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And, books, lots and lots of books.
*gasp!* A kindred spirit!

PB, I'm known as the book lady, cos I give books as gifts for everyone, every occasion!

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NO CASH
I was thinking the same thing! Every time you see a sale, pick up some stuff for your D. Start stuffing boxes full of stuff to give her whenever you get the chance. Or if they come and say you have to help her, whip out one of the boxes of boxed/canned food. smile

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Originally Posted by Pepperband
A pittance won't be enough. It will just serve to whet Java's appetite for others to take care of her.

May I suggest you offer some things for DD15 .... FOOD or CLOTHING or BLANKETS or TOILETRIES and never ever offer cash.

A big basket of food.
A basket of soap, shampoo, cream, hair brush , toothpaste, a mirror, etc.
Some new inexpensive clean clothing - sweat pants, T shirts , sweat shirt, socks and sneakers.
A new sleeping bag. A new pillow.
And, books, lots and lots of books.

NO CASH

Good Idea Pep...

I'll suggest that to my lawyer tonight and he can pass that on to the Child advocate. If DD needs anything I'd be more than willing to supply any of the things you've just suggested.





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When H and I were going to BILY meetings we were taught how to meet our son's basic needs while NOT funding his bad behavior choices.

Son would howl: "I need cash to buy food for lunch at school." (He was buying smokes & drugs, I knew he was)

Me: "I'll pack your lunch."

Son: "That's lame."

Me: "Not if you're hungry."

Son: "Just give me the money."

Me (now starting to get peeved): "There is food in the kitchen, make your own lunch."

Son: "You don't care if I starve!"

Me: "There is food in the kitchen, make your own lunch."

Then - son stomped into the kitchen - THREW open the freezer and took out a whole raw frozen chicken and tossed it into his backpack. He was glaring at me as if to say "I'll show you!". Then he went out front to wait for the van (his ride).

I had to turn my face I was starting to laugh as I imagined the chicken starting to thaw during school rotflmao

Son left the house and must have had second thoughts about his chicken, because he came back in the house and threw "his lunch" back in the freezer.

Me: "Have a good day at school."

Son slams door on his way out.
rotflmao

Last edited by Pepperband; 02/11/09 07:33 PM.
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Amazin Offline OP
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How about writing your D a letter every day, and just saving it for her? At some point, she will be ready to reach out to you. If she has a record of what you went through during this period...it can only be heartwarming and bonding for her.


Another Good Idea! The mens group at my church did something like this. It's called "Letters From Dad"

Letters From Dad.

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Then - son stomped into the kitchen - THREW open the freezer and took out a whole raw frozen chicken and tossed it into his backpack. He was glaring at me as if to say "I'll show you!". Then he went out front to wait for the van (his ride).

I had to turn my face I was starting to laugh as I imagined the chicken starting to thaw during school

Son left the house and must have had second thoughts about his chicken, because he came back in the house and threw "his lunch" back in the freezer.

Me: "Have a good day at school."

Son slams door on his way out.

LOL.... Too funny....

I had a simular situation when we were living on Base in New Orleans. They had built a charter school on base. It was the first public charter school on a military base in the U.S. The principle was a retired marine Female colonel and was a stickler for "The Rules"... It was a law in Louisiana that if a child didn't have a lunch then the school was required to provide one and then they would bill the parents.

We made our kids take their lunch to school. DD's figured out that if they conveniently lost their lunch on the way to school then they would get whatever was on the hot lunch menu for that day. The school sent me a bill. I wasn't to happy. I called the school and told them not to do that any more. They said they have to because it's the law. I refused to pay... The principle complained to the Family Advocacy councel on Base. I told them that we buy all the things that DD's need to for a bag lunch and if they forget to make one then they can wait until they get home to eat. I even went on to tell them that in the history of humanity... there has never been a doccumented case of someone starving to death in 8 hours. If DD's were too lazy to make a lunch then there were concequences for their actions. If they threw thier lunch away ... same concequences... they stayed hungry until dinner.

Needless to say.... they didn't get hot lunches at school after that. LOL

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GREAT idea, Pep! That ought to appease everyone except for Java - and who gives a rip about her?

You sound good, Amazin. Keep that up.

hug

Fox

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Thanks Fox.

I feel pretty good.


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I met a girl at my divorce care group yesterday. She has been married 35 years I think??? A long time anyway. Her husband is about to get run over by a Karma Train... I'd even say he's tied to the tracks with no hope of excape. He left her for a younger woman. This guy had a six figure salary and never went to college. He got in on the ground floor of a company and it got built up to a billion dollar buisness.

His affair partner... The daughter-in-law of the owner....... :twobyfour:
Needless to say he is no longer employed at the company... :crosseyedcrazy: his six figure cushy job ... Gone... Now he's selling used cars in this economy... And not doing too well. The wife said he's supposed to pay her 1900 a month and he's only taking home 1700... He's been forced to sell all six of his Harley's ... Poor thing...


The OW must be supporting him... I'm sure that's going to last.... It's a time bomb waiting to implode...

It gives me hope that the karma bus is comming for my WW... I guess some of us just have to be a little more patient than others.




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Java the Butt?

tl

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Funny thing that when someone is left to their own devices they tend to end up in free-fall and the bottom is the only thing in sight that can break their fall.

Even the ones who thought they were flying find the THUD at the bottom eventually...

Even those who seem to make it to the end have to answer for what they have done.

Mark

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Originally Posted by thndrnltng
Java the Butt?

tl

Do you mean is the OW Java???

Or is Java the Butt another nickname?

My ex is definatly not the OW... She's more like a welfare queen. Not the type of girl that a capitalist would even consider.

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Originally Posted by Mark1952
Funny thing that when someone is left to their own devices they tend to end up in free-fall and the bottom is the only thing in sight that can break their fall.

Even the ones who thought they were flying find the THUD at the bottom eventually...

Even those who seem to make it to the end have to answer for what they have done.

Mark


True... so true... Sooner or later... They have to answer for their actions.

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Or is Java the Butt another nickname?

Well, you said she claimed to be unable to work as a driver because she couldn't sit for long, and yet now all she was doing was reposing on her donkey. (I paraphrase. laugh ) So I thought Java the Butt might be appropriate under the circumstances.

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Gotcha... Too funny...

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My hearing for child support was at 8:30 this morning.

Hmmm..... should I keep ya'll in suspense? think

Naa...

Bottom line... after calculating how much Java owes me and how much child support I would have to pay Java until my DD-15 graduates high school...

Java still owes me money....

So for now I donʼt have to pay any child support. Itʼs looking like Iʼm not going to pay any at all. And Java is still going to have to make payments to me. I have another hearing on June 9th. The Domestic Relations Office is going to request that Texas transfer jurisdiction to Pennsylvania. Then on June 9th we should come to some sort of agreement on how much Java should pay me....


I'm sure Java is just steaming right now. I'm sure she thought she was going to have a great big payday.

Nope.... Not hardly...

hurray

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Great to hear how it worked out! And, even though you won't have to pay her, she'll still have to pay you back at least some of what she owes you. Congrats!



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THUD....................

So glad to hear the update. Your story is extremely satisfying to read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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I'm sure Java is just steaming right now. I'm sure she thought she was going to have a great big payday.

dance2 hurray rotflmao

Yahoo!! What a [censored]...


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Java and DD-15 are starting to reap the fruits of the seeds they've sown...

And they're not going to like it.

Java said she was getting an apartment on the 19th. I sure hope she wasn't counting on a great big check from me to pay her deposit, first and last months rent and etc... I wonder if her plans have changed?

I don't want to see DD-15 suffer. But the temporary order says she can come back to my home anytime she wants to. She has chosen not to.... Her choice Not mine.

Pride and stubborness is an awful hard thing to swallow I guess.




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Then on June 9th we should come to some sort of agreement on how much Java should pay me....

dance2

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