Why are you asking her about her affair? In Plan A, you shouldn't be bringing up any relationship talk. HOWEVER, (notice the upper case emphasis) this does not mean that you become a doormat. While you're Plan A'ing her, you should continue to do whatever you can to break up this affair, but DON'T TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

Forget what she "says", watch what she "does".

If I were you, I would do everything in my power (behind the scenes) to prevent this weekend from happening.

Did OM respond to you?

I agree with Krazy here. I could stomach Plan A while she chatted with OM up until the point that she went to meet him. If that happens, they WILL have sex, and at that point I would cut her off swiftly and mercilessly. A temporary EA can be forgiven. Going to sleep with him after you know about the affair is unforgivable to me.

In the meantime, look up your state laws and OM's state laws on Alienation of Affection. Nothing to crush the fantasy faster than a lawsuit. From a legal standpoint though, you probably need the keylogger logs rather than just email printouts to prove the EA. Consult with a lawyer, but I think you are allowed to safeguard your home network via keylogger, whereas if you hack into her email, that data may not be admissable.

Travishurt

(I am hesitant about isolating the money.) WAKEUP she is the one who cannot be trusted.

How is she communicating w/ the OM? Cut off all access. Get software to block websites, block email address, block phone numbers and delete contact info.

Also start going after OM. Start contacting his parents

Until WW and OM meet up, he should still plan A if he can manage. Plus expose and make OM life as miserable as possible.

Travis: Just got up to speed on your thread. Sorry you are here, but be happy in that your WW hasn't turned this EA to a PA (as far as you know now...)

That said, install a keylogger on her work computer if you can. They have versions that will e-mail you all the information remotely. If she's got a blackberry look in to flexispy.com. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

GPS her car.

Voice record her car.

Snoop your tail off to find out when, not if, she's going to hook up with him. Because from what she's typed in her e-mail, she WILL try to hook up with him.

Be strong brother!

If I had known about OM prior to the first time they had sex, I'd have done almost anything to stop them.

I'd make the price of the sex so high that OM wouldn't want it.

Your hesitancy about the money is exactly the same mistake I made about my WW. I assumed she would not do what she did. The next thing I know, most of our bank account had been cleaned out and put into another account I knew nothing about.

You have to understand that you can't treat her like your wife until she starts acting like your wife. You can't trust HER, not the other way around. You haven't violated her trust. She's violated yours.

So if she throws a fit, you simply say, "I don't trust you one bit right now. You're having an affair and I'm protecting our finances from you. If you want me to regain your trust, then you have to earn it and end all contact with OM for life. If that's not possible, then we can't be married anymore and I won't treat you like my wife. I don't have joint accounts with people who betray me."

I don't think that's an LB, but others may differ. That's simple reality.

WWes respond to strong decisive men, not wimps afraid to act.

That's not an attack on you. I was such a man who was more afraid of upsetting the WW than I was about doing what neededt to be done. I was burned as a result.

Several people have now told you to act decisively BECAUSE WE KNOW IT WORKS.

Ignore the advice at your own peril.

I agree completely.

Plan A's fine IF she has established NC.

If she's banging some guy (or planning it) while shoving your nose in it then toss her to the curb. She's not worth it.

I hear ya. Years ago I could have been home watching the evening news and seen a story about a Krazy man that ran a bus of school children off the road, ran over an old lady and her dog, and then pinned some loser under his car.

Travis

Unbelieveable your WW is banging the OM, won't stop contact, and you won't cut off the money. A BH should never finance an affair.
What's wrong with you?

So you cut off the money. What's WW going to do for revenge? BAng the OM. No of course not. She will have to think of something new for she is already doing that.

Protect yourself financially Travis. WW has no car now. Nothing is stopping her from going out and buying another car with cash. She can keep putting her paycheck in the existing account and you set up a new one for your paycheck and to transfer th bulk of your existing balance. Have her pay her own cell phone bill and whatever other bills she incurs that contribute to her carrying on her A.

Agreed! Looking back I was so nieve and trusting. And looking back I would have given my left nut to stop their hookup. I would have WALKED to Vegas to prevent it. I'd have chained myself to the plane.

Alas I could not see it coming and did not stop it. Now I'm left with dealing with my remorseful WW and the pain this has caused both of us. Grateful the OM is out of the picture, but it's going to be a long, hard road to recovery.

You forgot about the part where I set nuns ablaze.

Travis,

Now that WW has lost her car make sure you guard your own car keys with your life!! Sleep with them under the pillow!! I'd hate to see a post on here on Saturday from you in which you tell us how she stole your keys and took your car to get to her weekend rendezvous with OM.

Bottom line is you cannot trust a wayward. Everyone here is telling you the same thing. Protect your finances and car keys!!

Mindshare

She'll either take their money and buy a plane ticket, or.....

OM will buy the ticket for her.

I wouldn't let her out of my friggin sight. I'd behave, more or less, like a Secret Service agent this weekend.

LOL I forgot that one.

I don't think we're yet at the Plan A stage, maybe I don't yet understand. Right now I'm just trying to stop the A. I am sure that they have not been physically together in the course of the EA. They were once bf/gf and I'm sure they were together then, but not now. They have not been physically in the same location since the EA started 6-8 weeks ago. I am sure. I don't know why, for someone who is so emotional, I am so much more concerned with them sharing a physical attachment, but it seems more important. I don't know.

I will protect the finances. It is probably not unreasonable. I expected at least some different response but it is so universal the other way... I understand.

Friends of friends have filtered to me the info on the OM XW. Family and friends are definitely enabling and don't know me, don't care what happens to me. Somebody is on my side, but I don't know who and I don't know how much difference they're making. None of this info came from WW.

Regarding kids, I have always strongly wanted them. Might as well be honest; the odds of my WW bringing a baby to term are infinitesimally small. One of her claims about me being better off is that I can be a father if I'm with someone else. She has voiced this as a fear before, when our relationship was in a better place. She may truly believe she is doing me a favor, but I don't figure it factors in any other respect. As with everything now, however, grain of salt.

When is the time to discuss the A? Am I confusing plans? I do want to understand the puzzle, as someone else put it. Is that after the break in contact? Sorry if I'm not getting it too quickly.

This weekend is for sure off. I have thus far kept them from hooking up. A battle won, the war not over.

The OM responded... he does not care. Thinks I'm a loser who has mishandled my relationship... didn't pay my W enough attention... etc. I don't care what he thinks, either. I'm not sure if I should keep having this argument with him or not. It seems largely pointless.

They communicate via cell phone. We have a joint phone account so my access is unlimited. I could stop paying, but that won't keep her from opening her own account. I think I prefer having access to the records. Am I off base?

Apart from the bank account - which I will shortly address - everything else is protected. She will have to hail a cab and knock me down to get away.

Thanks for keeping me on track. Looking forward to everyone's thoughts.

Travis,
After that response from OM, you need to save that email and look into alienation of affection laws. Filing a lawsuit against him will be like hitting him with a sledgehammer.

Don't bother "arguing" with OM.

You've got to choose your words carefully for legal reasons, but just let him know that messing with your wife will not come without personal consequences for him.

Leave it at that. Don't be any more specific.

Hire that P.I. if you can. Your wife will be quite surprised when you rattle off his address, place of employment, etc.

It will also let her know that you are, in fact, in a position to "cause him distress" should you choose to.