Thanks for the response. I'm not quite as young as you, but I still feel there is time. We will wait and see what happens. My husband did tell me the other day that, other peoples kids make him nervous but he feels it will be different if it is our baby. So that gave me hope. Like you do, I respect his feelings on the matter. I love him for who he is. We will get through this together. Thats what I tell him. But, your husband is right starting a family can be a scary thought because it is so different from what we are used to. For almost 2 years, it has just been us. I feel like once we get more settled he will open up more. Hopefully, yours will too and look at it as an experience you can share. Best of luck to you and your husband!
My heart goes out to you. I apologize for the length of this...but I promise I have a point.
My husband said the same thing to me. We married in 2005 after dating for 2 years. He said that he didn't want children right away because he wanted to build our "nest egg." When we were 2 years into marriage (and I hit my 30s), I mentioned that maybe we should start trying. He still felt that we weren't ready financially. Btw, we had plenty in our savings.
Honoring his wishes to wait on a baby, I began focusing my efforts on looking for a single family home that we could settle into. We never planned to stay in the townhouse for more than a few years. So, I could at least get the ball rolling for a house to raise a family when the time comes.
He was on board with this.
We bought our house in mid 2008. We were very happy. He even drove by the elementary school our future children would attend and told me that it's very nice. (I didn't ask him to check it out...he did this on his own). So, that made me so happy. I thought, "he's finally ready!"
We discussed trying and he said he wanted to wait until June. For what? I don't know. Again, I waited.
One day in mid May, he told me, "I don't want children." Just said it completely out of the blue. Shocked, confused, and hurt...I didn't understand.
Why did we just buy this house if we aren't having children? I loved him and told him, "Our marriage is more important to me than having children; tell me what's happened for you to change your mind so suddenly." He told me, "I don't know." Well, to leave out more details for an attempt at a shorter version...and after many sleepless, crying nights...
I found out he had been cheating on me.
I filed for divorce. Now, I am thankful we don't have children. I am now awaiting the day of the divorce, so that I can rebuild my life.
The reason I'm telling you all of this is because...
You want children. He's waivering.
I realize now that my stbxh dragged his feet for 2 1/2 years of our marriage because he wasn't sure. If he had been honest with me before marriage, I could've decided to marry him accepting a life without children or to leave him knowing that we had different life plans.
It shouldn't be something that you have to convince him of. Having a child should be something that both of you want. Don't you want him to want it as much as you? Now, if his reluctance is completely born out of fear...that makes sense. But, re-evaluate the situation. If you feel like he's just stalling continuously, and you're fighting an uphill battle...with no end or answers in sight...you have a big discussion to have with him either way.
He's been honest with you in saying that he isn't sure. Is this something that you can live with? You have every right to pursue your dream of having children just like he has every right to not want them. Ideally, your dream as a married couple would be the same one.
I know my story is a little different (the infidelity part), but like you, I waited... believing and hoping that he would be ready. He never was.
Thankfully, someday, I will meet someone who wants children with every ounce of his being. If I meet someone who isn't sure, he isn't for me.
I hope your husband decides he wants children and everything goes swimmingly!