Before you ask, YES I know this is an infidelity forum. However, you all are so knowledgeable that I knew you could offer some good advice.

My brother is 18 years old and has been dating a 15 year old girl for almost a year.

Today, for some reason--I don't have all the details--her grandmother has decided to ask him to marry her GD, the girlfriend. She will be 16 soon, I believe.

Is there any advice you can give me about helping my brother with removing his head from his posterior?

Our father apparently knew and NEGLECTED to tell us, but that is no surprise since he's girl crazy too.


This comes after we moved 50 miles away from the town we were in. Out of nowhere!


What can I do?

My uncle is outside as I type trying to persuade him to stay here.

If you don't post, please pray for him to COME TO HIS SENSES!

EDIT: He's back inside and getting a verbal thrashing from our uncle. What can I do to help?

Also, mods, feel free to move this topic into the right forum if you need to.

Oh, man. Trying to talk sense to a teenage boy IS like trying to talk sense to a wayward.

Not sure you'll have any impact at all. Maybe it would make more sense to try talking to gf's grandmother?

You DO have my prayers.

Good news. The sheriff has left (my uncle called the sheriff) and my brother has stayed here.

My uncle is trying to tell him how he would have gone to jail since we are in VA and the age of consent is...18, I think?

Thank you for your support.

EDIT: The GF's grandma tried to ENCOURAGE this. Talking to her would do no good.

My uncle has told us to not allow my brother to call her under any circumstances, advising us to hide the phones.

My brother has just a few minutes ago asked our grandma (who, while being a sweet and gentle person is easily manipulated by her kids and grandkids)...to call her.

I hid the phones...it's terrible! He's going through what I can only classify as detox...he's crying and being generally irrational.

Is there anyone (besides gf) that your brother trusts, respects? Even a classmate? Could that person intervene?

Not likely a therapist could make a dent at this point, but maybe a trip to the family doctor? Could the kid be depressed and need short-term meds/counselling?

This is a tough one. Pulling for you, karmarose.

You might try the "scared straight" thing, showing him how he will be prosecuted as a sex offender for contining this relationship(?) Need to check on state laws.

Does sound like a WS in the heat of the "fog." Having worked with college students for almost 20 years I understand when you say he's not in his right mind. Probably immature, hormones raging, sensing he's in "love" and a host of other things.

Do what you can to keep them apart, even if that means calling the police.

At this point, things are calm and he is back home. The sheriff was called and my uncle (who is an electrician and will henceforth be referred to as "DU") has forbidden him from calling her--as I've stated before, just going back over the facts.

I think this whole idea of his being prosecuted hasn't scared him a bit, but rather gives him the idea that it is "one more trial of love!"

What is it going to take for him to GET IT? This is the same concern you BS's have with your WS's, I know.

There's no one we can get to talk to him. See, we just moved 50 miles so there's NO ONE who can talk to him.

No therapists, no family doctor--again, since we just moved, we're in the process of acquiring NEW doctors and the like.


As for depression and all, I'm not entirely sure. He has a temper just like our father--and my only fear is that he will abandon us the way our father did--leave his whole family, and step into the girlfriend's family.

Tonight after we had an argument he even threatened to put me through a wall--things like this are commonplace with him, so I ignored it.

He does have anger issues, so maybe that's something to do with it...it's just one big mess that I simply...it's almost too much to bear, really.

Maybe this is part of the problem. He's at that age when peers are of utmost importance and if he has nobody else then this girl has come to mean everything to him. I know this doesn't sort the problem right now but could he get involved in things where he can meet a wider bunch of friends? Could one of his old friends come to stay for a night or two?

No, that's not an option. None of his friends have ever come over to the house, and ALL his friends were in this old school of his, so yes, his only option IS this girl.

He should be in college next fall--he graduated earlier, but I'm not sure how the situation will go until then. I worry a LOT what will happen when this girl turns 16...

Has he been sheltered from consequences in the past?

Do other's, like you and your uncle, take the responsibility for the right choices?

Sometimes weak boundaries lead to this kind of thing and the only wake up will be consequenses that he suffers himself. Call the police and get them involved in interviewing him for SF with a minor. It might wake him up before it is too late. If he doesn't feel the heat of his recklessness, it will be a pattern that he will continue repeating throughout his life. He will keep on finding bigger things to conquer to get your/anyone's attention and end up in jail or worse.

In all honesty, both of us have been pretty sheltered. The only one who would actually stand up to anyone about their decisions was my grandfather, and as you all know he has passed away.

Now I'm the only person in the family who will.

My grandmother tends to be...well, she complains, but makes things easier for him--allowing him to talk to the GF after he was forbidden by DU to call her for example. She is very easily manipulated by those she loves.

The cops have been out here yesterday, like I've said--but I don't...I don't want to be the one to call them, because I'm already the bad guy for standing up to him about what he does --going off for the whole weekend, that sort of thing. If the cops are out here too much, we may get kicked out of the trailer we just moved into.


A little while before this, he came to me telling me how scared the GF was of SF in general...I didn't think anything of it. What do you suppose that meant?

An update. It is two months later and my brother is still seeing this girl.

He has had one overnight stay with her, too. (He gets very mad, almost to the point where you think he'd break something, if he does not get to see her. He takes calls in his room or outside, often in the rain or snow if conditions apply--tease him too much about it [or anything really] and he says he'll put you through a wall)

I don't know what to do. All it takes is her grandmother getting mad at him and he could go to prison for ten years.

(Did I mention her grandma lives with her husband and ex-husband?)

She lives with her husband and ex-husband?

He stayed overnight with her at this house?

Why would grandma get mad at him, then?

Charlotte

I'm not saying that she would right now. But if she DID get mad, she would probably have him prosecuted.

I am so worried that that's what she'll do--they've paid enormous expenses for him, even bought his $400+ high school ring.

They've supported him financially?

Maybe she's hoping the granddaughter gets knocked up so she'll be someone else's problem.

Charlotte

She has had brain surgery, and all that sort of thing. I don't know the extent of her problems, though...

She goes to the high school 50 miles away. He graduated early. Her parents...um, well, I don't hear much about her mother. She's in the picture, just not...

I don't think I can do this to him. How would I do this without them knowing who did it?

Doing so would probably get me thrown out of the house or something.

I don't think I can do this to him. How would I do this without them knowing who did it?

There are many ways. First send an anonomous note to the school and copy the police department and send a copy there too. Then, copy her parents. An anonomous note is fine if you copy it to everyone. Then all the people who get the copies will have to take action.

Better yet:

Write one anonomous letter. Make it seem like it is from one of the girl's girlfriends or even a church or some other person she knows. Put a return address on it that is NOT your own.

Then, send copies to, and list all the people you are copying:

1. Her school
2. His school or work
3. Your parents
4. Her parents
5. Your grandparents
6. Any other adults she is in contact with
7. The police department
8. The school counseling office
9. Your brother himself

The idea is to copy all these people and sent many copies to all of these people without letting anyone know you did it.

Then, never tell that you did it. Everyone will know and can take action but you will never be implicated in this if you do it carefully.