That's Middle South...

...Texas, that is.

Hence the house across the street.

It was not WHAT, but WHO. God! & 100% surrender!

I agreed 100% to do whatever SMB wanted!

Here is what she required.

tst - I'm with Chrys - I had given up hope for your marriage and doubted you were for real until you had the post nup agreement.

One day maybe you can post your story from your side about how this change came about.

Chrys,

No one should have believed me without heartfelt repentance and actions to back it up.

Chewie should not be believed either.
He has not been honest in 5 years ....... What was his character prior to that?

I'll check my WW's left and right ventricle for you.


I doubt it. He is being to be appalled at the consequences of his actions. He is probably beginning to go into withdrawal because of NC.

I've been tied up in my own drama, I haven't read the whole thread, has he even copped to PA yet?

Don't be heartened by false progress, you won't see true marital remorse for three months, if ever.

And I am wondering if Chewie's willingness to walk away from his 20-year prominence in the community and completely change the kind of medicine he practices to something far less demanding, in the location of my choosing, is similar to your post-nup.

Mike,

You owe me a new laptop. Mine got "laughed" on.

The character change started 9 years ago, the year our DS14 got really sick.

Before that he was....amazing.

Which makes me sadder than just about anything.

Thanks, I needed to hear that.

I thought Texans only pistol whipped people.

About the nasty emails from OW - have you changed your email addresses yet? You can also set up blocks so that anything with her name and specific key words will be permanently deleted without anybody ever seeing them. You don't need to read her lies - they only hurt you more and feed his addiction.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

drgnfly

(((((((Chrys)))))))))

I am so sorry. I don't quite know what else to say. I am sorry about the developments, I am sorry you are going through this (yet AGAIN), and my thoughts and prayers are going up to you. I read all of this on Sunday, and like Mark, was so mad, well, you know.....

Be strong and take care of YOU....(and that means NO WEARING THE PAUL McCARTNEY T-SHIRT ALL DAY..... )......

not2fun

A New Jerseyan would say that is a total waste of a perfectly good item that could shoot someone.

Them there Texan's are KNOWN for wastin' perfectly good items.........


not2fun

Not,

No worries, I put the Sir Paul shirt back in the drawer. It's only for treadmill time now.

The pastor visit was disappointing yesterday, I was hoping for some clarity and instead we spent 2.5 hours talking about a lot of stuff that just made me want to quit. Then Chewie had to take call last night and I had a complete meltdown. We were up until 2 or so with my meltdown.

So I made a couple of lists this morning.

One was "what do I want?" and "what do I need?"

The other was the pluses and minuses of 3 different options.

1. Open marriage-- Plan FU -- I'll do what I please, don't ask me any questions, we'll negotiate a fair schedule for time off from child rearing, and I won't even pretend to try to care about you any more. We don't have to move, we don't have to uproot DS14, and you don't have to make any uncomfortable personal changes. The downside-- emotional/relational. Sounded awful to both of us.
2. Divorce. I get free. We negotiate a fair childrearing schedule and a fair financial settlement. I can live where I want and do what I want. DS 14 could stay in his school and you don't have to make any uncomfortable personal changes.
Downside: emotional/relational; destruction of the family. Sounds awful to him; I twist and turn with the roller coaster on this one.
3. Reconciliation. We move away as soon as possible. We get serious about the MB program and build a life that works for both of us. Look for 5 years of really tough times to get to healing. You have to give up your current practice, your community, and DS14 will have to move and change schools. That's the one Chewie says he wants, and if it really happens I'd love that, too. I just don't trust it until I see it happen.

We talked about timing. The most precipitous thing would be for him to give notice and ask for a leave of absence for the notice period; but it is unsure they would grant his request for LOA and he'd be contractually obligated. What we are working on is job search stuff right away. Chewie has put together his CV and arranged for references and has already started sending his CV around.

I told him that if concrete steps were not taken regarding finding a new place to live by the time he has to go back to work Monday, I would divorce him.

The danger period is when he goes back to work. I don't know how I'll get through or he'll get through.

He told me today that before, when he ended the affair and it actually held for 2 months, he had held on to a few sweaters OW had been giving him every year for Christmas presents. I had no idea about them. He kept them because he didn't want to give them up. He lied to me at the time about whether he had given everything up. We are going to his office tonight and ditch them and anything else we can find that relates to her.

We are putting together a list of places to consider moving to and only a few of them are cold and dark. I did offer him the Antarctica suggestion.

Chrys...just so you know, this is exactly what we did.

It wasn't easy, but FWH's willingness to do this and his PUSHING to do it helped ease my discomfort. He took all the steps to make this happen, and it did.

It's been a good thing for us...I pray the same for you.

(((hugs)))

Hang in there, girl. Fight for your marriage and your family.

Keep in mind that hubby is a drug addict. When he goes cold turkey, he will get over his addiction.

It is interesting to me that he seemed to change when your son got very sick. Sick kids are a big strain on the marriage. Maybe he felt guilty thinking that he should have been able to heal your son, or prevent his illness.

Your husband has been with you this far, and hasn't left for the OW. She is nasty, and maybe somewhere deep inside he realizes that.

Take care of yourself right now, and don't settle for less than you deserve.

I have posted to your H before, but never to you. I was not at all hopeful about your M until I read your last post and the plan 3 for your H to change jobs and your family to move to a different area.

My H's A was with a co-worker and although the P part of the A ended right away, it was not until three months later when he left his job and we moved several states away that we started to R. I fully believe that if my H were still there, the A would have been back in full swing. The "spell" the OW cast over him was amazing (still feels like a kick in the gut even though he now is disgusted by her)and took several months to overcome after NC was established. And he was NEVER able to tell her "no" when she wanted to talk.

BTW, those three months when he was still working with the OW and they were still "talking" at work were terrible for me. H was working in Atlanta and DS and I were in Richmond. Every day was torture until he left there. My H had agreed to tell me about any/all contact which he did (or at least most of it). And everytime he did, I was immediately on the phone to OWH to let him know. It cooled the rest of the A off quite a bit. On his last day of work there, even though we had practiced how he would respond when she asked to talk, he could not resist the big good-bye speech. And he only wrote the NC letter 2 days after that.

I agree it will be very difficult for you when he goes back to work. I hope it will not be for long and that you will find a way to get through it.

Prayers and best wishes.

AM

Don't EVER settle...

True recovery only comes from not settling.

You need compensation not a settlement.

He's been busted and now he is being broken.

Still praying for both of you.

Mark

I might have missed it but has Chewie even admitted yet the PA?