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Originally Posted by karmasrose
She goes to the high school 50 miles away. He graduated early. Her parents...um, well, I don't hear much about her mother. She's in the picture, just not...

I don't think I can do this to him. How would I do this without them knowing who did it?

Doing so would probably get me thrown out of the house or something.

You said she is 16?

How old does someone need to be in your state to date someone older with parental consent?

Obviously they must like your brother or they would have turned him in already?

You need to be careful about what you do. You don't want a "Romeo & Juliet" scenario here.

Charlotte

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OR: You could just let your 18 year old brother continue to rape the 15 year old. Heck, what harm would it do, your brother is corrupt already. Let him get her pregnant, then something will have to happen.

You could just leave the situation alone. This has happened to many many young people. One rapes the other, underage one and then the underage one gets pregnant. Thier lives are ruined as is the life of the baby. But you cannot stop it can you?

Your brother is already ruining his life or has ruined his life, What can you do or say to turn his life around? Not much.

I really feel sorry for the potential baby born of this 15 years old girl. Is your brother at least using birth control? Give him a box of 100 condoms. Leave it in his room and run out of there before he sees you.

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Stella:

Your point about the age difference is very important, and I think something that really hasn't been addressed on this thread.

Questions: Have they engaged in intercourse, YET? Is it presumed here? Karma has stated that the brother has spent the night over there. Does that mean that they have had intercourse?

Are thier general interactions supervised? One house or the other, adults present, (enabling adults not included in this)

Did the girls grandmother ask your brother to marry her, because she is a backwoods grandma, or because she was just wanting to make it legal?

And Karma: This is something that you should do because it needs to be done. There is NO NEED to hide. Because it WILL come back to you. Might as well stand up and up front about it.
Statutory Rape charges should not be thrown around lightly. And this 15 year girl is certainly not capable of making some of these choices. Your Brother, at 18, IS.

And next Tuesday, this 15 year old may determine that having your brother as a boyfriend is pointless. And finds a NEW one.

LG




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I partly agree with Stella and others that there's little you can say to your brother to stop this-teenagers in "love" are as stubborn as waywards and they generally care even less about consequences. If the family the girl is living with approves, that's one HUGE obstacle against your cause.

However, like you said, if your bro has a falling out with the grandmother, she can use the statutory rape laws of the state to seriously screw him over.

And here's where I disagree with Stella's advice-since the consequence you're trying to avoid is little bro's possible arrest and conviction, how is turning him in, even anonymously, going to help? All you're going to do is ruin his life-and get him labeled a sex offender-over consensual sex - the 15 year old is a willing part of this, remember...

So what can you do? Well, treat him like a wayward husband-do NOT let him bring this girl over to your house, do NOT let him talk to her on your house phone, and if you're paying for his cell phone, don't let him use that either! Basically, do not make it easy for him to conduct this relationship at your house, using your resources. And be a broken record in reminding him of the possible legal consequences of messing with this girl.

EDIT: Another thing, talk to the girl! Get her contact info and then have a heart-to-heart with her about those same legal consequences! Remind her those consequences are the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging over your bro's head if they keep seeing each other. There is a chance that she may decide to break it off herself with that knowledge.


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Depending on your state laws, he could be looking at rape charges, prison time, and life on the sex offender registry. Not something to fool around with. Perhaps you could look up your state's laws, print a copy, and give it to him and to her. Maybe she'll have more sense than he does.

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I'm not sure if they HAVE had intercourse. I haven't gone to the girl's house when he's there overnight.

I control none of his cell phone (he talks and texts to her ALL the time, sees her rarely. Maybe once a month, if that). I cannot control her coming to the house (this does not happen anyway, she doesn't come to visit him, he has to go to her).

I cannot control his going to her house (I protest when we visit the city 50 miles away where she lives but my grandmother will let him visit her house anyway and will in fact scold me if I protest).

I can do ALMOST nothing to keep this secret if I do send a letter/s (I have no driver's license, but if I walked to the mailbox...[we live in a trailer park])

There was talk that she [the girl's grandma] wanted my brother to marry the girl. "Backwoods" is probably an appropriate term here.

I'll start, but this won't be easy...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Karma, gotcha!

















Last edited by cinderella; 03/09/09 10:54 AM. Reason: 'cuz I can
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Sent the email.

The only new thing that occurred was that I was talking with my grandmother about how my brother could get scr3w3d over by HER grandma if her grandma got mad at him.

He wakes up (she'd been trying to get him up for half an hour), comes in, and tells me to mind my own business.

Had I said anything he'd probably have "mocked" hitting me. He does this whenever we press too hard about anything.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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There's a lot going on here....not much of is sounds healthy.


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I should probably go a little more in-depth with another situation.

My grandmother is a diabetic and will occasionally have "spells."

She doesn't eat after she takes her shot, things like that--she can "lose" her head temporarily. (The two times it happened she was driving. Nearly wrecked, but the first I stopped her from doing so)

The first time it happened since we moved, I was with her and my brother was off with this girl. (He spent almost a whole week at her house around the beginning of the year)

The second time I was at work. (I work at Wal-Mart. I don't see why people say it's a bad place to work, I get treated nicely) And she ended up in the hospital

I feel that I can't date (and I never have in all my 19 years) because SOMEONE has to look out for her. SOMEONE has to stay around and make sure she eats or makes sure she takes her insulin.



One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Karma, how old is she? Has her doctor had a talk with her about personal responsibility? Does she have the mental faculties to care for herself? Or, does she choose to keep others in her life as caretakers thereby absolving herself of personal responsibility?

In other words, does she have impaired mental function or is she manipulating you?

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She's not impaired (she is 63). AS long as she eats and takes her insulin she is fine, just like you or me.

It's when she doesn't eat, or doesn't take her insulin that she's like that.

In fact she takes care of us. She's been a SAHM most of her adult life.

She had three boys. I am the first "daughter" she had.

She worries about everything and will call me to help with bill-paying (she's not too good with a computer yet installs mahjonng all the time) online.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Geesh. It's like pulling hen's teeth to get him to do anything, too.

He was asked many times to walk the dogs and when I told my grandmother he still hadn't done it he whacked a filing cabinet.

Then started yelling at me about how I'm going to "get mine."


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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You know Karma, it sounds like drugs may be involved too.



"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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His brother hasn't raped anyone. The age of consent in Virginia is 15.
http://www.moraloutrage.net/staticpages/index.php?page=Virginia

I'm not saying that the relationship is healthy. But it is not criminal.

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Originally Posted by karmasrose
She's not impaired (she is 63). AS long as she eats and takes her insulin she is fine, just like you or me.

It's when she doesn't eat, or doesn't take her insulin that she's like that.

In fact she takes care of us. She's been a SAHM most of her adult life.

She had three boys. I am the first "daughter" she had.

She worries about everything and will call me to help with bill-paying (she's not too good with a computer yet installs mahjonng all the time) online.

Then, if she is mentally well, do you intend to be her caretaker for the next 20 years? That's what you seem to be allowing. How could she be led to become more self-sufficient, at least health-wise?

What would happen if you were to move for one reason or another....job/love/other necessity? If your brother were to hurt you, would you stay there? Would you be his target as well as her guardian? How would that work? Allowing her to control your life? Allowing him to bully and badger and threaten you?

Did you read that? Did you read, how your wrote in your posts, that he is controlling you through threats of violence? Did you read how your grandmother has you trapped there in your brother's cycle of threatened violence?

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My brother has a trach(sp?). He probably is on several different meds for his allergies and things like that. Drugs? Hmm...you have a point...

My grandmother--well, someone has to take care of her. If I left home...

Today, for instance. He is calm again. It's like he was never mean.

I never looked at it as being trapped...weird how it takes an outsider to do that.

EDIT: Weird, I was told the age of consent was 18 here. I guess that makes that part moot.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by karmasrose
EDIT: Weird, I was told the age of consent was 18 here. I guess that makes that part moot.
My mistake. Looking closer...

§ 18.2-371. Causing or encouraging acts rendering children delinquent, abused, etc.; penalty; abandoned infant. Any person 18 years of age or older, including the parent of any child, who (i) willfully contributes to, encourages, or causes any act, omission, or condition which renders a child delinquent, in need of services, in need of supervision, or abused or neglected as defined in § 16.1-228, or (ii) engages in consensual sexual intercourse with a child 15 or older not his spouse, child, or grandchild, shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor


I'm very sorry for confusing the situation.

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So, supposing they have had intercourse and the grandmother knew of it, she and my brother could both be charged?

Ayiyi. What a web.

Don't apologize. It's easy to misread.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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