WOW, how cool is that. Thanks TST....

How interesting, I have been working extra hard on this step and studying it more and more in the past week fews....

Is it ODD or is it G-D?

Queenie~ As I posted on hopenpray's thread....I have been a lurker for quite some time. Your story is another that I have been following....although I didn't go back & read all 500+ pages....I got the gist of it.

You are such an example of "Let go and let God!" Sometimes I have a little trouble with that....lol! You are filled with such trust and faith in the Lord and I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much Faith. I love it when people stop by because I love to meet new people.

Mimi, did you read this? Faith, this walk was ALWAYS about my walk, faith and TRUST in G-d. He KNEW I would seek him and surrender to him, though it was a BATTLE... The desire was there, the words were there, but the action was to keep on controlling. I'm going to have to pop onto your thread and read up on your sitch.

It's nice to meet you, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but what a wonderful place it can be.

This was my inspiration on the porcelain G-d today. The light wasn't the end of the tunnel. The light was my relationship with G-d and I live in the light now. And it is that light of G-d that I rely on to get me through the tunnel, no matter how long and how far it is.

Faith, be kind to yourself, this walk takes time, comittment and strength to keep on truckin on.

G-d doesn't expect us to not make mistakes, he just wants to help us get up when we falter.

I too wish you all the best and want you to know I am here if you ever need anything or just need someone to shoot the breez.

Well I'll be glad to get back to work next week. Way too much time on my hands, though I have been very purposeful in staying close to people and talking to G-d alot.

I'm down to 10 days when I can report WH's work not paying me my child/spousal support. I can't imagine that will look good. I'm going to talk to the rental people and see if I can get a break this month so that I can reserve my money and still make some of my other bills.

The weather has been nothing short of amazing the last three days. I made it a point to hang around my girlfriend, get out, have fun and take a walk in the sun. That was a nice thing to do for myself.

My YS spent a good portion of the week with his sister and that was nice for all of us. Me a slight break, him because he got away and his sister because she knows how helpful that is for me. It seems that OS is going back to work at his older place of employment and could get as much as 35 hours a week. I have asked him to give me 300.00 a month for everything. It teaches him responsibility and it will help me out.

I have been to two AA meetings, and a food addicts meeting this week. Tonight is services and I am going to an AM meeting tomorrow, so I'm keeping myself clean on that. I haven't contacted my sponsor and not quite sure if I can, so i am praying about it.

Its taken EFFORT to not go to the WH BUSINESS, and I have had some HORRIBLE moments, but I'm doing better and think of it less and less.

Queenie!!

Sweetie!!!

Honey!!!

You made me cry!!!


Girl, if you need to be reading ANYONE'S thread for inspiration, you gotta try reading YOURS!! Sweetheart, you have come such a long way.

I totally love reading your loving advice to others and even more love reading your own acceptance of your self. You are so much stronger than you believe not so long ago.

You do realize that don't you?

You do give yourself credit don't you?

Don't overstress about the upcoming court date. You are now a woman who is much more comfortable in her own skin than ever before. THAT is what the WH will see no matter what clothing you have on! The self assurance & confidence you have gained will shine through if you only give yourself the chance to let it!!

I know I haven't been around much lately,,,,,I do try to read a bit when I can, even if I am not posting. I love ya'll around here but it doesn't always feel like I have much to contribute. I stick pretty much to the Amigo threads,,,,as I don't have the strength or ability right now to help out any of the new folks. Maybe someday.

Take care my friend!!

Shabbat Shalom, Miss Queenie!

Mark

Shabbat Shalom Mark, Miriam and Bellevue

Happy Weekend to everyone.

Mark, I just got home from services and it was the best sermon. I don't know if I could repeat it like the rabbi, but this is the shabbat where G-d instructed the rich to give no more and the poor to give no less than a half shekel.

It was for the census. I am going to try and get ahold of the story that the rabbi told and post it. One of my absolute favorites about community and G-d. Very moving.

How are you?

Queenie, I stop on your thread and I know you visited mine.
I too admire your faith. I would love to hear God speaking to me but I guess maybe I have trouble listening. I know I need to totally let go and argue with myself all the time.

You have come such a long way. Glad you are keeping up with your meetings. I go to Alnon again and it is very supportive I am trying to work my 12 step program for myself

Hey, Queenie:

Thanks for stopping by and helping out. Glad the weather is good where you are.

Noticed you mentioned you tanned. I just started that around Christmas. Feels pretty good lying under those bulbs for 20 minutes just relaxing and putting everything out of my mind. Plus I look pretty tanned right now -- and tanned ALL OVER. (Too bad I have no one to show it off to. His loss!)

I'm a beach gal and a sun worshipper in the summer. So being tanned right now makes me happy! Plan B -- doing something that makes me happy for me!!!!

Yep...I'll be going first thing tomorrow morning.

Queenie,

You and I have never really "talked" on here. BUT, I have read your thread and I do read a lot of what you write and I have to say....you are such a strong, wonderful, god-loving woman. I really admire you for that. The things that you write to people are amazing because you get your point across in such a kind way, while leaving no doubt as to what you mean. That is very admirable. You give hope and love to all. Thank you for writing what you do, because it really does make a difference to us.

My AA sponsor taught me to breath in G-d, breathe out Queenie. I say that to myself all the time.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, Hope. I didn't get to this place in one day, it took me almost two years, two very long years. 21 months of absolute pain and growth because when everything was said and done, all I have is my relationship with G-d. I can't ever have it taken away, I can certainly lose it by giving it away, but it can't be taken away.

Try laying down as you go to sleep and give yourself 5 minutes to talk to G-d and a few minutes to just breathe. Or first thing in the morning when I wake up, I wish G-d a good morning, tell him how much I love him and ask him what he needs me to do today for him. Then I just TRY and sit there quiet. It will come.

Maybe pray for the willingness to hear him, or pray for the clarity of his vision, or ask him for help in hearing him. I talk to my G-d all the time, whenever it stirs my heart to talk to him. I treat him like my husband today. I ask for his guidance, his opinion, his choices, etc.

Holy, we can be sun GODDESSES together. I love the sun. In fact WH bought me a year's membership after he left. He just didn't know it.

Ah Plan B.... It has to be in your and Hope's heart to find a way, somehow to stop thinking about WH. That's one of the most hardest, most important things I grappled with and got better with over time. It's essential. I can't explain why, but somehow when we think of them we still give them the power of us.

We are learning to live a new way, we are trusting G-d, those people on us who have walked before to be dark and stay dark. Plan B doesn't bring the WH in all cases. But what it brought ME... Sanity, a life to live that I didn't want and couldn't imagine and a relationship with G-d that is my priceless joy and greatest gift.

You two are doing amazing. Take the kudos and keep asking G-d for strength to work this Plan. It's a hard one for sure.

Hi Verve,

What a very kind and thoughtful thing to say. My walk has always been about growing my non existent relationship with G-d and trusting him and learning to rely on him. From the beginning you can imagine I was a total control freak. I still have my moments, but Mimi, Mark, TMTS, JT, Smartiepants, Bugs, Strivin, Believer, Cinderella and so many others gave me encouragement, the push and held the belief that whatever they asked me to do I was willing to do.

I think I was so broken as a human being by what had happened, was beyond the ability to believe that a human being could hurt so deeply by one single event, that G-d absolutely TRUSTED ME that I would seek him out. It was all I had, and over and over again on here, people gave me scripture to read, and hugs to hold onto. There were so many nights that I fell asleep with the AA big book and Torah in my arms because I just had nothing else.

If my pain, and my experience, strength and hope can help someone else. Then I am more than grateful to those who helped me enough until I could be of some encouragement to others.

I was so lost... I can't say I feel what people feel, that would be robbing them of their pain, but I can remember the pain and I can offer that it's real it hurts and it will subside and probably eventually one day go away. I'm still learning when that will be...

But G-d knows.... for that I am sure...

It's nice to meet you Verve, I hope to talk to you some more. Have a wonderful weekend.

Queenie, I sincerely hope that you don't take this the wrong way from someone who was raised with Christian beliefs AND Christian biases, but who does not believe now, but still abides by "rules" and morals. You make me WANT to believe. You are such a kind person and it's people like you, Lildoggie, and believer who make me reassess my belief in what "Christian"/people who believe in God are. I've not had good experiences, but it's people like you three who make me reassess what I think. And, I thank you for that so much. So many people think that they can get across to us non-believers by talking about God's word, etc, but I have read the bible cover to cover, and it's people who show kindness (Love your enemies, show kindness to those who hate you, bless those who curse you. Pray for those who insult you - Luke 6:27-28 and Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing - Luke 23:34) who get to me.

Honestly, I'm not usually so serious. I'm a big ole' ham most of the time.

Oh Verve, are you kidding me, what you just wrote touches my heart and reaffirms to me that we are all in this TOGETHER in spite of some of our religious differences.

Pain cuts through religious lines, ethnic lines and gender lines. Pain, heartache, trauma, affects human beings. And its the common belief that we are G-ds children that helps us grow together and heal together.

There was a time, many years ago, when I YEARNED for a spiritual walk with G-d, and then I got sober, and years after that, my H and I lied to ourselves that we didn't need AA anymore and they weren't about the solution but the problem. OY VEY

So we chose to become involved in our temple and I dug into learning how to be a Jew because that was my NEED in life. I did the Jewish things, learned the traditions, the holidays, I learned about the Jewish way of life etc. But there was this HOLE that burned inside of me.

Along the years I would meet people who had a spirituality that I wanted. But I was NEVER broken enough to TRULY understand that it wasn't G-d holding back, but ME. I was the one in rebellion, living a life that was destructive, cheap, hurtful and downright dangerous.

You know Psalm 23, where is says the Lord is my Shepherd, he makes me lie down. G-d had seen enough hurt and damage going on in my life so he hit me with the infamous brick that I call it.

If you get nothing else, know this. I was exposed to AA and taught that I could create what my higher power looked like or was, I just had to find one. Instinctively I sought G-d and the night WH told me he wasn't coming home I got in my car and asked G-d if he was there and you know what? He said, I'm right here Queenie and will be ok. It was all I had left.

Your relationship with G-d is your very own personal relationship, for me, it's not about getting into heaven, but learning how to live life on life's terms so that when we do get to heaven, G-d can hug us and tell us how proud he was for the glory that we brought to him down on earth because we shouted to the world... That G-d works miracles and lives in my life daily.

I love MY G-d and you can LOVE yours TOO. He can be whatever you need him to be and he is RIGHT there wanting to be. Have fun on the journey of finding him for youself. It's the highest HIGH you will ever experience when you get to KNOW HIM...

Oh and be anyway you like with me. I'm a GODDESS.... in FACT, so are YOU....

Ahh, Queenie, you are a wonderful woman, as I stated before. It amazes me that women such as you and Lil want to speak with me, as you are such godly believers. My relationship with God is different. I am not a NON believer. I just don't believe in the bible or any organized religion. I have no doubt that there is a God, he has shown me too much. There is no DOUBT in my mind that God exists, it's just that I wouldn't name him Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Buddah, or Mohammad. I believe that all God's are one God called by different names and we have something to learn from all religions.

I learn something from people like you. So often in my life people have portrayed themselves as Christian in church, then were totally different outside of it. My mother is an example of greatness. She was of the world (as she calls it) but now she isn't. She was a completely different person before she was saved and I bless her for changing who she was. She was always a wonderful mother, but she didn't set a great example. However, for the most part, most "Christians" that I have known have wanted nothing more than to tell me how bad I am, even when I believed that I was one of them (this probably helped to change my mind). They talk crap about everyone they know, yet tell me that I am bad. I seek to be good to all people, yet, there are some who want nothing to do with me because I don't believe as they do. I thank you for not being that way. YOU are a woman to reckoned with and your WH has a lot to learn. You have realized your faults and you have striven to change them. I really do admire you, Queenie. Seriously, THANK YOU.

Queenie, thanks for sharing your pain, your sorrow, your growth, you believes and your trust in God. I agree with Vervve it is an inspiration. I am working every day on my faith and some of it is because of your faith.

Bugs, I am not so arrogant that I can't take credit anymore. If that makes any sense. You are right, I have worked so hard to come to this place, but it's because it took a village to raise me. LOL

I am accepting myself more and more because I'm just where I am supposed to be at today. That doesn't mean I don't want my physical improvements but it means that I am no longer throwing disrespect to G-d for his child. This GODDESS went on a two mile walk today at the lake. I just sat at the lake for almost an hour and grieved some more. But it's all good.

Then I got a call from my friend and we went to a Jewish Rock Concert. It was awesome. I've done a GODDESS job of keeping busy and not allowing the dark doors inside today.

You are so right, I am way more comfortable in my skin. I am not stressing over the court date, I am probably looking at wanting to delay it only because of allowing WH's company time to get out of compliance and maybe get them in trouble or seeing if the fog lifts just a tad to have an easier time as I move through the D. My life is in G-ds hands and I keep close and open to hear his instructions to me.

The AA meeting this morning was on change. I certainly have changed.

I see you were on today I think. I'm going to hop on over and see what's happening in your world.

We are healing and moving forward. And it feels blessed and nice.

Verve, thank you for your kind words. At one of the meeting this week someone mentioned that if you say you are humble then you haven't been humbled enough. Your words are so generous and I really appreciate you talking to me.

I love meeting people and learning about them.

Verve, you know I understand what you are saying about how people might not talk to you for what you believe or don't believe or how you do or don't live your life. I am fortunate enough to remember what a screw up mess I was and to judge or criticize someone else would be nothing short of disgusting and absolutely not a servant of G-d.

I am so proud to be a Jew. I am more proud to be a child of G-d. And you my new friend are a child of G-d so we are sisters. Plain and simple. And we get to fight, but we stand together in times of trouble and love on each other until we have the strength to venture out and then we love on each other even more because it's our love and protection from G-d that helps us move forward in life on life's terms.

Please know that doesn't mean in MRL I don't slam or talk about people behind their back because I am just as good as the next to gossip. However, even on those people I would be there a fast as a snap of the finger to help them if G-d needed me to.

My former rabbi wanted me to say a prayer every morning about the soul you have given me is a pure one. For so long my soul cried out in pain for the sins and destruction I wreaked on people. I pray every day that I don't revert back to that person and the only way I can do it is to fill my life of love and mitzvahs so that when the day comes and we all truly learn the truth. My soul will be pure. Verve, be gentle and kind to yourself, G-d loves you. You are his most precious gift.

Hope, Thank you so much for those words. You know, on the way home from the rock concert tonight I was talking about how I used to envy someone because of the spirit she walked in and her spirituality. This woman went away to rabbinic school and came back a different person. I noticed that her warmth, compassion, and spirit of G-d was closed, tight. She was concerned more about the works of a service than carrying the message of the spirit of G-d.

You have the faith, because you are nurturing it, desiring it, wanting it. G-d is truly right there for you. My G-d loves me as much as your G-d loves you and is there to walk with. Be kind to yourself and truly begin to see how far you have come. Because you are doing absolutely awesome.

Did you ever see the movies the Karate Kids. Remember how the mentor would have the student do things that seemed so ridiculous, etc. This journey for us and so many others is about G-d teaching us lessons that we might not have been open to before. And being the loving parent that he is he kept on going until we heard him.

Now our WH's.... OH BOY...... :crosseyedcrazy: Their lessons will come in G-d's time. Not OURS.... :RollieEyes:

Queenie I am so glad that your WH broke up with OW...God does answer our prayers...

You have been so STRONG in your plan B...you are my hero...

I know I don't post much to you as you have so many wonderful vets helping you.You have been an inspiration to me from the word go....THANK YOU...