It was a bit of a tight rope walk for our girl ... demonstrating warm and welcoming changes and willingness to forgive and reconcile while at the same time conveying the idea that there is a time limit to this marital limbo and getting the message to WH that our girl is making plans to live her life as a capable single woman without him.

WH needed to realize he is making a decision to lose our girl if he fails to make a decision.
WH was 100% certain our girl would wait around for a long long long time. That certainty needed to be eliminated.

Well played T2L.
Now be absent so it has the most effect.
And he needs to be off your radar. No more keeping track of WH by any means. You're too busy living your life.

What day are you free for lunch?

T2L,

A beautiful letter - a love letter if there ever was one. It is truly what he needed to hear.

He will read it more than once, looking to see if you really mean it. Coupled with the conversation, he will know you do.

I love that you asked him why he doesn't just come home, and his response, "I don't know."

This response is important - because he did not respond with "I am in love with two women" or "I love her" or "I just can't be with you" or "We've grown apart".

I don't know - that's what he said, and it is probably true - because his state of mind is such that now he is driving HOME in the middle of the night and wanting to return. He can't do it because he didn't know for sure that you would accept him. Now he knows you are waiting, but his window of opportunity will ultimately run out. You told him to CHOOSE, and do it fast.

I can't say for certain what he will choose, but the final offer letter certainly places him in the position of having to make his move. He knows now that he cannot be a cake-eater the rest of his life. He has three choices: you, her, or neither.

And chances are, the trouble in affairland is directly related to the fact that he hasn't chosen HER yet, and she is pushing and griping.

You aren't - you just wrote a LOVE LETTER.

Remember that. And stick to your plan B as much as humanly possible. He is at a breaking point, and you saw your H peek out. He's still in there.

SB

T2L, I hope you are shrouded in black crawling on the floor and totally dark!

When you gave him the Plan B letter you should have handed him a pair of ruby slippers he could put on when he was with the sea hag and tell them to click his heels and say "I WANT TO COME HOME".

Never mind giving him that big hug and hoping you scent his body with your perfume to send him home with your special fragrance; you should have told him something was wrong with the vacuum; brought it out and point the hose in his direction, turn it on and mistakenly add about 8 vacuum suck marks over various parts of his body and let the sea hag wonder about that!!!

Does anyone else see the swirling, sucking black hole on the Left Coast? Well, that's Ms T!

Ello!

Nuttin new. Dark PB. Eating a large bowl of Chocolate brownie ice cream LOL. My reward for day 2 at the gym! Yipee.

Hugs to all...

Only on MB would that be a huge compliment.

LOL Turtle...

And anywhere else, Empress of the Darkness would be sinister.

Well on the bright side I'm sure Thru this H probably called me a swirling sucking black whole...so now I actually get to be one LOL!

And....the Sea Hag is the swirling sucking black HOE! LOLOL

Sorry couldn't resist LOLOLOLOLOLOL Gosh I crack myself up!

Just poppin on real quick. Wanted to show y'all my friends web. Its really cool. I told em I would share.

Pacific Oracle

Hope you're doing OK today. I feel badly that your WH reacted the way he did to the letter. I know -- no expectations. Maybe it will just take time for your message to sink in. Stubborness, pride, entitlement, stupidity combined in a WH must be a hard nut to crack.

As for me, I'm having 2nd PBL remorse. I should have never sent that email. WAY out of line for me in my sitch. That Valentine's Day crap just got to me, I guess. Shoulda known better....

You were smart, T2L. You sought and got the advice from the best. I'm impulsive and obsessive and pretty messed up with my thinking these days. The stress of the D starting combined with discovering all the debt has got me in panic mode.

Calm down, HH. Turn it over to God. I know, I know.

Keep the faith, T2L. I think you still have a good shot at recovery!!!

Whew...extended school stuff with DS10, he got a little behind so we have tests and things to make up. He had Swim class yesterday which he loved because it was in the rain(no worries its heated). He thought that was particularly cool. And then we were off in the evening for Jui Jitsu class.

I am probably going to update maybe a few times a week as opposed to daily. Back to the grind. Have gone to the gym several times now and its helping as far as keeping my head clear and I just feel better overall.

Gotta go fix that darn fafsa application for daughter that I guess I messed up on.

C'ya.......

T2L....when did you start DS10 in martial arts....we were considering it for my DS but backed off it when he got into some scuffles over the summer (even though he held his own pretty good) .

He is now starting baseball and shows promise. But I would like him to take some martial arts to learn the great lessons it teaches.what's your advice as a martial arts mom.

Hey there!

I love Jui Jitsu. It is in my opinion of course, one of the best martial arts as its mostly about submission. You can avoid many fights just using submission. Some of the other martial arts are more for show, IMO, and cannot be practically used if your child would need to defend themselves. There are children in his class that are about 5 or 6 as well. They do so good at it too. I highly recommend it!

Hey did you say you are in Cali?

Yuppers we are up in the wet soggy monterey area ;D.

Well guys, kinda bummed. Got news back that I won't be able to do the Santa Barbara trip... Didn't work out schedule wise. I was kinda looking forward to it but she did say however that we could plan it in the next month or so.

So I guess I'll be hanging at home while DS10 is gone. I would have loved to be able to have notified H that I would be outta town, but maybe next time.

Off to make dinner....

No reason you can't be out of town - how about a day trip?

You can always hop in your car and go to Vegas for a long day! Try your luck!

As for me...I am California Dreaming!!

16 days to go...................