Nope. Still sticking to EA story, despite flunking that very question on the poly.

*sigh*

Until he confesses this is all a waste of time, hon. You'll move somewhere with the same crippled divorce and unanswered questions.

(((Chrys))),

I'm sorry the meeting with the pastor was disappointing.

Be sure to call the medical boards in each state you are considering and inquire what the process is and timeframe to get a medical license in their particular state.

LC

Mike,
I think he enjoys the sport of "Death by 1000 Cuts" at least as much as your W.

Chrys....please email me - cinderella4mb

you can find me @yahoo.com

Cinders, email sent.

Thanks. Can't check personal email from work. Locks up my computer. Will check it tonight or this weekend.

I've been stopping myself from posting to you, because I fear that what I am thinking will be too painful and make it 1001 cuts.

Let me know when you feel ready, if ever.

Sorry, Chrys, but that is meaningless if he is not even willing to come clean about a PA.

There has been no change of heart if he is still unwilling to be completely honest. His lack of honesty proves that he is not willing to do whatever it takes.

Are you wiling to settle for a dishonest man going forward? (that is a sincere question that you need to examine...you may decide you are...it's your choice, Chrys.)

Honesty and openness is a FIRST step, and not an optional one.
A marriage built (or REBUILT) on lies (or just one lie) is standing on shifting sand and will crash again one day.



All the actions I required of tst were actions that would demonstrate whether tst's HEART had been DEALT WITH. I wasn't looking so much at THE actions themselves, but what the actions demonstrated about his insides. If he had done everything else on my list, but refused to be honest, I would have known that the HEART CHANGE was still not there.


I know that this is all just about unbearable for you, and I'm sorry. There is nothing more I would like to do than post a warm fuzzy post to you about how great Chewie is doing. But the bottom line is....he's still a liar.

{{{{{{{{{Chrys}}}}}}}}

Chrys - I have to agree - A lie also leaves Chewie open to blackmail by the OW - if he won't come clean about the whole thing now, she's got leverage on him for future contact or she'll come clean to you!

OW want the destruction of marriage. Lies leave seeds for OW to break the bedrock that marriage is built on.

Chewie failed the lie detector test on several related questions. This is not a mistake. He's not a victim. He's a liar and one that will move you away, snow you again into thinking he's "Honest John". And he doesn't have anymore chances to blow but he will if the lie isn't dealt with NOW.

I would proceed with Plan B or whatever you need to do but do not move forward with this man until he's humbled to the dust - and not an actor playing the part of a man humbled to the dust.

Chrys (and Chewie),

In 9 years on this forum, the simplest line was posted to me yesterday on this issue by Aussie:

"You want me to forgive? Okay, what exactly am I forgiving?"

Once my WW opened up the other day, the ability to forgive her appeared on the horizon like a tiny wagon of posies and daisies rolling toward god that is gay.

Moving, NC letter, you both are delusional. We all knew Chewie was lying -- then he failed a poly to underscore it!

This isn't some minor detail, it is the single core of an infidelity issue.

This is exactly what happened to GreenMile. His OW kept his nasty emails and IM's and used them to threaten him for at least a year and a half. He was trapped. Now that does not give him an excuse but it did happen. She still has them and has threatened to send them to our kids, everyone he works with and me. We have defused her by preempting that and he has told the kids and the people she might have been able to find. The only thing that will stop Chewies OW is for him to come clean and preempt it. It stopped GM's OW, at least for the last 3 months.

And the saddest thing is that unless Chewie undergoes this humbling for real and comes clean about everything, when OW does pull a stunt - after the cost/expense and trouble of a move to save the marriage, and he gets caught he's going to say OW lies! He's a victim. Again. Misunderstood.

If it weren't for TST, I wouldn't believe there is a chance for Chewie to do this. But he has to go through the PAIN that TST went through. Surrender EVERYTHING. Including the lie! And leave himself wide open to the mercy or justice of Chrys that he knows he doesn't deserve!

I'm waiting to see evidence of that true humbling, Chewie - I've seen it so I know what to look for, and you're not putting out yet. So I'm waiting!

If it were not for TST and the advice of SMB regarding how they did it I would not believe GreenMile could do it either. Now I think he has but then it is early and will take a good long while before I ever feel safe enough to really trust him, if ever. Still, TST has been an excellent role model for anyone needing to do this and an excellent teacher as well.

I believe I have seen that surrender here. Still I will remain guarded as I think we all should, Chrysalis especially now.

Bandaids do not work, there has to be a ripping open of the soul. Then you can dress the wound.

Post whatever you think, no one else seems to mind!

No, I decline.

Chrys,

You've been on this side of the message board. You know what it's like to have your own heart ache for someone else here.

That's what we ALL ARE FEELING FOR YOU. I'm sure that everyone here would prefer to say to you, "WOW! Chewie is gettin' it. He's finally seen the light."

But no one here's going to lie to you. We have no reason to.

And believe it or not, we don't want to see you hurting anymore than you already are.

We aren't the big bad bullies trying to rain on your parade. We all see a MAJOR

Not a minor one.

Would you prefer we ignore it and watch you set yourself up for more heartache?

If you are willing to spend the rest of your life with someone who is lying to you, it IS your choice. But you aren't going into this blind, yanno?

???

I am puzzled. Did I offend?

Not at all. I don't want to offend you.

Even the 2 x 4s have not offended me. I don't see anybody here posting in bad faith to me, which is a bit different than what I have observed in my marriage in recent years.