I'm new here. I've been suspicious about my husband for a while but had no proof. Then one night in mid-December he left his email open and I saw several sexually suggestive emails. With the holidays, the new year and a vacation we'd had planned for a while, I didn't try to follow up on this.

About 6 weeks ago he was gone for a week and I was able to figure out his email password. I saw those same suggestive emails plus discovered he has accounts on two different websites where people post a profile, send messages and arrange to hook up. I was able to figure out the logins and passwords for those sites and discovered he hooked up with someone that very week. He'd given them his hotel room number and cell phone number to contact him. Then later there was a message regarding their time together.

Needless to say I am heartsick. I have been to the doctor for blood tests and have an appointment with an attorney next week. I've cut and pasted some emails into Word documents and printed screen captures of his profiles on those websites. I will take those to the attorney.

What I'm concerned about now is that my husband will say I invaded his privacy and the information won't be any good in court. Regardless, he still cheated and any way you slice that it's adultery.

I also made up a name and got a Yahoo email account with it and made a profile on the hook up site. I gave him a "wink" and he responded and ended up agreeing to meet "Mandi" at Starbucks for coffee and maybe more. Then I drove to the area where Starbucks is, parked across the highway at the supermarket and saw him show up there. I stayed a while, then went to the supermarket to get a few things. He called me to see where I was (he'd called the house and got no answer so he called my cell phone). I told him I was at the supermarket and he told me he was just leaving work, which I knew was a lie.

I'm concerned he could claim that was entrapment. Again, it looks like cheating to me, and even though nothing happened the intent was there.

I plan to tell all this to the attorney and take whatever negative consequences might come my way. I might end up having to pay for a private investigator to do the same thing just so it's all up front and legal.

He obviously doesn't know that I'm on to him and it's sheer hell to maintain my cool at home. He's going out of town for the weekend to a sports tournament, so at least I have a couple days where I'm not on pins and needles constantly. Then Monday afternoon I'll see the lawyer.

I've had to get cash back when I shop for groceries to raise the $150 for the lawyer. Because he does all our banking and other financials online, I can't do anything that he won't be alerted to. So I'm going to have to call my sister and ask her for a loan to tide me over til this is settled.

As much as I want out of this lie of a marriage (this has been going on, I've found out, for many years), I'm also scared to death of being left homeless, penniless and uninsured. I've always been a stay at home wife and mother (we've been married almost 36 years and have two grown children out on their own) so I have no earning power. I have lots of practical skills but nobody's paying for them except hotels and fastfood restaurants.

I just found this site and I'm not sure there's anything you can do for me except allow me to vent my anger, hurt and frustration.

ASB,

Welcome to the MB sitel

I'm so sorry that you are here for these reasons.

You've done pretty good keeping your cool and have managed to find out quite a bit.

Good job to you!!!

Hit the notify button, right corner of the posting box. This will notify a moderator, ask them to move this thread to General Questions II. It is more active over there so more will see your situation.

Good luck. You sound pretty strong, you will do well what ever journey you take.

Take care.

I wouldn't worry about invasion of privacy or entrapment. The truth is still the truth. You can always say WH left his email account open and you came across it if tt makes you feel better Waywards usually start to get sloppy anyway. There's no entrapment here. WH showed up of his own free will. He wouldn't be trolling the internet for women otherwise.

Being a SAHM the financial aspect of divorcing is probably very scary. An attorney could tell you what you can likely expect in terms of alimony if you opt to D. If you have access to bank statement, get copies of the latest ones so that if money magically disappears once you file, you have record. However, WH would have to produce these during D proceedings at some time anyway. Are you not on any account? If so just show up at the bank and make a large withdrawl.

Sorry you are here. I know your world is imploding but are you sure you want to go with plan D or do you want to try and save the M?

SB, you seem to be under the impression that you have to JUSTIFY yourself to an infidel. you do not! Nor does your H have to the right to the privacy to destroy you behind you back.

I would stop worrying about what he might "claim" and concern yourself soley with protecting yourself by snooping like a BLOODHOUND!

Sorry you are here!

This bloodhound has been busy and I've uncovered evidence that the cheating has been going on even longer than I originally thought. I've found emails going back to the summer of 2005.

I've also been making copies of vehicle titles, mortgage papers, insurance policies, tax returns and our entire financial data file on Microsoft Money. Tomorrow I start photographing the entire house and its contents. He still has no clue that I'm on to him and the longer I can maintain the status quo and arm myself, the better I think I'll end up.

I don't really want a divorce, but if he's not willing to change his promiscuous ways, I see no other option. I'm willing to go into counseling with him and see if we can work this out. It will be difficult for me to trust him again given the enormous amount of betrayal that's occured.

I call the doctor tomorrow (Friday) afternoon for at least part of my test results. And Monday I see the attorney. I have come up with $150 in cash by getting cash back at the grocery and drug stores. That will pay for my initial legal consultation.

It's scary, but so is living a lie for all these years.

TOS: You agree not to create multiple usernames for deceptive purposes.


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Thanks, Revera