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Yea, I'm going to show them this.
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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Expose today. Their only reasoning would be that it would piss her off. So what. Never care about pissing off an enemy of your M. Right now the biggest enemy is your W.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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"WW's parents - One already knows, he seemed to be sheltering the mother from the truth."
You then tell the mom directly.
"Her siblings - One supposedly knows, but the depth of the truth is uncertain."
Why don't they all know everything?
"g parents - She loves her grandmother, hates her grandfather."
And the gas is $2 a gallon, who cares who she hates, loves, did you tell them? Your unbelieveable.
"WW anunts and uncles - Two already know, soon this will include them all."
Good.
"close friends - Will have to get her phone and prepair a call list."
Good.
"OMW - Unknown if other woman"
Not other woman, OM's wife.
"OM parents - have mothers phone now"
So you want a medal, use it.
"OM g parents - Will ask OM mother to spread the same letter."
Pointless.
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Delay exposing.
Great idea giving the OM another week to bang your WW.
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The longer you delay, the more he deposits in her LB$$ and vice versa
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Moncouer...
PLEASE call OM's parents...grandparents...OM himself...Blow this thing up on his side of the fence...Make your WW far too much trouble for him...Let him know that you are fighting for your marriage and will NOT back down...Ask his parents and grandparents to keep their son/grandson away from your wife...Let them know that their son/grandson is an interloper in your marriage!!!
PLEASE DO THIS TODAY!!!
You will feel GREAT relief when you start taking ACTION...
And YES, both of her parents should also know...
I'm sure you have great respect for Aunt and Uncle, but the advice they are giving you is NOT sound for your situation...Please listen to the voices of experience here...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Moncouer...
Think about this:
If you let his parents and grandparents know, then he can't introduce your wife to them as his girlfriend...Do you see that? He won't even be able to say that you guys are in the process of divorce, and that you are okay with what they are doing...You ruin any plans of them normalizing their "relationship" to his family and instead reveal it to be what it really is...A SLEAZY AFFAIR: ADULTERY...
Moncouer, TRUTH is the solution to adultery...Exposure is doing nothing but exposing the TRUTH...It is WRONG to commit adultery, it is NOT wrong to expose adultery...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Finally for now, in case you haven't noticed my signature yet, I am a FWW myself...I am telling you from THAT side of the fence, how to ruin this affair...In essence, I am giving you "insider information"...Please use it...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Gee, this has really been a snap getting all this info to you Moncouer.   And rest assured your WW's funfilled trip to New York includes meeting her OM there. You can mortgage the house on it. C'mon Mancouer, for every point blank suggestion, you come back with 15 or more questions. How about more action and less thought. People here are not trying to steer you wrong. we've been there, done that. We've all walked this road in front of you, KWIM? All Blessings, Jerry
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Moncouer... You wanted information from Dr. Harley regarding exposure...From the private section of this forum (for those that have attended a Marriage Builders Weekend Seminar), here is some of what he has to say... I'm in the process of rewriting "Surviving an Affair" to add information about plan B. Some of the main points are as follows:
Whether in plan A or B, the world should know about your husband's affair. All of your relatives, your friends, your children, and the licensing board for your husband's lover. In some states a licensing board will revoke a license if a counselor is having an affair with a married person, client or not. This is because it's well known that affairs hurt families, especially children. And counselors know better than to have an affair.
The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is.
Plan B, avoiding all contact with your husband until he agrees to never see or talk to his lover is not designed to bring him back to you. It's designed to protect your emotions just in case he will eventually return. If you try to win him back over a long period of time (Plan A), the effect would not only risk a nervous breakdown, but it would also cause you to lose your love for him. So the purpose of plan B is to protect your mental health regardless of the outcome, and also protect your feeling toward your husband in case his affair ends earlier than you would think.
Truth is, your husband's life will soon become chaotic, and he will begin to see what life without you will feel like. It will put pressure on his affair. Very few of these relationships ever make it to marriage (5%), and few of them turn into successful marriages (30%). In other words, the chances of your husband being happy with this woman is less than 2%. His real happiness lies in a relationship with you, but right now he can't see that possibility.
The reason that you couldn't make your marriage work these past four years has been because he's been having an affair all this time. And the reason his affair has not died a natural death by now is that it's been kept secret. Once his affair has been made public, there's a pretty good chance that it will die a natural death fairly soon (within 2 years). And once the affair dies, and your husband is out of the fog, there's a good chance that your marriage will recover.
We'll do our best to help you through this crisis, whether your marriage recovers or not. When I first started recommending openness about an affair, I wasn't sure what would happen. But I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I know that for most couples it marks the beginning of recovery. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Listen to Baron - he's 100% right! Each time I too felt "cannot be" advice given to me here turned out to be perfect!
Your WW will take you for a ride of your life. I know. I've been on this ride since over 3 months now!
Me: 42
WW: 41
Married: 16 years
Known each other: 21 years
S12 D10.5
A Started: Nov 8, 2008
First Discovery: Dec 26th ("Just a Friend" excuse)
Big D-day: Jan 10th (Recorded evidence of full-blown A)
WW Moved out: Feb 1st, 2009.
Plan B started: Feb 13th, 2009.
D Papers served on me by WW: Feb 17th, 2009.
Plan B currently blown, A continues!
WW moved back into home: Feb 23rd, 2009.
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Moncouer,
I hate to tell you this, but it's the reality:
You've lost your wife. She's gone. You have no children or "family" for her to want to come back.
You appear to be in a very very small number of BHes that I've seen on these forums that get drug along by their cheating wives for YEARS. The BH hangs on and "hopes" and is Mr. Nice Guy, afriad to move to Plan B or do anything that upsets WW, such as Plan B and actually filing for divorce while WW goes on to OM#2, 3, and 4.
The BEST way to act right now is as if she's lost forever with one exception: Make sure you expose to the universe that the marriage is ending because she's cheating.
Pis$ing her off should be the least of your worries right now. Your wife is dead and has been replaced by an alien that looks like her and simply wants to hurt you.
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He was up all night. Probably will be on later tonight or in the morning.
Maybe he is just busy exposing.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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HOLY CHRISTMAS!!!! WAIT TILL SPRING BREAK! So, you can spoil her fun. Dude, don't you think she's had enough fun? It's time to knock her back into reality! EXPOSE!! You've made excuse after excuse. It's apparent you don't like confrontation. What have you got to lose. You need to make that relationship as uncomfortable as possible. There's a very go chance that this guy will bolt thinking " This just isn't worth the aggrevation." And he'll through your wife under the bus. IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN IF YOU JUST SIT BY AND WATCH!
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See...they are making me feel that if I tell everyone it'll only leave her permanently shamed in the family...that everyone will always look at her as the adulterer.
They are telling me that since she's willing to talk to a very good counselor to wait.
I've already told a couple people and she knows.
I'm skeptical because some of you who say do it have only 60 something posts and just me talking about this I've come close to that as well.
Your talking about my life here and badgering me in some cases.
I get that this is to help but I've done enough dumb things due to irrational pressures on my own.
I JUST found this concept. So...with a little respect. Allow me to gestate and do something that I THOUGHT about longer than a day or so.
So far my worst mistakes have all happened from "reacting." Let me have a moment and think about "acting".
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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They think I want to do this out of vengeance, they understand she is in a fantasy world but don't believe that this is the right course.
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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Moncouer,
If you have found a better peer group than MB, as in "they", then by all means, follow the impetus of "they" and good luck to you in your future.
I'm quite sure "they" have not been a clinical phycologist for over 35 years dealing with addictions and their coresponding predictable behavior. But if you wise family and friends know better, with zero experience, Good Luck to you my friend.
This will most certainaly be the last time I waste my energy on one who know better.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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See...they are making me feel that if I tell everyone it'll only leave her permanently shamed in the family...that everyone will always look at her as the adulterer. This is what I thought they'd say. They are telling me that since she's willing to talk to a very good counselor to wait. Yeah, she might be willing to go to a counselor, but why? If she's already dead-set on divorce her only goal may be to "let you down easy." And appease her own guilt. I've already told a couple people and she knows. Good. If she is so much in love, what is there to be ashamed of? I'm skeptical because some of you who say do it have only 60 something posts and just me talking about this I've come close to that as well. Hey!! I resent that!!  I have WAAAAAAY more than 60 posts!!  But seriously, no one wants to see you go through what a lot of us went through. I suffered for months carrying their ugly little secret around. And WHY? It was THEIR secret, not mine!! I was at the VERY end of my tether when I finally exposed. No one here wants to see you go through that same thing because you are trying to reach out to someone who is NOT HEARING you because they are so focused on themselves and their lover. Your talking about my life here and badgering me in some cases. You're right. Please see paragraph above, ditto that here. I am sorry if you feel badgered. We are worried about you, that is all. I get that this is to help but I've done enough dumb things due to irrational pressures on my own.
I JUST found this concept. So...with a little respect. Allow me to gestate and do something that I THOUGHT about longer than a day or so.
So far my worst mistakes have all happened from "reacting." Let me have a moment and think about "acting". Okay, stick around and read and get some more advice. I know we are a bunch of faceless strangers to you but we really do care. That's why everyone gets so wild-eyed when they see someone being taken advantage of. They think I want to do this out of vengeance, they understand she is in a fantasy world but don't believe that this is the right course. Vengeance has nothing to do with it. And I'm sure they are questioning why a bunch of strangers want to help, too. There are people out there that really care about others. I felt all alone, family or not. When I came here it really turned my life around for the better. And thanks a million to everyone here who helped with that!!! Charlotte
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Me: 42
WW: 41
Married: 16 years
Known each other: 21 years
S12 D10.5
A Started: Nov 8, 2008
First Discovery: Dec 26th ("Just a Friend" excuse)
Big D-day: Jan 10th (Recorded evidence of full-blown A)
WW Moved out: Feb 1st, 2009.
Plan B started: Feb 13th, 2009.
D Papers served on me by WW: Feb 17th, 2009.
Plan B currently blown, A continues!
WW moved back into home: Feb 23rd, 2009. Are you doing this right now too? And your wife is back home? Affair done?
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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