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GWN, while it seems scary, you are in a much better position TODAY than you were yesterday. Bringing this all out in the open in an atmosphere of conflict is much more harmful to the affair than peaceful coexistance. As it was, your W was planning on continuing her affair all along. Your W will be angry temporarily, but your marriage can survive that. You have shown her that you will fight for your marriage, and that is what she needed to see.
Does she know that her parents know? Are they going to take her in?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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she knows her parents know ... they will take her in, but they won't support the affair at all - they will take her to task on her behaviour and hopefully help break through the fog.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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so ... am I still in plan A?
she's welcome back home, I'm still avoiding LB and learning to be a better man, but insisting that the affair end.
I've not asked her to leave ...
still Plan A?
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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Joined: Apr 2001
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so ... am I still in plan A?
she's welcome back home, I'm still avoiding LB and learning to be a better man, but insisting that the affair end.
I've not asked her to leave ...
still Plan A? Yep! Just stick to the plan and say lots of prayers and hug your kids alot. Don't try to reason with her [a waste of time] and don't allow her to bait you into a fight. If she comes after you again, just tell her you are so sorry she is upset about the exposure, but the OMGF had a right to know about their adultery too. In fact, everyone does. And...would you like a potato chip?  If she tries kicking you out, tell her NO THANK YOU.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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you have all been a tremendous help tonight. I needed some friends to tell me that I did the right thing. I'm scared that she's gone for good - but I realize that if she is, she had already made that decision.
if you have more encouragement bring it on ... I'm a sucker for it tonight.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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GWN, I just read the days events and you are doing great. You will not regret anything you have done in the last couple of days no matter what the outcome.
No one knows what will happen next for you. In all honesty most of the time they do not stop the affair right way. You should be under no illusion about that. But you have done the things you can do and you cannot control what she will do.
Plan A if you have it in you, but I suggest you go to plan B as soon as you feel you have too. It is not just the emotional toll this has on you and your family. If you wait to long you simply wont want her back.
You should be very proud of what you have done today.
BS ME 35, XWW 37, DS 7, DD 5, DS 5, D-day1 12-20-2007.Multiple Ddays
Divorce 1/29/2009
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WW will likely try to pick fights with you, guilt you, and draw you into her "poor me, you ruined my life" drama. Just let her have her melt downs and avoid engaging as best you can. Don't believe anything out of her mouth. She will be spinning her version of the truth every which way. The more desperate she gets the more bonkers she may become. Does she communicate by email with OM? Have you looked into a keylogger?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Did OMGF say you could contact her again if needed?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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key logger is in place.
has been for a while ... mostly nice pleasantries, nothing salacious.
thanks for the encouragement. I am proud of manning up and walking right into their office, confronting them both on their turf and saying that I'm not going to stand for this.
I hope she breaks and comes back.
I suspect that you are correct that this isn't likely to happen quickly.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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Posts: 135
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Did OMGF say you could contact her again if needed? yes she did.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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Posts: 135
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I would IMPLORE you to sit those kids down NOW and tell them about the affair and give them moral guidance. If you don't, SHE WILL. [and they won't get the truth] You have the affair on the ropes now, don't give up. Telling the kids will BRACE them for what is to come and it will also further smash your wife's fantasy. any suggestions on what I might tell the boys, they are 8 and 6
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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How long was the PA?
There is a rough formula that calculates how quickly recovery takes place based on the time in PA.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I would IMPLORE you to sit those kids down NOW and tell them about the affair and give them moral guidance. If you don't, SHE WILL. [and they won't get the truth] You have the affair on the ropes now, don't give up. Telling the kids will BRACE them for what is to come and it will also further smash your wife's fantasy. any suggestions on what I might tell the boys, they are 8 and 6 I wish SMB was over here because she has recent experience with this. But I would give them the facts. Tell them their mother is having an adulterous affair with a man from her gym. Tell them WHY adultery is immoral: "mommy is married to me and is only supposed to be with me, her husband." Let them know this has caused you great pain and that is why mommy and daddy are having problems right now. Explain to them that you are standing up for your family and will always be there for them. I am so very sorry.  This will be hard, GWN, but they will be better prepared for what is to come if you tell them. It will also be harder for your W to drag them into her affair unwitttingly.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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PA was one event, 4 weeks ago.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Posts: 6,108 |
Since they work together, recovery can't even begin until one of them is gone and WW commits to rebuilding. What is her personality? Is she stubborn? Needy?
As for OMGF, you could always give her WW's email and cell phone #. I know when my OWH contacted my FWH and told him the 921 ways he was a low life POS, he felt like dirt. It worked for me. LOL
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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thanks for the encouragement. I am proud of manning up and walking right into their office, confronting them both on their turf and saying that I'm not going to stand for this. I am proud of you, too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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she is generally stubborn, but last time I saw her she was pretty broken and disoriented, not really sure what she'd gotten herself into.
i will pass that info on to OMGF ... nice call.
M - 12yrs
BS = me
DS8, DS6
EA D-day = 01/25/09
PA D-Day = 02/12/09
Plan A 01/27/09 -
Plan A with earnest exposure 02/12/29
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
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she is generally stubborn, but last time I saw her she was pretty broken and disoriented, not really sure what she'd gotten herself into.
i will pass that info on to OMGF ... nice call. Dang, I like it too..
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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she is generally stubborn, but last time I saw her she was pretty broken and disoriented, not really sure what she'd gotten herself into. REALITY has that effect on intoxicated aliens.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My kids understand that M is a promise for me to only love their dad and vice versa. They also understand the religous aspect of M. I told my kids that daddy had broken his promise and told lies that hurt me deeply. We talked about the consequences of lying, break their promises, and hurting people with examples they could understand. I then told them that OW wanted to be daddy's wife/GF and he was wrong to let her because he was supposed to protect his family.
I don't know how open you are with your children but I even took it a little further about respecting our bodies while still keeping it PG.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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