Really Mike? So nothing that Chewie posts will help? We should just put him on ignore?

His reluctance to admit he had a PA has EVERYTHING to do w/ protecting OW...and very little to do w/ Chrys's response.

Has OWH been told about their A YET???????

No, but telling him how to write an NC letter and Plan A is just putting lipstick on a pig, and stalling real recovery with false progress.

Chewie,

I believe that every wayward here should have the opportunity to earn their "F". I know you've taken some pretty harsh criticism here about the results of the polygraph and that's fine. What's ultimately true is that you don't have to answer to any of us for you actions. But God knows all that you've already done in your life and all that you're going to do. We are not the judges that truly matter.

Keep you head above water and know that you CAN do this with the right tools.

Well, then he should go to church rather than post here about "recovering".

C'mon, you aren't being helpful. Poor Chrys brought him here, now he is gaming her. We all know the truth, come clean if you want people here to lead you through recovery, which there are many excellent minds to help.

Chewie,

Although it may not sound like it from my words, I am not coming at you in an angry way. I am just dumbfounded by your posts that's all.

Do you know WHY none of us believe that your affair was NOT a PA?
It is not ACTUALLY because of the polygraph. BUT, the polygraph DID confirm it.

You have done several things since then that continue to make you look guilty. The first is that AFTER the incriminating polygraph, YOU went home and once again, recited to Chrys a list of all the things she has done wrong. In essence, once again, YOU blamed HER for YOUR wrongdoing. VERY typical of a wayward still covering up his lies.

WHEN the polygraph implicated that you did indeed have sex with the OW, instead of being HORRIFIED that you were telling the truth and it APPEARED that you were lying, you were just MAD. Chewie, that is just NOT how a person who is telling the truth behaves. MY H denied a PA for about 36 hours. Then he admitted to a LITTLE, but immediately got visciously angry with me and would not speak to me. Then he gave me itsy, bitsy things to try and make me think that NOW I knew it all(Sort of like you admitting that you have sweaters from the the OW.) But I KNEW that I did not have the full truth yet.

It was another 48 hours before he actually came clean with the extent of the PA. He was different after that and I finally saw serious remorse. I know that at THAT moment, he would have told the truth to ANYBODY who asked, to ANYBODY I wanted him to.

I could go on and on but I won't. Please realize, that for all your care in choosing your words, they ring hollow. You continue to minimize the effect of what you have done.

Chewie, you need to come clean. Not for your sake, for Chrys's sake. You will NEVER recover your marriage otherwise, because she KNOWS the truth already. Even if she chooses to walk away from you, telling the truth is the ONLY honorable thing to do, the ONLY honorable gift you can give to the woman to whom you PROMISED fidelity.

She may choose to walk. Be a man and accept that. Give her the gift she NEEDS.

Everyone here will be waiting to help you if you do it.

Live a lie long enough and it becomes reality

Yep. Just like Carrot Top....

Chewie,

I also wanted to add that when my H was still lying to me about the "big things"(actual sex with the OW), he was being "sweet" to me too.

He would admit some little detail that he thought was not TOO incriminating and preface it by saying, "I don't want to lie anymore so.....blah, blah, blah." but of course, he DID want to lie. He just wanted to gaslight me into BELIEVING that he didn't want to lie anymore.

But I KNEW he was lying. How? I just did. I'm his wife.

Since then, his story has proven true, with only minor details coming out now. Unfortunately, he HAS lied about other things. Habit.
Bad habit.

I think you have developed the same habit.

Stop killing Chrys with your refusal to be an honest man.

SHE can handle the truth. YOU can handle the truth.

If you do not tell the truth, you will be FOREVER defined by the lie.

Hi Chewie

It is been a while.

How is everything going?

You've been getting a bit of a hard time on here lately, don't let it put you off doing the right thing for you wife and family.

Kia Maia
Ka kite ano

[tj]

Flick,

Just a quick question...

Maori?

Mark

[/tj]

Ae. Te reo Maori.

Translation: Yes. It is Maori.

Ko Taranaki taku maunga, ko Waingongoro taku awa, ko Flick taku ingoa a, no Okaiawa au. No reira tena koutou, tena koutou, tena tatou katoa.

Translation: Hello I'm Flick.

I'm not very good with Maori, kaore taku reo Maori i te tino pai

Sorry for the thread jack Chewie. Anyone want to comment on this maybe it should go to my thread