Ah but Mark, doesn't the messenger have to be humble enough to get the message across understanding that it's NOT HIM who is delivering it but delivering the truth?

But the praise should be for the message and the One who sent it and not the messenger...

Mark

This thread has become my journey in life through this ordeal.

I need to put the email from WH to our DD on here along with schoolbus's interpretation as part of the journey. WHEREVER the story ends, I was given the most amazing blessing of healing on MY journey with what she said. Thank you so much SB.... I hope one day you feel the gratitude I have for what you gave me in this...

Thank you....

DD,
I know there is no way to ever make amends for what I have done. The trust I broke with you will never be restored. You will always be my little girl. I don't expect to ever hear from you again. I am Solly responsible for what happened. There is no excuse or reason that can explain what I did. Being alone I think over and over what I did. How after I left I was to ashamed to reach out to you. I cant even imagine the pain I have caused you.
Please live the life that you deserve to have. Stay close to your Mom and brothers. You have each other treasure that. I am glad that you are getting better. I know you are getting stronger.
I failed as a father, head of house hold, husband, and a human being. All of which are my own doing. The words are not coming to me to say what I want. There is nothing more I can say except I am sorry fo all I have done.

Love, Dad

Probably one of the more honest apology letters you could get. There is nothing there to point to that comes across as dishonest or blaming.

Here is the undercurrent: Please tell mom that I'm sorry. He says it as the third thing - that's where your name comes in. The opening concept focuses directly on the apology. Second comes a change to his talking about how he came to be thinking about this whole thing - being alone, thinking it over, and reflecting on what has happened and why. THIRD - is you and the family - and when we look at things it is often the third idea or third thing on a list that brings the heart of the matter. In this case it would be the mention of his wish that she stay close to you - a veiled message with undercurrents to let you know the content of his heart. Additional supporting evidence of this is that this comes in the "sandwich" paragraph - the middle section after he presents his opening and square in the body of the letter where it looks to the casual reader as an embedded thought and not the main idea. Most folks consider the opening as the main idea, but often this can be embedded when being presented psychologically as an undercurrent without the writer even knowing it.

If you don't believe me, note the four things he listed where he failed! Father, head of household, HUSBAND, human being. Interesting, isn't it?

He couldn't avoid it. Watch TV shows, and see if the third thing they mention is the solution to the crime, the third picture they pick the criminal, the third place they search where they rescue the victim.....just watch for that pattern. Interesting piece of human nature. Occurs more often than you might think. And hard to beat us when we're watching for it.

He is sincere. Also, he wrote this when he was VERY DOWN and feeling very alone. He needs her to respond, and is ready for her to offer some hope that he could see forgiveness in this life. I don't know what situation your daughter is in, but if she were in the mood to respond with at least, "Thank you for the apology, I know that was hard for you to do. I'm not ready to talk yet. If I get to that point in my life, I will let you know." It might at least put him on the path toward his own healing.SB

We dont know what G-d has planned, but I do know that he blessed me last night with this. I was somehow released from so much pain and guilt over my part in the M and felt like I am truly at piece with the outcome that G-d has planned. I love my H so very very much. May it be G-ds will that shines through our lives and we reach our potentials as the man and woman he designed for us both, together or apart. Y'l'heratzon - May it be so.....

Oh the praise is there. Something happened inside of me last night. I reached for G-d in a way that I have NEVER and I truly understand your point.

Praise be to G-d.....

Shabbat Shalom Mark, Pretty, Miriam, WhiteRussian, Bellevue.

and Happy Weekend to everyone....

I have always thought this was interesting about the number 3.


Way back when in a high school psychology class our teacher asked all the kids to silently pick a number between 1 and 4.

Then he asked, “Why did you all pick the number 3?”

And he was right. Virtually every kid in the class had picked the number 3.

Nice stuff as always SB.


Look at all the three’s:

We perceive our universe to have three spatial dimensions.
3 primary cellular energy molecules: AMP~ ADP~ ATP
DNA has a triplet codon system.
The primary colors: red, green and blue
Three basic Earth divisions: Core- Mantle- Crust.
The Holy Trinity
The Three Wise Men
The three Patriarchs
The three pilgrim festivals, Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot
The three martyrs, Faith, Hope, and Charity
Heaven, Hell and Purgatory
Three holy cities in Islam: Mecca, Medina, and Jerusalem
In Buddhism The Triple Gem
In Taoism, the Three Pure Ones
There are three types of galaxies: ellipticals, spirals and irregulars.
Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics
Hitting the trifecta at the track.
The Three Witches in Macbeth
Mark Twain's 3 lies: Lies~ Damned Lies~ Statistics


Bunches more.


And don't forget it was the number of the count for the Holy Hand Grenade.

Oh yeah, The Three Tenors, The Three Amigos and the Three Musketeers. Well there were really four Musketeers at the end so maybe they don’t count.

Queenie,

What happened last night to you is what I keep describing as complete surrender to God and His will. You have had an incredible journey and now is the TIME for you to expierence God's complete GLORY in your life.

You have a very powerful testimony....keep sharing what God is doing in your life.

Relax and let God take the reins.

"Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10

You are one wise man Kick....

One wise man, thank you...

Been to Antioch lately?

(end of t/j)

Chrisner,

How do you know ALL this stuff....

Ok, guess how many kids I have.... 3... a mirian, aaron and moses. And WH I learned a long time ago was pharoah...

G-d is so good when the eyes to the heart and soul are open and you just be still....

I was just reading my Plan B letter, he has met ONE of the CONDITIONS... Will see if he MEETS the OTHER.

My dearest H,

I want to be your wife, in every sense of the word. I want those intimacies that we always dreamed about, to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, as well as share the joy of raising a family with you. Each day that goes by it becomes excruciatingly painful to watch what is happening to our life and marriage, therefore, it is with the saddest of hearts that I must write you this letter. 24 years ago we made a vow to G-d and 10 years ago repeated our vows under the Chupah when we truly became as one. We were so much in love on those two days. The first time when we were young and full of hope and promise and the second time when we were full of making a complete lifetime commitment. We had been through so much and recommitted our love to each other, only it was stronger and deeper because we knew what we were capable of being together no matter what adversity we faced. You and I together faced whatever came our way together and succeeded because we are meant to be together as husband and wife.

I’ve worked particularly hard these past couple of months to humble myself before G-d and ask him to create me into the wife, mother, and woman he always envisioned for me. People can change if they are willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are and what they have done. I did that and I’m proud of the person I have become and continue to become because G-d is guiding me.

G-d has instilled in me that we can have a brand new, loving, and completely fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and commitment we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that became the foundation of our marriage and start to become a family again, for our sake and our children’s. To have a new incredible marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams is within our reach. The kind of marriage we both committed to when we said “I do” each time. I’m not naive; I know there’s been a lot of damage done. It won’t be easy but it can be done. I’ve had the good fortune in the last couple of months to meet many people who have been able to do it.

I’ve suffered tremendous pain from learning about your relationship with OW, dealing with our marriage falling apart and your decision to leave our home. I never once stopped loving you and I have not forgotten what a wonderful man you are. I know you better than anyone else, and I believe in you completely. It is my love and faith in G-d that has given me the strength and hope to go on. But the pain has become too much to bear.

In order to PRESERVE the LOVE that I have left for you, I've come to the decision to no longer have any contact with you at all UNTIL you end your relationship with OW and give us another chance. I will not talk to you or see you. Contact IM in order to reach me for EMERGENCIES ONLY. I believe that we can work out a plan to restore our marriage and make it what G-d envisioned for us all along. The depth of love and commitment to our marriage is something that I have come to appreciate as having always being there and is G-d given as your covenant wife. I am willing to do whatever is necessary, but until that time, please respect my wishes.

Remember the day that we were in class together and you worked with me to bring down all my walls and you realized how much I truly loved you and had for our whole life. Tap into that my darling, because not only did it always exist, but continues to grow even during this difficult time.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

הַֽאֲשִׁימֵ֨ם ׀ אֱ‍ֽלֹהִ֗ים יִפְּלוּ֮ מִֽמֹּעֲצֹ֪ותֵ֫יהֶ֥ם בְּרֹ֣ב פִּ֭שְׁעֵיהֶם הַדִּיחֵ֑מֹוכִּי־מָ֥רוּ בָֽךְ׃
וְיִשְׂמְח֨וּ כָל־חֹ֪וסֵי בָ֡ךְ לְעֹולָ֣ם יְ֭רַנֵּנוּ וְתָסֵ֣ךְ עָלֵ֑ימֹו וְֽיַעְלְצ֥וּ בְ֝ךָ֗ אֹהֲבֵ֥י שְׁמֶֽךָ׃

הַֽאֲשִׁימֵ֨ם ׀ אֱ‍ֽלֹהִ֗ים יִפְּלוּ֮ מִֽמֹּעֲצֹ֪ותֵ֫יהֶ֥ם בְּרֹ֣ב פִּ֭שְׁעֵיהֶם הַדִּיחֵ֑מֹוכִּי־מָ֥רוּ בָֽךְ׃
וְיִשְׂמְח֨וּ כָל־חֹ֪וסֵי בָ֡ךְ לְעֹולָ֣ם יְ֭רַנֵּנוּ וְתָסֵ֣ךְ עָלֵ֑ימֹו וְֽיַעְלְצ֥וּ בְ֝ךָ֗ אֹהֲבֵ֥י שְׁמֶֽךָ׃

I have to make it bigger to read. LOL

All in all I seem to be doing pretty good with the stuff that has transpired. I'm trying to keep my emotions in check and not get too hyped or too down, just trust G-d.

But I was on WH's facebook account tonight and having that number three notion in my mind, I was interested to see that the third favorite movie he listed as his favorite was the very movie that we went out on our first date to. :MrEEk: Yes, Alien...

I went to services tonight and made an appt to talk to our rabbi tomorrow morning before services and just see if there are other stuff I can do for my spiritual growth and awareness when looking for signs from G-d.

WHAT?

Queenie...

Try to let it be for a while and keep working on YOU. He might never be ready to come home and if he is, you might not be willing to accept what he has become, or even what he was. YOU have changed in all of this and what he once was is no longer what you will need. If you just settle for him being home nothing will be different than it was before and therefor nothing will prevent the same thing from happening again if the opportunity arises.

Mark

Queenie,

While I was very elated to read of WS's email to DD, I was even more glad to read Mark's post above.

I, too, was intending to extend those same words of CAUTION to you!

You have done a whole lot of heavy lifting and have become a new creature. WH has NOT,,,,atleast not yet. And there are no guarantees that he WILL. Yes, his email seems to be a fine start and indication of POTENTIAL for him to do so in the future.

Wait for the Actions.

Proceed with Caution.

Keep focused on Queenie!!

Hope you know that I say this out of the most respect, admiration and love!!

Listen to Bugs on this.

She's BTDT...

I actually understand what you mean. I really do. I KNOW I am no longer the person he walked out on. I couldn't be, not and live in my relationship with G-d.

How funny that you are using the word settle. When we were married and he was completely in love with me or whatever it was, I was so unhappy and for years thought that I just settled for him. And then it was gone and like the Jews, I just wanted to go back to the known, even though I was so unhappy and wanted out.

I know I have to fight the desire to go back. I'd obviously be lying if I said I wasn't. My actions speak for themselves, where WH's husband speak for himself. He has done NOTHING to come back. He lives in his world of reality and whatever. For me to try and figure it out isn't living in G-ds will for me.

I just wish G-d will give me the answer on how to not love him so much or help me put the love away for him somewhere where it isn't a constant reminder in my heart and soul. I meant what i said, I prepared to not have him in my life as my husband as much as that would STILL hurt after all this time. I just don't want him as my enemy. I pray for the opportunity to just have a relationship where the absolute genuine concern for each other is present and we somehow manage to work together to finish raising our last child.

Bugs, you have my complete appreciation and openness to have you keep me on the straight and narrow and talk openly about what your concerns are. We both have a kinship in that we both loved our husband in a very similar way and they are similar is that maybe they simply don't have what it takes to be recovered. I am working towards complete acceptance of this and just walking in FAITH and TRUST that I will be healed and it will just be an experiences of strength and hope for me as I move into my next journey in life.

I am still working on me. The OLD me would have moved heaven and earth to be near him or fix this. I'll admit it's a struggle, and I'm tempted, but I'm human. I'm also Queenie and have learned to live without WH and still be happy and content in life. I have much to learn about myself and the first thing I have recently discovered is that I like her and I like just spending time with her and G-d

So, off to morning services I go with a meeting before hand to speak with the rabbi on how to cultivate a deeper spiritual walk with G-d and to truly know when I am hearing his will for me.

Thanks Mark and Bugs, please keep me on the right side of healing. I don't want to EVER go back to the world of darkness.

Queenie,


Keep your thoughts focused on YOU, Queenie.... so as to leave little room for 'tempting thoughts'..... because the distance can be very short sometimes between thoughts and ACTION...

QUEENIE

Queenie:

I've been gone for a while but just wanted to drop in and tell you what a revelation it is to read your thread. I've only been on MB boards off and on since September and you have come SUCH a long way...I know that there was a lot of work on your part before then but it is clear to me, just reading, that you have crossed a bridge and are growing stronger weekly. Be proud of yourself, give yourself a hug. It is a privilege to follow your journey.

- M

Hi Miriam, I hope all is well with you. I have noticed you have been gone and have missed you. I'll have to check and see if you gave us an update.

Ah, MY journey continues... Yes, the possible hope of recovery DOES NOT. I should say I should be surprised, but I'm not.

schoolbus gave me an incredible email to send to WH, which I did. He responded within ten minutes or so, but right before I had read his response, I learned that crack ho was at the game with WH. I intuitively knew what that meant. I'm STILL dealing with the wayward. And true to form, was his selfish, self-centered, entitled crap that just makes me want to

Here's the email I sent that schoolbus suggested I sent him...

Dear WH,
DD shared your letter of apology with me. I hope you don't mind that I read it. That apology means a lot to me, and I hope she will be able to talk with you. I can see you have come a long way since you left here. I have made changes, too, and know that I have become a better person for making them.

The letter was beautifully written, and showed me that the man I loved, and still love, remains within you. Almost a year ago I wrote you a letter describing the pathway home. That letter was about believing in our love, that we can recover our marriage, and that I can forgive you.

I still believe.

Love,
Queenie

Here is his response.....

The letter was for DD. Right now I am very very angry. At the " team " that I used to play on. Now I understand why I dont play with them anymore. I hope OS enjoys himself. He looked good out there. As for the rest we would have to see. Yes alot has changed on both sides. Not enough but that is OK.

So, let's just put aside my sadness that WH is clearly a strong factor and that crack is still in the picture in some capacity. What has Queenie learned because it's about me.

WH has NO CLUE that he is rapidly losing the an amazing woman who would not only give him time to get his act together, but grew in love for him and instead of blaming him looked at her behavior and made changes in herself. His response absolutely disgusts me because it reinforces what monsters the WH is all about and quite frankly I really see where I deserve better than that. I got my answer about the D. Clearly it would be a mindfield to try and reason with this monster and so I am delaying the D for a little longer.

I'm not about to go into decifering what his response means because it's lased with absolute poison and I'm NEVER going back to HIS poison.

He could have said, thank you, I'm not ready anything that would have shown a modicum of respect for me. But NO... and I'm glad that I have healed enough to know that I don't want that in my life. Should my H find his way through the monster and want to come home, what I know is I extended the olive branch and he shot it down. I tried and he refused.

I got my release for a new life by this. I had to try, I had to. But like this new Queenie has learned. I have no control over people, places and things. Oh sure, I can go to the place that says, I should have waited until OS got home and then I would have known that crack ho was in the picture and wouldn't have sent the email, but I would have been left wondering what's going on and that isn't good for QUEENIE...

I'm sure I'll hit a bottom and cry over it, but I like myself enough these days to really understand, he is the LOSER, not me. I have the children, the respect of my friends, the support of so many people. He, why he has crack ho.....

Well darn Luna, I should have seen this earlier..

But then again, no.... I'm glad I did what I did. It didn't turn out how I hoped, and I didn't get what I wanted, but I got my self-respect because I have prayed for the chance... He has no doubt how I feel and that was so important to me. I took it and he threw it away. Now it's up to him... NOT ME....