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SE,
Please have no doubt that you did the right thing in confronting OM. He is a POS that deserves confrontation. My W's OM also deserved it, and me being Irish, made sure he got just that. I applaud you for having more constraint than I did. I left OM after initial confrontation with a few scars he won't forget.
But that wasn't good enough for me, as I followed up up with a couple of more visits, just to make sure he perfectly understood my position. Dang, these POSOM have such a hard time understanding how fragile life is. :twobyfour:
After reading all this, I asked my W if she thought the less of me for these confrontations, and she answered no. You showed your devotion to me and family, and just how far you would go to protect it. It meant something meaningful to her to know that. She now understands the depth of my love for her and how far I will go to protect the one thing in my life that is worth fighting for......HER!!!!!
SE, you were not wrong in what you have done, and I applaud the fact that you are ready to do battle for your family.
All Blessings, Jerry
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Shinethrough: Your reply is in the realm of not worth talking about, given your screen name. OTOH, there are many folks here willing to fight for their M. If it should turn physical, that's a shame. But it happens to those who actually have an emotional stake in their lives. It seems to me most of us in the MB forums do have an emotional stake in our Ms. I think it's rational to protect that, even on a physical level if need be. I know my W if still worth it.
BH:me 33 WW: 30 PA:1-16-09 DD-11, DD-10, DS-6, DD-4 D-Day: 2-27-09
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And I say "good for you SE."
All Blessings, Jerry
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Please check out this thread,
Mike could use some support from those of you in favor of threats and violence to the OM. oh please. Dishonest and inflammatory, 6years. No one has advocated violence. Shame on you.. You have absolutely not a shred of evidence that would link any violent act to this board, yet you persist in spouting this nonsense. Please spare us the high drama.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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BBB,
Great progress, I think the affair (sort-of) and your revenge affair will not make this an easier recovery. I think you should try looking through a few of the recovering WW threads it will give you some early warning of things to come.
Her is my BH analysis of where your H is, caveat we are different people and ours was not a revenge situation. I think he is in denial and blaming the OM, I see a little of this from you as well. That is natural since both of you can completely hate on him with no consequence. He will, at some point, become angry with you and probably himself. If you can set a good stage now it should help get through that process.
I also think if you can be a great mom to the kids it will give him more incentive to work extra hard. Make sure he sees that you are putting in effort there as well as in the bedroom.
Best of luck Gabe I am totally different as well, but my fwxw and I did the exact same thing. We were on FIRE. The moment she confessed we had awesome sex, we even went on a romantic trip right away, but the resentment became FAR too much to bare. She had a LTA so maybe that will be the difference. You are also MUCH more proactive than my FWxW. Thats speaks volumes. I would continuously apologize and not let him take any of the blame for the A. Keep reinterating it was your choice, he had nothing to do w/ it. I do think you are on track and I pray it all works out for you two. DUDE
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Both ScrambledEgg and ShineThrough have advocated violence. I think from the scars comment that ShineThrough has committed violence. ShineThrough said applaud you for having more constraint than I did. I left OM after initial confrontation with a few scars he won't forget. ScrambledEgg said It seems to me most of us in the MB forums do have an emotional stake in our Ms. I think it's rational to protect that, even on a physical level if need be. The point I'm trying to make is that a physical confrontation in an emotional state is unwise. I was already saying that violence was a possible result before Mike had his latest problem.
Last edited by 6yearsleft; 03/02/09 06:54 PM.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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The point I'm trying to make is that a physical confrontation in an emotional state is unwise. I was already saying that violence was a possible result before Mike had his latest problem. Well you failed miserably in making that point because what *I* heard was cheap shots at ML and others.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Exactly Ggirl,
It is risky and I think it would be nice if people here would advise the BH to use a phone call or something where tempers do not get out of control.
Sorry I missed your reply through all the flames.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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And I think based on your sreename, you are unwilling to confront an assualt on your M and are simply counting down your "6Yearsleft".
You must be in purgurtory or something.
How are you holding out?
This sounds like a death by a thousand cuts. How's that working for you?
All Blessings, Jerry
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The point I'm trying to make is that a physical confrontation in an emotional state is unwise. I was already saying that violence was a possible result before Mike had his latest problem. But... no one advised Mike to confront the OM. He is months past Dday. And certainly no one told him to assault the OM. In fact, folks told him otherwise. Do you have some direct evidence that Mike was influenced against his will to commit an assault on the OM by this board? I would like to see the evidence that brought you to that conclusion, please. Lets see the evidence, 6years.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hey Jerry,
I'm divorced, the 6yearsleft is how I came to MB. I did read you post to say that you actually injured the OM. I'm not castigating you just pointing out that such a confrontation can go badly for the BH both physically and legally.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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Melody,
You just said no one, then I provide quotes. Then you switch the subject. I never claimed you advised Mike. I claimed you supported these confrontations and by implication the threats that they contain. The violence is a foreseeable outcome of these confrontations and it can put the BH in an even worse situation.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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Hey Jerry,
I'm divorced, the 6yearsleft is how I came to MB. I did read you post to say that you actually injured the OM. I'm not castigating you just pointing out that such a confrontation can go badly for the BH both physically and legally. Evidence please. I have been here for 8 years and we have told hundreds of BS's to confront OPs with no reports of violence. So, the evidence would appear to contradict your point. Do you have some evidence that would support your claim?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody,
You just said no one, then I provide quotes. Then you switch the subject. I never claimed you advised Mike. I claimed you supported these confrontations and by implication the threats that they contain. The violence is a foreseeable outcome of these confrontations and it can put the BH in an even worse situation. In other words, you have no evidence. If "violence is the foreseeable outcome" of these confrontations, I would like to see the evidence. I have been here for 8 years and have yet to see any evidence. Please enlighten us, 6years.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In fact, HUNDREDS have been told this since I have been here, so if your assertions are true, 6years, there should be PLENTY OF EVIDENCE. Lets see it, please. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Would the violent crime statistics around adultery suffice? I can look them up but I would prefer to use Mike as evidence that it can occur.
Mike is a veteran at MB and he should never have started his conflict with the OM.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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Aren't you making my case by responding to my reply to ShineThrough? He actually said that he injured the OM.
Me 42 BS Wife 41 FWW (exwife now) Divorced 10/14/2008 S 21 D 18 D 16 S, S 13 (twins) Grandson 8 months
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Would the violent crime statistics around adultery suffice? I can look them up but I would prefer to use Mike as evidence that it can occur.
Mike is a veteran at MB and he should never have started his conflict with the OM. But that is not evidence. I have not seen any evidence that anyone here influenced Mike, against his will, to assault the OM. No one even told him to confront the OM. Just the reverse; several told him specifically NOT to go near the OM. So, I guess that sort of blows your implication that the board somehow asserted power over Mike and make him commit a violent act. Unless you have evidence to the contrary, I am going to have to conclude that your implication is completely groundless and disingenuous. do you have anything to support your allegations?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Aren't you making my case by responding to my reply to ShineThrough? He actually said that he injured the OM. Is that because of the forum or because of Jerry? Did the forum make him do that? Again, you are still making bizarre assertions without any evidence, 6years. That which is asserted without evidence can be DISMISSED the same. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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