And I finnaly came up with one.... Java the Hut... From the Star Wars movies.

rotflmao




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DD has had the offer to come home, right?

Yes... She knows she can come home any time... It's in the temporary order.

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You are the ex's ex - you are not responsible for her anymore. If she can't get a job - too damn bad. That's isn't your problem.

I Absolutly Agree!!! .... But in Java's pea brain she thinks everyone else is responsible for her wellbeing... (the goverment, her friends, her family.... they're supposed to be taking care of her right?)

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What this shows is that a "mother" puts her child through these things for the sake of money for herself.

I would hope that a court would see this for exactly what it is - and I think they will.

I hope so... My lawyer said.... "Putting the child in the middle of a support battle is a factor in a custody situation"

And that's exactly what Java is doing...

BTW... I see you like the new nickname hurray

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Originally Posted by Amazin
I'm sure I'm not required to do anything yet... but my lawyer may advise me to give her a pittence for DD's benefit.

A pittance won't be enough. It will just serve to whet Java's appetite for others to take care of her.

May I suggest you offer some things for DD15 .... FOOD or CLOTHING or BLANKETS or TOILETRIES and never ever offer cash.

A big basket of food.
A basket of soap, shampoo, cream, hair brush , toothpaste, a mirror, etc.
Some new inexpensive clean clothing - sweat pants, T shirts , sweat shirt, socks and sneakers.
A new sleeping bag. A new pillow.
And, books, lots and lots of books.

NO CASH grin


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One of the things that's stuck with me most of my life is watching stories on the news, or reading about, people who are separated, and they write each other letters. They may never receive the letters, at least not until later - and then they get the whole bundle of unmailed letters, but you have no idea the emotional connection it can have. Long ago, I found my mom's 'diary' - a couple boxes FULL of pages that she had written over the year. I never forgot about them, and when she moved into a retirement community 2 years ago and she had to pare down, I jumped at the chance to get those boxes! Not quite the same thing, but the point is that knowing a loved one's innermost thoughts...it's just amazing.

How about writing your D a letter every day, and just saving it for her? At some point, she will be ready to reach out to you. If she has a record of what you went through during this period...it can only be heartwarming and bonding for her.

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