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I'm concerned about your focus on finding a man before finding yourself, Queenie.

I continue to be concerned about you but don't want to be preachy.

You sooo trigger my codependency issues.

You are truly lovable and likeable, making folks gloss over the self-destructive stuff that you continue to do.

IMO, the fact that you went on a date is a serious matter..while you are working on your addiction at this time. You know that and you knew exactly what you were doing.

Sorry.


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You ALL happen to be right. I have worked extrememly hard to become the woman G-d has always designed for me and to begin dating or letting someone feed me continually is just wrong at this point.

I would NEVER have considered doing what I did without seeking G-d for guidance and talking to my spiritual advisors. I didn't do this for any reason but just to experience what is possible in my new future. I won't believe what I did was wrong because I followed all the channels I have come to learn to follow. But that doesn't mean I have free reign to date. I am still married and I take that seriously.

Here is this FOGGY talk again. What in the world are you saying? You are conflicting yourself over and over again. Dating is WRONG in the first paragraph but in the second paragragh you "won't believe it was wrong". Which one is it? GOD and your spiritual advisors told you to do it?

Are you being HONEST, Queenie? I know about how ADDICTS communicate...YUCK..


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Mimi,

You were a little blunter than I was trying to be, and I was intending to work a little dialogue into the mix to arrive at that point, but I totally agree with what you have pointed out in its entirety.

I was just going to try to get her to come to that conclusion on her own.

But since you brought it up...

Queenie, look at what Mimi quoted and tell me what YOU see.

Mark

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Mark, I hadn't read your post...I will go back and read it..

I do tend to be BLUNT...

flirt


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Queenie is MUCH stronger now than she was in November of 2007 when this thread began.

I don't exactly agree with this.

I'm saying this out of love and care for you, Queenie..as much love and care that can be established from knowing you anonymously on this forum...and we know each other a bit more than that although we have not spoken or met in person...

Just a few weeks ago, you admitted to be actively working on a FOOD ADDICTION...

This seems to have developed over time OR was present all along...

I don't think we are being helpful to you if we close our eyes to this and pretend that this did not occur...

So while battling THAT ADDICTION, you open yourself up to another ADDICTION..an AFFAIR ADDICTION..

Queenie, you know yourself how you are different than many others here...

You are prone to situations of wanting to GET HIGH...

I don't think it's healthy for us to ENABLE you in your ADDICTIVE process

And I think you are being DISHONEST with us, being DISHONEST with people who have grown to care about you.

You stayed away from the forum, went on a date, full well knowing that this would not be supported by most of us that have been following you...

Then, you come back and say, "I'm sorry..I should have known better...

Queenie, don't go down this road of playing games with people who have grown to care about you...

Then, we reject you..then you rationalize this as a reason to continue to USE...

Don't do this, Queenie...

I KNOW THE GAME...


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Did you look into that treatment program at the local university? The goal now is to work on YOURSELF..LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF...It is not at all time for getting into a relationship...until YOU are EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY HEALTHY...


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Originally Posted by mimi_here
Did you look into that treatment program at the local university? The goal now is to work on YOURSELF..LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF...It is not at all time for getting into a relationship...until YOU are EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY HEALTHY...

Yeah! What Mimi said! You tell her, Mimi!!!

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I had all these things typed in to say to defend my actions, but then I wrote something that made me understand what you meant. I didn't get it until just now and I'm sorry.





BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}}

I came on here to post to you that Mimi is right. I asked for tst's perspective on this, being that he has been in recovery for drug/alcohol addiction for 25 years.

He agreed completely with Mimi. Your addictions need dealt with before ANYTHING else.

I'm glad you already get it.


{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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Here is this FOGGY talk again. What in the world are you saying? You are conflicting yourself over and over again. Dating is WRONG in the first paragraph but in the second paragragh you "won't believe it was wrong". Which one is it? GOD and your spiritual advisors told you to do it?

Are you being HONEST, Queenie? I know about how ADDICTS communicate...YUCK..
Dating is wrong. A date was something to occupy my time and yes take the pain and sadness away, therefore feed my addiction which at all costs doesn't want to feel the pain. Because it still frickin hurts. OK. I'm doing one more thing that I don't want to do. I love my H, I miss him so much but come on, he isn't coming home, he isn't going to wake up and miss me or his children, well maybe his children.

Anything I say at this point is going to sound like I'm in my victim role or justify my actions and I just simply am not healed enough to cleanly walk through this.

And to be honest, my pattern is to run. I know you care about me, I know you want me to heal, but I'm embarrased and I have nothing to say that will make it better.

I checked into a treatment program. My insurance will not pay one dime and it costs a minimum of 6000.00. I would ask you to remember one thing, as much as you care about my I too care about YOU, you saved my life when I didn't want to move forward or live. I trusted you to go into Plan B when I didn't want to go and I have kept walking when all I wanted to do was give up.

But I'm human, I'm still hurting deeply inside and G-d understands I'm at my breaking point.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Is it OK if Queenie goes out with a mix company group as "friends" and not a "date"?

Seems like Queenie just enjoyed a dinner with a man but called it a date.

And Queenie is not ready to date, but is lonely for some company -- not an affair.

Just MHO.

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Thank Holy, I appreciate the covering for me. And yes, it is ok for me to go out with a group of friends. And yes, maybe I am using the wrong word. What date means to me isn't what the world says.

However, that isn't the point Mimi is making. She is right, I didn't just decide one day to do this, I have to look at what I was thinking beforehand that precipitated the action. You see, I am an addict in so many aspects of my life and she is making me look at how my behavior doesn't just happen. My addictive mind goes to places and I justify it or plan it and instead of coming here and saying I'm wanting to go out to dinner with this man, I conveniently used this time when my computer wasn't working to go out.

I'm not going to get into an argument about whether dating or a date or dinner is wrong for all people, Mimi is talking about ME and my ability to hurt myself or be self-destructive for whatever reason that hasn't truly be realized. Instead of keeping working through the pain of what it is, I have the uncanny ability to side track myself when the pain hurts or I have feelings that I don't want to have.

I am lonely and I'm not ready for an affair or even a relationship, but going out to dinner did give me a high from the pain and sadness of my M ending in the last way, legally. And so many on here have watched me walked through this time trying to become a healthy person in all ways possible. And this addict mind loves the high of whatever because it allows me to escape and when I'm so close to the end, I'm trying to escape as much as possible.

Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 02/15/09 09:24 PM.

BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I know you care about me, I know you want me to heal, but I'm embarrased and I have nothing to say that will make it better.

ABSOLUTELY, you got this right..and I completely understand...

Stick with your 12 Step Programs...

I pray for you without ceasing...

((((((Queenie)))))


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I am lonely and I'm not ready for an affair or even a relationship, but going out to dinner did give me a high

This is what I was THINKING and it made me WORRY about you...

Unlike some others..your propensity to try to GET HIGH...it could get something started..


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Unlike some others..your propensity to try to GET HIGH...it could get something started..
:crosseyedcrazy:


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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You know what I mean, don't cha????

rotflmao


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kiss


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Queenie, whatever decision you feel most comfortable with is the right one for you.

A question - what if you lived in a state or country where there is a 5yr seperation period before you can apply for a divorce?

And IMO we all want someone to love and to love us. We (generally) as people need to feel this and share our lives with someone. Its human instinct.

Nobody wants to be on their own. Being happy in yourself is one thing but its not until you find someone special that you find your happiest.


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Vladi, what's the question?

I missed it...


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie!

Got your text. Call me if you want to. Obviously, I'm around and able to talk. Just hanging out, posting on MB and enjoying listening to my dog SNORE!!! (and she's not even that big!)


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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