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#2221688 02/27/09 03:46 PM
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Wife 45, hus 49 -- each with an ex. Married 1.5 years, together 4-5. her 3 kids 17,22,24 him 3 kids 7, 16, 19 together 1 son 18 months.

I have paid my child support since seperating from my ex 5 years ago.

My wife has choosen (out of guilt mostly and her ex has her convinced it is o.k. because he pays for a lot) not to receive child support. This has been an issue (not so much the money but the show of allegiance the money demonstrates to me) for 3 years.

3 years ago she promised to file for it. 2.5 she said she would after we moved to our more expensive home. 1 year ago in counseling she said she would do it. Finally, 1 month ago after much prodding by me she did. Then I find out she checks a box that allows him to pay less each month rather than more to catch up on the 17 thousand he owes. He makes close to 100K and she makes 35K.

Obviously kids cost a lot. I have been making my payment and he hasn't. She even has her kids convinced this is o.k. because their dad is such a great guy. Meanwhile, we are strapped financially and fight about money. I drive a 4k piece of crap car and he drives a 40K pick-up (doesn't even have a need for a pick-up, its just an image thing)

Am I wrong in expecting a man to pay his "full" state expected amount of child support?

How should I approach this to have an enthusiastic agreement?

To be honest this is a great betrayal to me. She is essentially writing her ex a check each month for $900 without consideration of myself or the rest of our 7 kids.

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Three kids are adults and support would not be ordered anyway. Her one child, support would be stopped on the child's next birthday anyway.

No, you are not wrong to expect a man to pay support for his children. Problem is, he wasn't your man.

Does she have an order that she is not receiving? Or did they have the courts declare no child support in lieu of other financial provisions?


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Does this guy have any contact with the kids? If so, she could be afraid that the kids will lose that attention if she puts too much financial pressure on him. If he has given her the impression that he might emotionally abandon the kids if they get too expensive, then she probably feels like she's really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Some men do play that card as a form of emotional blackmail. Talk to her and find out if that's what it is. If it is, you should show some sympathy for what she's going through but also suggest she see a lawyer or maybe both a lawyer and a counselor.

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Ahhh, the joy of blended families.

 Quote:
To be honest this is a great betrayal to me.

The betrayal is not to you but to her children. She has denied her children upwards of 17K of financial support that the state has awarded to her for their care.

You knew what you were getting into when you chose to marry her. A blended family often includes (in some way, shape or form) an ex-spouse. Your mistake was counting on his child support payments as supplemental income. If you choose to marry a woman with 3 kids, expect to support them.

Your wife's child support income is not something that you have any control over, even if she does receive it. She can use it, spend it, waste it, gamble it, invest it, give it away or burn it if wants to. The court does not dictate how she spends it, only that she receives it.

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Am I wrong in expecting a man to pay his "full" state expected amount of child support?

Yes. You are wrong to expect anything of your wife's XH. He doesn't owe you the time of day. You should however, expect your wife to financially support her children to the best of her means and ability. That includes not only accepting but demanding full child support payments from the kid's father as the court has awarded.

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She is essentially writing her ex a check each month for $900 without consideration of myself or the rest of our 7 kids.

I feel for ya. This is really stupid of her and she is cheating her children. It's not like it's money her XH doesn't have. It's just money that he would rather not spend on his children.


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What about asking him to send the money directly into 529 accounts for the kids' college funds? No one can use it for anything but college. How can he refuse that? (unless he's a POS)

In my state (Texas) they have a program that lets you put money into a kind of 529, but the money you put in lets the kid pay for school based on the year that the money was put in! So if the tuition increases, the kid will still be paying at 2009 rates.


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