sampleman,

Your posts would be amusing if they were not so sad (for your wife, not you). How can you be straight with her when you can't even be straight with anonymous people on a message board? You were having affairs with these women, no? At least emotional ones, I'm sure. That's why she got so upset. Then you upset her more by downplaying it and trying to convince her it was no big deal, right? So then she'd bring it up again every once in a while *because it was never resolved to her satisfaction* and you acted like it was in the past, she should just get over it, right?

If you care about her, you need to be open and honest with her even if she still decides to move on. You could try practicing that here with us.

i am trying to be as honest as I can, i have nothing to lose at this point. maybe direct questions would help?

but still, no FACTS. And no truthful explanation about what you were doing with these women and how you ended up putting their #s in your phone.

Can we get a little HONESTY here?

I am about worn out with ya after knowing you for 15 minutes. If you are this cagey with me, I shudder to think how you are with her. And if you are this cagey with her, I would tell her to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Why can't you just be straight?

Who was the female who called you are 4am?

Was it an old girlfriend of yours?

Was it someone you have cheated with before?

i never had any affiars or interactions with any of the people outside of having the numbers in my phone. i deaded everything right when we started fighting. i saw her pain, and did feel bad. i acted selfish, and was thinking of myself. everyone knows my status (married, father) so that wasnt hidden. I always wear my ring.

more bullcrap, but still NO FACTS.

i wasnt with any of the women. it was all inside of a bar, more of a high school reunion type of atmosphere. and i found myself caught up in the *hey mike, havent seen u in forever* *hit me up sometime* i dont know if it felt good to hear all that.

it was an old friend from high school, never had a relationship or anything with, but was calling from what I guess to be a drunk stupor. I havent talked to her since that night, so I never found out. My wife called her, and she told my wife she was calling just to meet up with some *of them* for breakfast. she didnt beleive that, and neither would i. i never asked or intended to have that phone call at that time, but it happened, and it has me here.

How is talking in circles working for you? you have lost your wife and you can see it is not working for you here.

I know 7 year olds who talk better bullcrap than this.

I know why your W gave up on you. And she should give on you until you learn to be honest.

we started using our time when we went out to stay at home and watch a movie, or do things around the house. i really killed all outside influence right away to avoid this happening.

There should be mandatory courses for those considering marriage.

In those courses, the first thing they should teach is:

If there has been any infidelity between you two already, pick up your things and leave. End the relationship now, and do not ever look back.

Wow,

That really was like pulling teeth.

See a real problem with honesty here.

All Blessings,
Jerry

SM, you probably won't get this, but I am going to tell you what the problem most likely is. She knows you are lying about the phone #s and senses she has never got the truth. She might be able to forgive a drunken dalliance, but most cannot live with lies and withholding of the truth. It is profoundly insulting to be lied to. She SENSES you are lying [I do too] and is like a BLOODHOUND trying to drag the truth out of you.

Since she couldn't get the truth out of you, she gave up.

She finally accepted that you are not honest enough to EVER GET HONEST and that you are DANGEROUS to her. And I would agree with that assessment. As long as you continue to lie about what you did, she is not safe with you, because if you felt any remorse, you would be TRUTHFUL. But you are not remorseful. You just want her to shut up and accept your stupid little story that fools no one. And as long as you have no remorse, she knows you will do it again.

She did the right thing in ending the marriage under these conditions. Lying about this is dangerous to her, becasue for all she knows, she has been exposed to STDs. This is information about her life to which she has a RIGHT TO KNOW. You don't have the right to privacy when you are married.

So, if you want to save your marriage, I would suggest starting with some simple honesty. As you can see, bullcrap has got you nothing.

I agree with you, but it is rather silly of her to expect honesty in the first place. Same with him.

They were both proven liars and cheaters while dating...a wedding ceremony is going to change that? A ridiculous notion, if you asked me.

ok. i figured i could get the numbers, and get away with it. i was being deceitful at the time. i was being dishonest, i thought i was ahead of the game. i wasnt considering her or my kids by taking the numbers. i figured i could get away with this, and it burned me

i thought this too.....she felt being married would turn a switch....we are both in our 20's, me late, her mid. we both have strayed in the past, but this was the only incident when we were married. she had moved out for a time a few years ago, and moved in with another guy to spite me, taking my daughter. we worked through that back then

yes i did think i could get away with taking the numbers, and going from there. God stopped that right in its tracks that night

You started the marriage on a very flimsy foundation.

Given the fact that you both were cheating on each other before the marriage, there is bound to be the question of whether either of you will do it again. Marriage is, in fact, merely a piece of paper if you don't have a genuine, sincere commitment when you being the union. She knows this...and I think you do too.

You both need MC to determine the root cause of the affairs you both had.

The fact that you took those phone numbers from women shows that there are either EN not being met, or that you acted selfishly and that there is a problem that you need to address in yourself. You needed some sort of "ego boost" and you got it from the women that gave you their phone numbers. Classy chicks :RollieEyes: , by the way-if they knew you were married...UGH.

If you didn't express to her that you are willing to do whatever is needed to make her feel secure in the marriage, then it's not going to get any better. And if you don't take an ACTIVE roll in doing so, it won't work. YOU call the MC..YOU make the appointment. Tell her that even if she doesn't want to go, you will because you want to fix this at all costs.

And stop being vague....when you aren't completely honest, she knows. Believe me, she knows.

By the way..... what does "and going on from there" mean? What do you think would have happened with these women had you not been caught that night? Had you not been busted that night, most likely one of the phone numbers you put in your phone would have turned into a full-blown affair.