need to confront wife, how!

You can still confront and expose her without giving up your source. You only need to say, "it doesn't matter how I know. The FACT is that you have continued in your adultery."

When you expose to other people, you don't have to tell them how you know either.

Now that you're on to it, I would do a little more snooping and gather some more evidence. The more you have the better off you will be...

As I recall, all the states have different laws. But if you got the information off a computer that is in your home, you should be alright.

Then use any info you obtained by "questionable" methods to gain similar info through "legitimate" methods.

Hire a PI to follow her and take photos.... THAT is something you can take to court and not hang your head...

Congratulations! You have come to the single worst place in the world for legal advice.

Most marital attorneys will offer one free consultation, particularly in these times when no one can afford to get divorced. Pick an experienced on in your area. This probably won't be a new situation to him.

THAT SAID:

Not to instigate violence, but I wish I had held my fire until I could have caught them in a baseball bat moment.

Once you KNOW, there are a lot of ways to catch an affair openly.

Get a keylogger, for one (www.refog.com)

Throw a GPS under her bumper and watch her whereabouts on your computer screen.

Throw a voice activated DVR under her car seat.


etc. There are long threads here on it.

There's nothing unusual about getting into an email account and there is nothing illegal about installing spy software on a marital computer. You're allowed to do this.

If you were divorced or separated, that's a different story.

What do you do?

You don't need to reveal that you have gotten into her email. Do as the others suggest. If you know of a place they've gone to, then you can easily say that a friend of yours saw her there with OM.

Now, what is the absolute most important thing for you besides exposure?

It's protecting your rights as a father. Here's a few things I wish I had known when I was in your situation:

1. The legal system is mom biased, but rewards fathers who are prepared well and are good dads.

2. Most women get custody of kids because the dads make it easy for them to do so by moving out or simply giving the women custody.

3. The best way for you to end your wife's affair is to force her to face consequences for having one.

So how do you do this?

First, you get your intel. You have email evidence. Keep that to yourself. Get a friend or a PI to take pictures of her and OM out and about or of her going into his place or coming out of it.

The next step is to expose and confront. Expose in a shotgun fashion. Start with her family, then mutual friends, OM's wife or girlfriend, and then with your family.

Confront her with what you know. This is where your skills as an interrogator need to come into play. Don't reveal your sources. But throw out little tidbits of intel to get a confession from her.

How do you do this?

You say, "Is there anything going on with you and someone else that I need to know about?"

She'll deny.

You say, "What about OM?"

She'll say he's just a friend.

You say, "WW, I'm not a dumb man. I know it's more than just friendship. I know you have been seeing him at x, y, z or on x day."

She might still deny but you will start seeing some darting of the eyes as she starts to wonder how you know.

She might lie again and you contradict that lie with another little tidbit of intel about where she's been and what she's done or even something she's said to him.

DO NOT REVEAL YOUR SOURCE! You will lose a valuable source of info.

The worst thing I did was tell her how I found out. It shut down my ability to gather more evidence and get more solid proof of her cheating.

If you have pics, you can throw those out there as proof. If you have a friend that has seen them out, you can mention that without revealing the friend.

But start looking for other evidence. Cell phone records are a great source. Confront him by calling him and talking calmly to him. Calm will scare someone more than rabid anger.

Give us more details. What have you discovered? Is OM married? How old are your kids?

Understand, you have rights as a father and there in nothing more important to me than making sure that BHes protect themselves from idiot WWes with senses of entitlement that think they can take the kids away and replace the BH with OM.

You have a lot of rights and can secure them by playing your cards right.

The actions on the legal front are the same regardless of whether or not you want to save your marriage.

Aggressive action by fathers does two things: secures their rights as dad's and either gives the dad custody OR wakes up WW that she may lose access to her children.

It's often a very cold dose of reality for WW that she isn't going to get the kids just because she's a woman. It was the catalyst for Mortarman's wife who thought she was going to get the kids. Losing custody to MM was her wake up which led to the start of the end of the fog.

So the most important thing for you is to not be a doormat and protect your rights.