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If you can't call them when you are down...well, nevermind.

Be sure to tell use when you get a diagnosis.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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It's called diverticulitis (sp?).

Nothing that can't be cured with some antibiotics. Basically it's a condition where food gets caught in bulges in the intestine and can get infected.

Fun stuff.

Feels like I've been kicked in the side after doing a bunch of situps on that side only.

But I've got my meds and my happy times pain killers now. smile


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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My mother in law has this but hers is very severe. She had to have about 12 inches of her colon removed recently. From what I gather repeated attacks can "disease" the colon. Hers is chronic- and hereditary. Does anyone in your family have it?

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My mother in law has had diverticulitis, too. She had it a couple years ago when we were on our annual vacation to Disney, and was on the phone with my wife in severe pain. BIL had to take her to the hospital.

It didn't help that MIL refused to follow any of the dietary restrictions, and insisted on eating her usual diet of pasta.

It's funny... in our Bad Old Days, MIL used to take my wife and kids to Disney World every summer, without me. (That's where my wife was able to meet with her ex-boyfriend.) I used to really resent these trips - and I'm also pretty sure that if my wife had started an affair with her ex-bf (she came close, but ultimately didn't), than MIL would have been cheering her on. So it seemed like karma that every year MIL had severe pain while down there. One year it required a trip to the hospital, but most years she just ended up staying in the room for 4 days out of the 5 day trip.

I think it was probably diverticulitis each time.

I hope you're feeling better, pom. It is good that they were able to figure it out.



Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
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Offered without comment:

A cure?

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It's been a crazy week:

2 of the 3 kids tested postive for strep on Monday.

I end up in the ER on Tuesday night with horrible pain in my side.

I came home with the kids today and found my new cat (got her in December) dead in front of her litter box. I discovered her before the kids did, luckily.

So now I have to figure out what to tell the kids.

I'm going to tell them that she was sick (which they knew about) and that she had to go to the cat hospital and will stay there because she's too sick for me to take care of her and needs the cat doctor all the time.

I'll get another one in a few weeks.

It was just something shocking to come home to.

I've also been feeling generally crappy. Stomach still hurts and I'm fighting nausea and fatigue. I thought the exww was going to offer to take the kids when she found out I went to the ER and was still struggling to recover, but she didn't. Again, not about me, but about the kids.

I'd offer to take them if the roles were reversed and she had no family around, but that's me.

She offered to come get them if I run to the ER again. So it appears that if my pain is bad enough for me to decide to go to the ER I'm supposed to wait 45 minutes for her to come before I leave.

I'll call a friend to babysit the kids if I need to. It will hopefully not be an issue and the pain will be manageable.



D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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I hope everybody recovers. Was g/f able to help?


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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I haven't had to go to the ER. Will call her if I do. She'll help me with the kids until exww shows up. That's a backup plan.

Kids haven't noticed that the cat is gone.

All ok this morning. I have to figure out what to do with the cat. I have her outside because it's freezing out there.



D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
pomdbd3 #2218984 02/23/09 03:14 PM
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Death is a tough lesson for kids to learn, but I guess it's better for them to get it with a pet than a family member.

I tried to tell DD6 that the cat was really sick and had to go to stay in a cat hospital and couldn't come back. That led to a torrent of tears and a sort of lack of closure which made me rethink the strategy.

I decided to tell her the truth at that moment.

I told her that she was actually dead and that I found her that way when we came home the other night.

She was still upset, of course. She called exww and was crying to her. Exww was comforting. I talked to the ex and explained what happened and how she was handling things. I told her that I was her age when I lost a rabbit and that my dad took me to bury it.

She told me not to let DD6 see me bury it because it might traumatize her. I didn't agree with her, but I didn't say anything.

Some time passed and I asked DD6 if she wanted to bury her. She agreed.

I borrowed a shovel from a neighbor, who almost cried and gave me a hug when I told her. Had never met this lady before.

Went into the yard and dug a good sized hole. I laid the cat nearby and DD6 came out. Curiosity replaced grief at this point and she had lots of questions about death. She got to say goobye to her and I put her in the hole and covered it up. She asked me if she was going to be able to breathe, and I explained that she didn't need to breathe anymore.

So we set a goal of going to the store to get something to make a cross.

Questions followed throughout the day:

Is there a cat heaven?

Is there a cat hell? (Told her there wasn't, but I imagine it would be one long and never ending shower.)

What was going to happen to her in the ground? Would she disappear?

I tried to explain it in a way that wasn't gruesome. I told her that she would disappear and would turn into things like grass and flowers and even worms.

So we set the cross with her name on the grave this morning and I sent her to school with pictures of the cat and her together.

She doesn't cry anymore about the cat, but does lament about her now and then.

So that was my exciting weekend.

Did I handle that ok? Others share this experience?


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
pomdbd3 #2219017 02/23/09 03:42 PM
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I think you handled it well. Of course, your exww is going to find out you buried the cat with your D... oh well...

We had a cat that passed away a few years ago. Google "Rainbow Bridge" for a very comforting story about pet heaven that might be appropriate for your D. We've gotten it on sympathy cards in the past, and it made my wife and I both feel better, even though I'm not so sure I believe in cat heaven.

Our cat was very sick for several months. The time came when we just had to put her to sleep. My wife was too upset to go, she wanted me to take her to the vet and stay with her while she was put to sleep. We told the kids about it beforehand, they were 5 years old at the time. We told them the cat was going to hospital and she would not be coming back, and we told them why. I remember my son - who didn't really understand what was going on - laughed, and my wife got very upset at that. All three of them were in tears when I left the house, but they were all dry-eyed when I got back home an hour later.

That was four years ago, right after my wife and I had "reconnected". My kids still remember that cat and talk about her from time to time.


Last edited by CuthbertCalculus; 02/23/09 03:45 PM. Reason: correct mispelling

Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
pomdbd3 #2219083 02/23/09 05:46 PM
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My middle D (9 at the time) found a stray kitten in the yard and wanted to try and save it. It was very sick and died the next day. We buried it in the back yard as well. The kids and mom had already started the hole when I came home from work. I helped finish it and we had a simple ceremony. All three kids watched as we lowered the cat and covered it up. We put a stone over it as a marker.

We also got many questions and tried to explain them as best we could. I don't believe that animals go to heaven because there is nothing in scripture to back it up. At the same time it is very clear that God cares for all animals. Everything was created for his pleasure.

What I am certain of is the kids need the truth. The cat died and that is a normal part of life. I think it is up to the kids if they want to see the animal and be there for the burial. They need closure as well and each child will handle it differently.

I think you did a great job of teaching your kids a difficult and important life lesson. Keep up the good work.




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Me 35
DW 33
DD 12
DD 10
DS 8
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You handled that exactly right. When my kids were little, we involved them in "saying goodbye" 2 pets just like you did. As a result, they are more understanding and better able 2 adjust when grandparents or other relatives pass away.

-ol' 2long

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Just a quick update.

All quiet here, for the most part.

Have had a two week time period without the kids due to our visitation schedule. DD6 has moved on fairly well from the death of the cat. Ash Wednesday was a good lesson for her and she's done a little more to start paying attention in church.

We "visited" the cat in the yard and prayed for her.

The only thing I haven't liked lately is that exww hasn't had the kids call. I've tried calling but didn't get a return call.

Supposedly "it's too late" or "too much is going on" to get the kids to call.

I don't have any restrictions on the kids calling when they're over at my place. They ask if they can call exww and I give them the phone and dial it for them without restrictions.

But she lives with a different set of rules for herself.

Haven't heard from her otherwise.

I wrote her the other day because she has the birth certificates for the kids. I've asked for them over and over again without any success.

I'm stuck because the boys were born overseas so I have to go through the State Department to get a copy and they request a certificate number and passport numbers which I don't have.

The process is a real pain but it wouldn't be a big deal if she simply gave me a copy of the docs.

The VA requires birth certificates in order to provide benefits regarding dependents.

Did a little research and the kids qualify for scholarships for being kids of a OIF/OEF Veteran.

They might get medical benefits too.

I've made a request through the parenting coordinator for these docs. I don't know what else to do and have no desire to get lawyers involved to get copies.

So that's my update.

GF and I are doing awesome. She's a real winner and treats me great.

Went with her and some of our friends to an Irish pub this weekend and sang tons of songs and had a blast.

I've also turned her into a Battlestar Galactica nerd, which is oddly appealing.



D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
pomdbd3 #2224450 03/04/09 02:38 PM
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Hopefully she'll cough up the documents after reading this here as this is just another demonstration that your x is an unfit mother.

If she doesn't change her ways fairly soon and bend her knee to God, I very much anticipate a day where your teenage children will CHOOSE to live with you full time and NEVER want to call her either.

Waywardness is a desease. No matter where she goes her sickness follows her. Your children, as they age, will recognize the sickness in her home and within her and eventually want nothing to do with her. She can try to create a fantasy of happiness in her household but it's soul empty and hallow.

I pity your x.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - xw...you can still REPENT. I'm not talking reconciliation or anything...just repentence. It's not too late. If you need to know how to go about it...start posting (again).


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
pomdbd3 #2224455 03/04/09 02:43 PM
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Quote
I wrote her the other day because she has the birth certificates for the kids. I've asked for them over and over again without any success.

You need a "lawyer letter".

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Lawyer letters cost money.

I hope xW has read Mrs W letter.


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
imagine #2224947 03/05/09 10:44 AM
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Come on XWW- having the kids not return his call is playing games and not flattering to you. You would be livid if he did the same. Play by the same rules you're asking him to.

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