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#2228672 03/11/09 02:39 PM
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I found out almost two months ago that my husband had an affair while out of town on a long term assignment. He has been home almost that long and has refused to break it off with her. I am doing my best to do Plan A. I know what his EN are and am doing my best to meet those.

My question is about exposure. I've told most of my family and friends, but haven't told his family and friends. Who should I tell and how should I tell them? E-mail, Phone call, some other way? I can't talk to most of these people in person. And how much should I tell them? Bare information or all the details? I also have a way of contacting the OW's sister. Should I do this? It would have to be through e-mail.

I guess my main concern is that I do this how God wants me to. I have been praying for guidance and reading a lot about Plan A. Thanks for all your advice!


Me: BS, 31
Him: WH, 31
Married: 9 yrs
Kids: DD, 18 mo
D-Day: 1/22/09
In Plan A
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Hi - I'm no expert but I told my MIL and FIL, they were appauled and they told the rest of the family. His brothers who are married with children called him out! The OW sister? I would say if the OW doesn't have a H. Then call the OW yourself. The impact is very heavy. You have small children she should Back off!! The out of town things is good in some respects but you have to really snoop to find contact information.

Last edited by oceanspray; 03/11/09 03:02 PM.
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Originally Posted by rlmoore1
I guess my main concern is that I do this how God wants me to. I have been praying for guidance and reading a lot about Plan A. Thanks for all your advice!

Exposure is your greatest weapon against adultery. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure is like chemotherapy to cancer. God would want you to defend your family from this assault and stand up for them.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

I would simply get on the phone and start calling his family members. Tell them the facts of the affair, tell them you want to save your marriage, and [very important!] ask for their advice. When you ask for their advice, they have a tendency to want to help you.

Your children should also be told. Children can deal with the truth, they cannot deal with lies. Your H can explain to them LATER why he is committing adultery and hurting his family like this. But YOU should be the one to tell them the truth.

The OW's family - all of them - should be told that she is messing with a married man with children. If your mother could call her mother and ask her to persuade her DD to leave your H alone, that would be great.

If this is a workplace affair, then send a certified letter to Human Resources.

Everyone should know about his adultery. Exposure ruins affairs. It might not kill them instantly, but it sure hastens their death when everyone is looking at you with horror.

These exposures need to be done in the same day. That way you are not pre-empted by the infidels who will spin you as a "jealous nut who is imagining things." The story needs to come FROM YOU.




"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I would have this thread moved over to General Questions 11 where there is much more traffic. Just click on the bottom of the post on notify and ask the mods to move it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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If distance is an issue, I'd call those you or WH are closest to but definetely his parents. I wouldn't be calling/emailing distant relatives though. I would also not divulge all the gory details either. Keep it simple - WH is cheating, you have proof, he's refusing to break it off, you have a child to consider, are looking for support/advice, etc.

If you know OW's name or any pertinent info about her that you know of, tell them. Put a name to OW. My inlaws and family know OW as First Middle Maiden name Last Name, who lives in X city, mother of children name#1, name#2 and name#3, and is (insert other pertinent info). My OW would be mortal danger if she ever showed her face to my inlaws. cool

If you have her sister's email, I'd let her know of her sister's lovely behavior too. flirt You don't have to be nasty but be firm.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt

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