|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
WW has ran off to the OM and taken the OC with her.
How long do I need to wait to change the locks on the house?
I will post more details later.
(at work, busy)
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383 |
I think in these specific circumstances ... what about today?
I assume you have protected your income.... bank accounts... credit cards etc etc
You can ALWAYS if the time comes and you want to let her back into your life .... however make no permanent decisions like this one way or the other for a while. Let the emotions settle.
BUT PROTECT YOURSELF NOW ...
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
A few weeks after my x left, before he became my x and while he was still a wh, our counselor understood why I did not feel comfortable knowing he could come and go. So, the counselor suggested I change the locks. I did. When h got ugly about it, I told him I would gladly give him a key when he came home to work on his marriage.
Now, what you can legally do and what you can try to do are two different things. It may be that, if his name is on the lease or deed to the residence, you may not be legally allowed to do this. However, it worked for me.
I never refused to give him a key....I just refused to told him what I needed from him before giving him one.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
WW has ran off to the OM and taken the OC with her.
How long do I need to wait to change the locks on the house?
I will post more details later.
(at work, busy) Gack, I am so sorry to hear it. I would change them immediately. If you don't, she will be free to come and clean you out. You don't want her in your house rummaging around while you are gone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
I assume you have protected your income.... bank accounts... credit cards etc etc Correct. We have nothing jointly, nothing has her name on it, nor does she have access to any accounts or cards. The house is in my Mothers name, not mine, not hers. She has nothing.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Why wait? You can always give her a new key down the road if you want. Before WW left what how is OM involved with OC?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430 |
I assume you have protected your income.... bank accounts... credit cards etc etc Correct. We have nothing jointly, nothing has her name on it, nor does she have access to any accounts or cards. The house is in my Mothers name, not mine, not hers. She has nothing. Just tell her your Mom made you do it!!  Sorry I could not resist!
Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
Why wait? You can always give her a new key down the road if you want. Before WW left what how is OM involved with OC? He was not. As of now, the OC (5 weeks old) is legally my child. However, in this state WW can easily force a paternaty test to prove I am not the biologicle father. Then I will be stripped of all legal parental rights (and responsabilitys) and the OM can then file for patternaty.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Gack, if the house is in your Mother's name, get her written consent and change the locks today. I'm so very sorry to hear about this 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
How do you feel about the OC? From your siggy you have no bio children with WW and I don't recall you posting much since OC was born. Do you still want to try and reconcile with WW?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
How do you feel about the OC? From your siggy you have no bio children with WW and I don't recall you posting much since OC was born. Do you still want to try and reconcile with WW? I love the OC like my own. I am willing to reconcile with WW if she is willing to have a cranial/rectum extraction. (pulls her head out of her but) But untill then I am not. I have exposed to her entire familly and all mutual freinds. I have everyones support. Plan-B letters where dropped off with members of her familly yesterday. All direct comunication has been terminated, plan-B is in effect.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
She notified me of her intentions yesterday afternoon via a text.
Message was as follows.
I'm sorry Gack1.
I'm not comming home.
Sorry 4 everything I've put U through
But I've got to do this.
I love you bye.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
If you are in Plan B then go ahead and change the locks. I normally wouldn't recommend letting WS take the children but since we are dealing with a newborn and said child is an OC, I'm not sure how much you could do to keep the child with you without going to court. Dealing with an OC and a OM that lives nearby obviously complicates the situation. You may love this child but what are your boundaries? Are you really prepared to deal with the long term drama an OC brings? Just food for thought.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
She notified me of her intentions yesterday afternoon via a text. What did your Plan B letter say? Is she supposed to contact you only when she's ready to reconcile? And did it name an intermediary? Delete the text and ignore it. She may be begging to come back in a week, she may be gone forever. Remove yourself from the drama.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
You may love this child but what are your boundaries? My boundrie is complete N.C. with the OM for life. Are you really prepared to deal with the long term drama an OC brings? I am, if she can do the above.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
What did your Plan B letter say? Is she supposed to contact you only when she's ready to reconcile? And did it name an intermediary? Typical PBL (parts borrowed from letters found here), yes it named a few intermediarys and said not to contact me untill she was ready to reconcile. Delete the text and ignore it. She may be begging to come back in a week, she may be gone forever. Remove yourself from the drama. She is already texting me asking me dumb questions. "Has my dads new phone showed up in the mail" "Are you going to cancel OC medical insurance?" "You can awnser this" Called her sister, told her to tell WW to stop texting me untill she is ready to be done with OM.
Last edited by Gack1; 02/10/09 12:53 PM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
I normally wouldn't recommend letting WS take the children but since we are dealing with a newborn and said child is an OC, I'm not sure how much you could do to keep the child with you without going to court. This is a definate concern to me. I love the OC very much, but I dont think there is any way I could gain any form of custody. I also dont know if it would even be the best thing for OC. If WW does not return, and we divorce, OC may be better off without me in her life. It's heart breaking, but I am trying to decide what is best for OC and for me. If it comes to it, breaking our ties may be whats best for both of us. Honestly I don't know. I have time to decide.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Wow Gack, I am so sorry to hear this. What a selfish mother she is. That OC will grow up very confused if you WW doesn't get her head on straight. My heart goes out to you and the OC.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
She is now telling her family that she is staying at the OM's house, but they are not together nor are they getting back together.
Odly, everyone sees through this.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
Another text from the WW
Message as follows
I dedicate this to you
I'll never find another you
Looks like it is a song, never heard it before.
The fog is strong with this one.
I guess to do a decent plan-B I need to block her number from my phone to isolate myself from her drama. I's this correct?
Or I could get the OM's number and text him asking him to please tell his girlfreind to stop texting me. That would be funny, but probably not a wise thing to do.
This really sucks.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
653
guests, and
51
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
