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A subject on a completely unrelated forum raised some questions for me. Is there such a thing as infidelity in polygamous (or other) types of marriages? I imagine there must be, but how does it work? I'm sure in some societies, the WH just marries the OW makes her wife #x, but what if it's the WW who cheats? And it can't always be that simple either.

I'm not interested in the morality or lack thereof with this. Just the mechanics. Does anybody know? Has anyone from a non-traditional marriage come to MB seeking help? Could you even apply MB to this?

Curious minds want to know!

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I don't think you can apply MB to non-traditional marriages. MB supports a marriage between two people as far as I've read.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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Originally Posted by Tabby1
A subject on a completely unrelated forum raised some questions for me. Is there such a thing as infidelity in polygamous (or other) types of marriages? I imagine there must be, but how does it work?

If they make up their own standards of what constitutes marriage, then wouldn't it only follow that they make up their own standard on what [or IF?] constitutes infidelity?

I don't see how marriage builders could possibly address that question since it is based on tradition marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Makes sense I suppose. Although it would bring a whole new dimension to exposure if there were other wives involved!

I guess it's just an area I know nothing about. I know there are some highly structured cultures that practice polygamy - heck, there are cultures whose entire family structures are completely alien to us westerners. I suppose another reason they don't come here is because HERE is completely alien to them. I just wonder if infidelity is something that plagues them too, or is it limited to what we consider to be a traditional marriage?

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Originally Posted by Tabby1
Makes sense I suppose. Although it would bring a whole new dimension to exposure if there were other wives involved!

I guess it's just an area I know nothing about. I know there are some highly structured cultures that practice polygamy - heck, there are cultures whose entire family structures are completely alien to us westerners. I suppose another reason they don't come here is because HERE is completely alien to them. I just wonder if infidelity is something that plagues them too, or is it limited to what we consider to be a traditional marriage?

I gotcha. Sort of like a culture that practices human sacrifice or pedophilia, therefore, it is not murder or pedophilia, but a cultural alternative.

What are these highly structured cultures that practice polygamy? France?

I suppose if they were practicing polygamy, then it wouldn't be infidelity, right? We have had ppl who came here and called infidelity different things, such as "polygamy," "3-D marriage," "swinging," "just friends," etc, etc, etc..... If you are making up the rules as you go along, then I guess anything goes.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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LMAOPIMP rotflmao

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shaddup, Spanky! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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What does LMAOPIMP stand for? I get the LMAO, just the PIMP part.

Mel, are you saying France practices Polygamy? Is that what you are saying? France is very near and dear to my french loving heart. JSYN

Tabby,

I'm very liberal, way more liberal than most of the very non liberal people here, and I can't wrap my mind around polygamy. It's so far out there to my way of thinking, even.

I don't know, I guess they got a problem if they don't like one of the partners. But if they like all the partners, then they don't (have a problem that is). That's all I can figure.


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pee
in
my
pants

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If the man can just marry his cheating partner, then why can't the woman just marries her as well?

Why the double standard? Why can a polygamus husband marry his OW, but the polygamus wife not marry her OM.

Maybe that is where the problem lies, in the double standard.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
shaddup, Spanky! grin
hey Spanky, Reno starts in 3 weeks ... get the keg ready

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LOL, Pep.

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Originally Posted by weaves
LOL, Pep.
PIMP Weaves

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Originally Posted by weaves
Mel, are you saying France practices Polygamy? Is that what you are saying? France is very near and dear to my french loving heart. JSYN

I dunno who does, weaves! that is why I am asking... think


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Believe you me, I am ALL ABOUT setting our OWN standards as we go along. I live in a facist police state where the speed limits are too damn low. I have tried to explain to these people that my standard may not be THEIR STANDARD on a given day. IT ALL DEPENDS ON MY MOOD. I wear a MOOD RING as my driving guide, actually. smile

That is my standard and, unfortunately, these folks here seem to be a tad bit rigid and intolerant.

I have a constitutional RIGHT to the pursuit of happiness and they seem to have missed that little item in the Constitution. sigh



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Tabby1 Offline OP
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Weaves, that's just my problem - I can't get my head around it. I'm not talking about somebody in western society choosing to live an alternative lifestyle - though I'm sure that has it's own set of problems. There are even a few western cult-like groups, though I'd rather leave those out of this since there are often alterior motives involved. But there are cultures where polygamy is the norm. Some muslim cultures as well as a number of aboriginal peoples of many places live this way. They aren't just swinging or making it up as they go along. They have all kinds of rules and rituals that they believe in as strongly as we believe in ours. I know virtually nothing about them, except that they exist.

For example, from Wikipedia:
Quote
Patterns of occurrence worldwide

According to the Ethnographic Atlas Codebook, of the 1231 societies noted, 186 were monogamous. 453 had occasional polygyny, 588 had more frequent polygyny, and 4 had polyandry.[2] At the same time, even within societies which allow polygyny, the actual practice of polygyny occurs relatively rarely. There are exceptions: in Senegal, for example, nearly 47 percent of marriages are multiple.[5] To take on more than one wife often requires considerable resources: this may put polygamy beyond the means of the vast majority of people within those societies. Such appears the case in many traditional Islamic societies, and in Imperial China. Within polygynous societies, multiple wives often become a status symbol denoting wealth and power. Similarly, within societies that formally prohibit polygamy, social opinion may look favorably on persons maintaining mistresses or engaging in serial monogamy.


Lots of this type of info is available. I suppose I could simply research a bunch of different polygamous societies and see what comes up.

BTW, the jokes are funny and I am laughing, but I'm also very curious as to whether infidelity is a problem in western culture, a problem with monogomous marriages in general, or if it is a universal marital problem.

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Originally Posted by Tabby1
BTW, the jokes are funny and I am laughing, but I'm also very curious as to whether infidelity is a problem in western culture, a problem with monogomous marriages in general, or if it is a universal marital problem.


Honestly, I have read this 3-4 times and I still don't get it. think

Oh well..


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Tabby,

I don't know if infidelity is a problem in non western societies like it is here. I don't know the answer to that.

I know some countries kill women for cheating and the man can do whatever he wants.

Personally, I think non-monagamy is counter to our basic human make up, but there are others who think is very much our basic human make up.

I got in a discussion with someone on here once because I said animals normally mate for life, and apparently that is not true. So then I said we are not animals then, we're human.

Spiritually, I don't think infidelity is productive to our growth. I think it is very, very destructive.

It's interesting though, hey? Except for the polygamy which I just think exploits women (or better said young girls).




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Just reading on in the same article:
Quote
Thailand
Until polygamy was outlawed by King Rama VI, it was expected that wealthy or upper-class Thai men were historically recognized to maintain mansions consisting of multiple wives and their children in the same residence. Among the royalty and courtiers in the past, wives were classified as principal, secondary, and slave. Today, the tradition of minor wives still remains, but the practice is different from that of the past. Due to the expense involved, minor wives are mostly limited to the wealthy men. While a "proper woman" (Kulasatrii; Thai: กุลสตรี) must remain faithful to her husband, there were no equivalent rules in history mandating fidelity in the "virtuous man."
Regardless of the historical acceptance, male polygamy or plural marriage is no longer legally or socially acceptable in the contemporary Thai society. However, the practice of having "minor wives" (Mia-Noi: เมียน้อย) continues in modern days in secrecy from the "primary wife" (Mia-Luang: เมียหลวง).[14] Almost all married Thai women today object to this practice, and indeed for many it has been grounds for divorce.[15] Minor wives are viewed with contempt by the Thai society along the lines of being amoral women or home breakers.[16]


Funny, but thinking of OW as a "minor wife" gives me a bit of a chuckle.

This is the only thing I've come across with regards to infidelity in such a marriage.


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Originally Posted by weaves
I know some countries kill women for cheating and the man can do what ever he wants.

In Saudi, our niece, an Army nurse, witnessed a young 15 year old Saudi girl being STONED TO DEATH in the public square for getting pregnant. I would venture to guess there is not much cheating going on in Saudi.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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