Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 31 of 36 1 2 29 30 31 32 33 35 36
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Who thinks hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol will kill roses??

Me and the girls had a great day!! We went downtown for lunch and walked around a mall. We even took the train.

We were running late getting home and WW sent me a "you were supposed to be home an hour ago" text. We had emailed during the day and I told her we may be late.

We get home and I throw something in the garbage....there are the stems from a dozen roses. I ask who got roses...she says me. Her and the girls went out for their Valentines event.....the girls were so tired from our day.


The roses looked parched.....I wanted to feed them...LOL!



Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Things have been quiet around the Carp house.

Met with my C last night and mentioned the audio at home. She said I should share the info with the kids C so she knows what she is up against. The kids C called me on Friday but I was in the shower!! I sent her an email requesting to speak/meet with her in regards to D12s behavior during our last session.

My C commented last night that "even if this be don't go your way with the kids....at least they will know you did the rite things few years down the road". I hate hearing that!! These next few years are the ones that are the hardest on kids.....I dont want WW to "raise" OUR kids during these years.....she never even got to be a kid during those years!!

I am not treating this like a "game" like WW says...

I have no desire to throw this all in WWs face if it goes the way I want.

I wish the legal system didn't recognize "mom" and "dad".....but instead "parent 1" and "parent 2".


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
I spent about 25 mins alone with the girls counseler.

Bottom line.....she thinks it's best the girls go with their mom!
I was totally shocked!

She talked about the "bond" mothers and daughters have

My girls say they want to live with mom but don't want to tell me

She said the girls routine is very important....which I agreed with.
I said....mom spends 30mins with them in the morning....what about our 2-4 hour routine everyday? I could pick them up and do that stuff everyday....her reply.

My WW should be allowed to....change schools....home....possible my kids not seeing their friends....so I don't disrupt 30mins "mom" time??

She said if I "push" WW out with the temp custody my kids will hate me?!?!

HELLO.....push?? WW did all that herself!!


Its not like last week....or last month...or even last year I magically became "dad"

I was/am furious!!!!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
As you should be. That's typical mom bias and a counselor that should be dropped immediately.

What you should be doing is establishing custody for yourself with a lawyer and have zero compromises on the table while she's in an affair.

Your bond with the girls is as important as mom's since you are the model they will seek for future husbands.

Don't believe the mom biased bull and take strong legal action. The loss of custody often wakes up WWes from their fantasy where they think they'll keep the kids and OM and simply replace you in their lives.

Not so simple in the real world.

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Time to drop this counselor.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Thx for your input guys.

I know it's a male biased world. I am certainly not gonna quit now just becauseof what she said. Me and the C even talked about actions/verses words....my WW is full of words and has been poisoning kids.

As far as dropping the kids C.....they really like her and she likes them.

Some of the stuff she said seemed more all over the place the my WW

Be the stable parent

You girls love you and know you love them

The whole "don't disrupt their routine" thing kills me though.

Maybe counselers aren't used to men acting like me! I know if the tables were turned the whole world would say "screw him"!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
The routine wouldn't be disrupted at all for the kids if the mom wasn't out banging another man.

Simple enough response.

Get a new counselor. The kids don't need to know why and will adjust to a new one.

Either that or have a "Come to Jesus" talk with the counselor.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by baron_richtofen
The routine wouldn't be disrupted at all for the kids if the mom wasn't out banging another man.

Simple enough response.

Get a new counselor. The kids don't need to know why and will adjust to a new one.

Either that or have a "Come to Jesus" talk with the counselor.
I think I am gonna go with option 2....

In legal news......I have WWs reply to my list in my temp custody papers......deny deny deny deny. Anyone have any legal advise for when this goes to court.

Also recieved a "motion to take the kids and leave" paperwork. It has a few of WWs list.....most I have answered. Do I just deny deny deny??

I typed "deny" so many times.....did I spell it rite!?!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
I'm curious to know what the girls' counselor thinks when you say "so you think the girls would be better off living with a woman who has cheated on her husband at least once, and who knows how many times she'll do it in the future with future husbands, which will mean even more disruption in their lives, not to mention growing up believing that if you don't like the guy you married, just sneak in a new one?'

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by catperson
I'm curious to know what the girls' counselor thinks when you say "so you think the girls would be better off living with a woman who has cheated on her husband at least once, and who knows how many times she'll do it in the future with future husbands, which will mean even more disruption in their lives, not to mention growing up believing that if you don't like the guy you married, just sneak in a new one?'

No kidding!! All this stuff ya think of AFTER the fact. When I was there I just could not believe what I was hearing!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
A little journaling

Last nights routine was about as normal as usual.

Me and the kids got homework done and ate dinner. WW was working them coming home to pick up the girls to go swimming. D12 wanted to go to a volleyball game at school. I told her she had to be home before mom came and I she could eat dinner. Me and D9 started dinner by ourselves because D12s volleyball game was running late. D12 made it home towwards the end but wasnt late for her mom.

As the girls were leaving I kissed them both goodbye and told them to be good for their mom. WW said they would be home by 9pm, it was 6:30 when they left.

Thursdays is the first night of the week where I don't have something/someone to take someplace or do. Mondays...IC for me, Tuesdays....small group for me, Wednesdays....girls have C.

I was a little bummed out from the legal info from earlier in the day and was had to have some peace and quiet. I had arranged to go hang out with some friends (married couple we are friends with for a long time). I finished my daily journal, put on some loud music, did some push ups till my arms were jello and hit the shower. When I got out I heard some noise downstairs...the girls were home about 8pm. I come down the stairs, looking/smelling good, and tell everyone where I am going. We all know honesty is the best policy...WW says D12 wants to go with me. I ask D12 if she wants to go and she says yes and gets her stuff together. I don't have a problem with D12 going....she has known these people almost her whole life...she goes to school with their son and their daughter goes to school with D9. WW was probably "hoping" to catch me being up to no good....NOT!
WW starts with me about D12 wanting "texting" on her cellphone. D12 and I had discussed it earlier in the week. D12 is on WWs plan so the decision would be her moms I told her. Of course to WW I am the "best dad in the world" because if WW wouldn't do it I told D12 we could see if she could switch to my plan....but I even told D12 me and mom would have to talk about it. WWs version is .....mom said no....dad said yes..bah blah blah....you get the drift.

D12 and I get in the car and she goes into "hating mom". I ask her if it's just about the texting issue...she says no. I tell her once again she shoud not hate her mom. We talk a few minutes about how she feels....I don't pull stuff out of her I just kinda let her vent. WW calls her on her cell....asks why we are still in the car (you can tell because my work car needs a muffler). Yesterday was MIL b-day so D12 calls grandma to wish her a happy one. I chime in with a happy b-day myself.

We go into our friends house...watch a little TV and head home about 9:30.



Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Quiet weekend.....again. WW gone Friday night and Sunday night till about 10pm. I dont question her...give her dirty looks...or generally even care.

Sundays sermon at church was about "meekness"....it ws perfect! The original topic was supposed to be a guest speaker and he was sick.
Wheh the Pastor was doing his final prayer he mentioned the fact of the change and hoped it touched/helped someone.....that someone was me.

WW has not ben keeping up her end of financials at home recently. I dropped her an e-mail about it yesterday.


E-mail to her

I have not recieved a check for your portion of our families monthly expenses since jan 15 2009. I asked about this in an email to you on 2-10-2009 and you never replied. Please let me know.




Her reply

The same email, which stated that you were not concerned with cashing the check I had given you in January, led me to believe that money is not an issue for you. I had also offered to just pay the LATE payments that you have incurred on the credit cards in lieu of giving you a check. Since I do not eat any of the food in the house, unless I buy it, and the only expenses that are incurred by me are the use of water and electricity for when I am there, I intend on giving you the entire tax refund (hence the reason I had asked you repeatedly in person and email to get me your W-2). On a weekly basis I take the girls for dinner, buy
them snacks and get them items for their lunches as well as any hygiene items (I'm certain that on the 13th I even bought YOUR deodorant and had bought other things that you needed such as hair dye). I buy household toiletries (dish soap, cat food, laundry soap, etc). I had decided that the monthly expense report and receipts that I had been giving you were a waste of my time, and frankly were unnecessary as I don't ask you for a breakdown of the monthly bills to prove that you are paying them on time and not jeopardizing my credit (even though, unfortunately you
aren't paying them on time, but are "Doing the best you can".)

I had also told you that I would get you the $110. that I owe you for half of the girls activity fees, but once again, you told me to just do what I could. I have had some unforeseen legal expenses lately and that has taken away from my "discretionary" income. I'm sure you can sympathize.
I will give you a check for $150.00 this evening (the 110.00 and an additional $40 to cover any portion of the girl's groceries for the week).

Thank heavens you didn't get me fired, or who knows how I would be able to give you the small amount that I do.

Thanks for the clarification that this was from "First and Last name". I'm sure that was for the attorney's benefit so she was sure who the email came from. If she needs any copies of any other email correspondence from the last 8 months (There are so many I have often thought how do you get any work done??) I will be more than glad to get those to her as well.



WW gets to change the rules to suit themselves????? The mail made me LOL when I read it.

I never replied to it....waste of energy!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
I am beyond horrified that you live like this, Carp. Your wife is using your home as nothing more than a flop house from which she conducts her open and flagrant adultery. How sad that your girls have to watch this brazen spectacle of their mother flaunting her adultery from their home. crazy

How much longer are you going to have live like this? What is up with the legal proceedings?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I am beyond horrified that you live like this, Carp. Your wife is using your home as nothing more than a flop house from which she conducts her open and flagrant adultery. How sad that your girls have to watch this brazen spectacle of their mother flaunting her adultery from their home. crazy

How much longer are you going to have live like this? What is up with the legal proceedings?

March 9th is our next court date Mel. I only live like this for the kids rite now....I could leave alone if I wanted too...the thought has crossed my mind....

She has filed a "temp/full custody me and the kids can leave" papers as well. My attorney said she will do a "Motion to Strike and Dismiss" because her papers fail to give any reason why WW should have custody.....except during our marriage she was "primary caregiver"......lol! Soccer coach....homework guy....bbq king...rides in the convertible for ice cream....vacations to see my family WITHOUT WW...hello!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
M
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Update us please so we know how you are.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Lately I have been all over the place emotionally......

Am I doing the rite thing?

Do my kids really want to live with their mom?

Why do I watch my WW do what she does.....and I still feel like I am wasting time/energy?

I was out with some friends Saturday night....I just wasn't "in to it". I had no desire to party it up! I was the DD so no drinking for me....I watched people dancing and having a good time...lots of ladies....I was actually thinking of my wife!

Sundays sermon at church.....let God deal with your mountains!! Very fitting for where I am at.

I was sharing my story with a friend and we were talking about the sermon. She asked me.....is your marriage the "mountain" or your pending D custody issues?

I honestly think I am past the marriage part.

6 more days till "d-day" court wise


I have to let God work on his part of the mountain.....I have done my part!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
God know how to deal with every case. You'll be surprised by his methods. I guess I still am.


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,719
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,719
Carp,

Keep documenting. It's very important.

What kinds of accusations is she making that you have to "deny"?

Don't get too wrapped up in all of this pre-trial paperwork. I really think that less is more when it comes to family law.

Waywards are strange creatures. Keep being a good dad to your kids and they will remember.

If WW think she can take your daughter's with her to go live her new life of adultery then she's really living in a sick fantasy world.

Your daughters are older and pre-teen and teen daughters are FIERCELY protective of their fathers, especially good and involved ones.

Have faith that the justice system will be fair. It's tough to do because there are a lot of horror stories and mistakes will be made, but people will be able to see if you're a good dad and your daughters are old enough to have their say on custody.

Wayward wives are downright sick people. Keep your head up and know and understand that there are tons of good women out there and there is life after divorce.


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Pom

Everything that any BS has ever done would be what I should "deny"!!

My problem is that WW has "demonized" me to the kids.....if they were asked to choose I think they might pick her outta fear!!

I know there are other fish in the sea....but I am still "Married".

I agree with the horror stories spooking me....


Imagine
Thanks for the kind words!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
C
Carp54 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 430
Today is the big day......

Weekend was quiet

WW left on Saturday about 7pm....made it home in time for me to go to church on Sunday.
We were the only ones home Saturday afternoon while she was getting ready to leave. I was nervous/angry/sad all at the same time. I don't know why her actions still affect me....probably because I am doing everything rite...and she does whatever she wants.

Me and the girls spent the evening watching movies and eating McDonalds.

Late last week my attorney submitted a petition to "strike and dismiss" my WWs petition for custody. In the motion a couple state statutes were sited as to why it should be striken. The statutes talk about the lack of facts in relation to why she should have custody.

Church yesterday was good for me.....would have been perfect for ANY WS.....forgiveness. I actually started to cry!

My attorney has told me I don't need to bring any additional info to court today. I started to print stuff off yesterday....probably a waste of time.


If anyone can think of anything I am missing.....

Wish me luck!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
Page 31 of 36 1 2 29 30 31 32 33 35 36

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,352 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5