What I am so pissed about is that he is too STUPID to see that instead of it being an EITHER OR.... if he had a relationship with HIS children, he could have been playing WITH his SON.... HIS ACTIONS created this... and all he SEES is HIM feeling sorry for himself....

Queenie
I appear to have deeply offended some people on this site. I have posted here on and off for a while, and, having been in a committed, albeit common-law, marriage for almost 12 years, I came here in a very distraught state. To you, I apologize if it appears I have misled you - as you're post was heartfelt, and was a much needed salve on my heart. Again - unlike what some seem to feel, I did not intentionally lie about my relationship - we referred to eachother as husband and wife as that is how we viewed our commitment. I hope YOUR heart heals in beautiful ways.
Chryss

"As for the rest we would have to see. Yes alot has changed on both sides. Not enough but that is OK."

Queenie - what do you think the above means?

Queenie:

I'm so sorry. I can relate because when my WH responded to my first letter about the business I had hope momentarily - and then crashed when it became clear he was all about using the financial distress of the business to leverage me into a quick divorce. Boy did that hurt.

But here's the thing. It helped me because I got it that things weren't changing. I understood that even the complete collapse of my livelihood - as a result of his affair - would not snap him out of it. He felt bad about the business, but it was still about him and his A.

So, I got it. And you've got it. You said it in your post - it helps because it opens up more distance - and you're also right, you don't need his poison. You've got a heck of a lot more going for you than that cr*p. I know the "opening more distance" part is also tough, because you're moving toward letting go and you didn't want to - but you're also right, you can't control him. He's still a wayward.

So, let yourself crash, then pick back up and remember there are folks here who will help.

Hugs.

- M

PS - I'll post an update in the next couple of days. Not much to tell, really. But I'm keepin' on, and that's important.

Chryss, I honestly have no idea what you are talking about, so I guess I need to go back and see what all the fuss is about. My journey has been about acceptance. I am a child of G-d, one who is learning to love herself and be accountable to who she is becoming. I have no right to judge or condemn anyone in life because I have made so many many mistakes. Whatever input you have given my I truly knows has been given to me in nothing but care, concern and warmth. Thank you. I welcome your input and wish you only the best. If what I said brought you some peace. Then I am truly grateful because we are hurt people on here only learning how to live again.

Believer, I have NO CLUE.... I think this is wayward crap that he is still cake walking. And it's evident because he was around crack ho today. I told him there was a path home and we says we would have to see.

I remember the last conversation that we had last year before he quit his job and he told me in almost a threatening manner, that he likes who he has become and that he won't EVER go back to that person who was so neglected, etc.

I have NO idea what the not enough but that is OK. And it's interesting how he capitalizes that.

So, if I were to guess. He's telling me basically that they aren't living together, but that she is still in the picture and he can't meet the conditions of Plan B which is no contact.

What do you think?

Hi Miriam,

Thanks for your words. I seem to really be doing better than I would have thought. I kept praying for a chance. I got that chance today and HE pushed it away. He is still completely wayward. I don't like this person AT ALL.

I reached out to him and he PUSHED it away. His loss. Of course it still makes me sad, but I saw that this man is someone I DON'T WANT. He's angry, he's selfish, and he's well not so intelligent. He gets to be a grandfather to a crack ho's grandkids.

Instead of realizing that he could come home, make amends with his kids and be on the SAME TEAM TOGETHER, he gets angry and feels sorry for himself. That gets old. I'm tiring of his stuff.

I think it finally hit me, that there is NO RUSH for the D. Because there is a GARNISHMENT in place and it's his job that's doing the delaying NOT HIM. I need the spousal support, so why in goodness gracious would I challenge that.

I honestly don't know what I am going to do. For all the big talk I gave, I was willing to reach out and take his crumbs. I'll admit it... I was, obviously by what I did. And you know what, I'm ok with what I did.

The NEXT move is HIS.... He knows there is a path home. Now the bar is raised.. by ME....

And the latest email from WH....

Queenie
I am sorry for the last email. I was very mad at xxx and xxx for the way it was handled. I am glad you and DD have gotten so close. Again I apologise for my tone in that message.

WH

Thoughts? I have my OWN thoughts, but I want to hear YOURS..... I do want to make note of ONE thing. In the first response, he just states whatever his crap is. In this one, he calls me by the spelled out version of my real name which I told him I preferred and give his name at the end. Silly wayward....

He really has NO IDEA who I have become.

QUEENIE - MB WARRIOR GODDESS. CHEST OUT, HEAD UP, SMILE ON, AND LOVE IN MY HEART FOR QUEENIE.....

LOL......

In there terms of my religion... OH VEY

fursure!


wow, so maybe your letter did do something?

Ok, one more interesting thing. He didn't write a NEW email, he replied from the original email where he responded to my email. So yes, chances are reasonable that he reread what I wrote him and in the great words of Amway, NOW HE KNOWS....

So, let's put into practice what we KNOW about waywards...

I met a need for him today. One that quite honestly ONLY I can meet. His FAMILY is a HUGE need. But he was hurt and angry and crack ho was around to meet the whatever need she meets.

I did NOT respond to his email what so ever, not was I going to, and low and behold a few hours later I hear from him again. probably he is alone and wanting something MORE from me. He HAS NOT had this NEED met for almost a year.

I have my integrity because I was clear about crack ho not being in the picture. I sent the email BEFORE I knew she had been sniffing around. And so now I am DARK again, and we KNOW how DARK Queenie can be. I think we would agree I don't answer him.

What I have LEARNED, he still somewhere deep wants that NEED met. But GUESS WHAT... I'm back in Plan B. I'm not MEETING his NEEDS because crack ho was around and he STINKS again.

I think this is very USEFUL.... Why, because I'm not in the A, and I KNOW what's happening. He DOESN'T.....

and what are we cheering over?

you silly

Silly and changed.....

Now it's almost comical because he is doing EXACTLY as a wayward does.

I'm in personal recovery, I don't need the fixes..... I have learned to get my OWN needs met so I don't need him for anything. I live a life WITHOUT him...

And one that's not perfect, but doable especially cause it SMELLS like flowers.

His first email, like you said, is all about his crap...

He's so glad he doesn't play with that team any more...WTF?

It's every body's fault but his. It's somebody's fault, but never his. He's the victim in all of this...Life is just so unfair...I think I'll go eat some worms...

His second email is about knowing what he should do but is not willing to do. He KNOWS he's an idiot but wants to remain one. He's not any where near ready to let go of his addiction to Crack Ho...

Waywards are so stoopid...

Mark

Hi Mark,

No argument there.

But what's awesome is look at me. I'm able to identify it as HIS problem. NOT ME.

I'm ABLE to look at it, feel a little angst, but NOTHING like before.

I think what he is saying that seeing OS on the team explains to WH why he isn't playing on the team this year, not that he is happy about it.

He's not anywhere near. BUT, the crack in the wall has shifted.

What are you doing up so late?

Queenie,



I just got home from the vacation cabin. I went out ice-fishing this morning and took a nap this afternoon and drank a 20 ounce cup of good coffee on the way home, so sat down to check in here before bed.

Imagine what this would have done to you a year ago, Queenie. Isn't God awesome in the way He tests us to build up our strength for when it really counts?

You know my story about the rock, don't you?

A man is walking along a path and comes to a giant rock in the way. Suddenly he hears God's voice, whispering to him as if he were Abraham...

"Push it," is all he hears. Convinced that God has spoken directly to him he begins to struggle with the rock in his way. He leans into it wit all his might...

And it doesn't move a bit.

So he turns his back to the rock, pushes hard with his legs and grunts with his efforts...

And the rock remains right where it was.

He finds a large tree branch and thinking that if he just had enough leverage he could move the massive boulder. He wedges the branch under the stone, uses a downed tree for a fulcrum and pits all his weight on the other end of the branch only to hear the resounding crack and then a thud as the branch snaps like a toothpick and he falls in a heap.

He rolls onto his back, looks toward heaven and cries out "Lord! I can't do it; help me..."

A whisper comes through the trees...
"Be gone!." and the rock vanishes from sight.

The man lays there panting from his exertion and says to God, "Why did you let me struggle like that when all you had to do was to speak to the rock and it would be gone?"

Again God speaks to him and says...

"The rock was not in MY way, but yours. It was something YOU had to work to overcome. I never told you to move the rock, only to push it and now that you have, you are stronger than when you began. Once you realized you were helpless without me and gave it to me to take care of, I was able to move the stone with but a word, but as long as you were struggling in your own strength, you were in the way..."

Mark

I like that