I have to go feed my munchkins. You are in good hands, gwn. I wish I had found MB as early as you did. Maybe would have saved me from destroying a few extra brain cells.

Watch out for Mel though. She packs some serious heat.

don't worry, br, I won't shoot the man.

LOL I know that.

If he was in denial or paralyzed by fear, I'd advocate pistol whipping him, but he's good.

exposure to OMGF seems to have tipped the scales ... all hell is breaking loose, outcome is uncertain, but at least we're no longer in business as usual mode, my WW wiping her feet on the doormat that was me.

Good! I hope the OM dumps your wife.

Let her burn. OM will likely throw WW under the bus soon enough so just stand back and wait for her to be charred and broken.

yep, i hope that happens sooner, rather than later.

good news ... tonight, she's at her moms - not off shacked up in some motel just to get back at me.

also, the OMGF swears he's not into kids, said he wouldn't have kids with her - no way he's going to be into taking my kids on as a part-time dad (not that I'd let him within 10 yards of them)

Dang, that means your W would have to choose between the kids and the OM. That is, if he is going to bother with this mess. I suspect your WW will quickly become too much trouble for him. After all, he is a man of low character and decency who was just out for some fun. Not so much fun when an irate H comes after you!

Next time you speak to the OMGF, how about asking for the OMs parent's phone #s? Maybe they should know what a scumbag their son is?

Wanted to add my 2 cents - great job GWN. You are now one step closer to R. This will be a rough ride but the OM confrontation with the WW is great.

Basic advice - now make the option of a loving home with a forgiving husband and kids more attractive than the sleazy affair with the POS.

From:
A Canuck now living with Texans

thanks for the 2 cents ... working on getting my head back on the carrot end of plan B ... the stick was plenty effective today.

Yep spread some icing on POSOM's cake. Heck maybe WW could even get an earful from her fantasy "in-laws"

I'm thinking that you may have to put her hand on the bible.

Read her the section of the old testament how they tested wayward wives. Then ask her to describe the number of times they made contact.

Do your sermons get better of worse from this ordeal?

feeling the full weight of betrayal today. Devastation might best describe it. I know you all can identify with that hollow feeling in your chest ... like your lungs are only half full.

WW went to her moms last night ... I'd already exposed to WWmother so I hope they had a good conversation. I'm not sure what to do next ... I know that sitting around brooding and waiting for WW to call or show up is not a good plan. So I guess I'll just get at the day, look after myself and my house and be a good father.

also, I told my boys last night ... that was very difficult, but the right thing to do.
they are 8 and 6, the script went something like this ...

"do you guys know what it means to be married?" my youngest responded "it's when a boy and a girl kiss each other on a special day" (too cute)

I told them that when you get married you make a promise to only love one person. That mommy promises to love only daddy, and that daddy promises to love only mommy. I told them that mommy was breaking that promise because she loves someone else. I also told them that the broken promise makes me both sad, and mad. I made sure that they know that she still loves them very much, but that what she was doing was bad and that we should pray that she stops breaking her promise.

I also let them process their feelings, both said (with tears in their eyes) that they were sad that mommy was doing something that makes me sad.

Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to have that conversation, it was necessary and right.

{{{{{{{{{GWN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I know it was so hard to do this. God Bless you and your little boys. You are good man who is standing up for his family and doing what is right even though it is very hard. I think you did a very good job of making it age appropriate.

Instead of waiting around for her next move, why not plan something for you and the kids this weekend that will get you out and away from the house? I would try to keep as busy as possible and not allow this train wreck to shut down your lives.

Another thing that helped me tremendously was getting lots of exercise and eating right. I hate to bring up exercise in this circumstance, but it did more to calm me down than anything else. I went out and bought the toughest weight lifting tape I could find [for women] and a set of dumbbells and lost myself in exercise.

I am not a big fan of anti-depressants, but others have used them to good effect.

Hang in there, GWN. This is going to get better, I promise you. At least now you know you have what it takes to stand up for your marriage. You did good.

GWN

Just a reminder - in the big scheme of things - a man's main responsibility is to provide and protect his family. Protect his family from any dangers especially an OM.

Sometimes we as men get hung up on jobs, careers, our buddies and the power game while the family becomes the appendages to the lifestyle. We lose the focus for the reason we are here for. All our work and games will go away but our family will always be there.

Interestingly in the animal kingdom like lions biologists have witnessed where a new dominant male will kill the female's offspring to make sure her attention is given to him, get her in heat and provide for his offspring. I think oddly we can and have seen this behavior with WW.

I dont know what character your WW is - sometimes this kind of exposure will blow away the fog quickly because they will witness the horror they have created. I pray that it is so for your family.

I sometimes think myself to be a “tough guy” but reading the above shows me to be nothing but a pushover.

GWH, you are the conductor to the symphony and every note is ringing in perfect harmony. While I sure can’t tell you that you will be successful I can assure you that you are doing preciously what can best save your marriage. Stay the course.

Mr. G

You are a good man, gwn. {{{gwn}}}

Expect WW to get bent out of shape that you would "dare" tell your children anything of her A. Keep calm. Don't engage in an argument. Don't apologize for giving your children moral guidance because she fails to. Let your boys know that if they have questions or want to talk about their feelings that they can talk to you.

Did you manage to get any sleep last night? Make a fun day with your boys; the park, ice cream cones, mini-golf. It will be good for all of you.

Prayers to you.

so ... ww is back ... committed to NC. Totally broke it off with OM (i know there will be relapses, not that naive)
changed work hours so they'll not be on the same shift ever. (that's a start - moving toward the ideal of her own studio)

so, now she's in withdrawal, I'm ready to love on her, and maybe start receiving some love in return ... any idea how long this awful tension lasts before she begins to re-engage in us?

plus, how do i lose the image of her being intimate with another guy?

anyone out there been the wayward - what's going through her head right now? I'd love to understand.

gwn, I am not trying to discourage you, but this is not a START. It is a NON-STARTER. Working on different shifts will not prevent the occasional sighting. And every sighting will put her back to Day 1 of recovery. She has to LEAVE THE BAR or remove the alcohol from the bar in order for recovery to take place.

Agreeing to this will damn you to a death of thousand cuts when this turns into an on-again, off again affair becuase she is triggered every day she goes to work.


You are sending the alcoholic into the bar every day and expecting her to sober up.