Here's my story. It is long but I need advice. In Nov my H moved out. Said he was leaving because our M was in trouble and if he were on his own then he could appreciate me better. We had been going through a hard time so I accepted his reasoning. Then he started talking to a former female coworker who started going over. I questioned him about it and told him I was not comfortable, he assured me that nothing would ever be going on between them because of what happened the year before. What happened? My H and this lady had an EA. It started when he left his job to work close to home. They had started emailing each other that they missed each other and met for a lunch date and emailed each other on how much fun they had. I found out the when I checked his e-mail and guessed his password. I copied the emails and sent them to the OWH. Her H was very upset and even called me to talk. They had both agreed that they would not email or see each other again and that even they knew it was all a mistake. About a month later OWH died, it was a car accident due to a sezsuire. My husband felt very guilty as sezsures were caused by stress and he knew that what he did to this man was stressful. We both went to the memorial service and I thought that this lady would then be gone from both of our lives forever. WRONG! A year later she was talking to him again and hanging out. On Christmas Day I was ready to leave when I found his phone and saw an IM session between the two of them. The message was that she was going to buy a house and he could help her with some repairs. He blew it off as nothing but what I did get from his phone was a screen name with an email address. We had been out of town during Christmas and we got back home on New Years Eve. Early in the day I had told him that I no longer wanted to be with him, I meant it, he had been treating me so badly and was not meeting any of my needs. He then said to give him 2 weeks of his BS and then he would move back to the house to really work on things. My H decided he would go out with his friends. Thats when I got into his email and found out everything, D-Day 12/31/08. Not only was he having an affair with this lady but it had been going on sicnce May, that was only 5 months after her H died. They could only communicate through email as my H knew that I get the phone bill and would have known right away if I saw her number. I read everything, I know most of the details about the affair through the emails and I know what feelings were involved, at least what was written, I know when they were together and when she was worried about him because he didn’t show up, it was usually because he was with me. In the emails he also told her so many lies about himself. But wait, the OW had sent him pictures of them together (pictures are pornographic in nature) and I saw that email and those pictures came up on my computer screen. What I couldn’t understand is why he never erased anything, he was having an A and felt perfectly fine that evidence existed. I texted both of them when I found out to let them know that I knew. He was on his way to the house within 15 minutes of the text. When he got there he seemed to be more worried about the pictures and what I was going to do with them then about me. That got me upset even more. He said he was sorry and that he would never see her again and that he loved me and he wanted us to work out and he couldn’t live without me. That lasted for a week, and then he was up to the same old things. I went to her apartment one night and low and behold he was there helping her move. It was over for me at that point. He comes back to me saying that he had promised her awhile back that he would help her move to her house and that he was just fulfilling a promise, I thought “ What about the promise you made to me when we got married, you really weren’t that concerned in keeping that one”. I tried Plan A with immediate results. Once she was in her house he did send her an email that he could no longer see, talk or email her.
I admit it, I made mistakes in this marriage but I know I didn’t deserve this. I took advice from this website and started paying attention to his needs and in turn I see him trying harder and we are talking more then before. It has worked out really well. Here’s my problem, we are trying to work things out, it has actually been going good. We are going on a vacation next week to the Caribbean and we have been doing a lot of things together, going out, shopping, rock climbing, everything has been fun. The thing is I don’t know if I want to stay in this marriage. Yes, we are doing better but I can not get those pictures out of my mind and knowing the details is making this whole process really hard. He tells me that what he wrote in those emails were a lot of lies. That he just wanted ah friendship from her and he told her those things because he didn’t want for her to stop talking to him, I don’t believe him? I have been working on this but I don’t feel my H has. He has moved back to the house but to me it is like the same thing as before. He watches TV and does his own thing. He rarely helps me with the kids and house work, for me those are 2 of my top 5 needs. I am ready to give up, why would I want to be with someone that could do this to someone else? I don’t think I could look at him the same way ever. He has destroyed a huge part of me and I don’t know if I can forgive him. Another thing, I want to tell the OW off so bad. I knew her from when my H and her worked together, I had taken care of her daughter once at my house and even went to the little girls B-day party and had gone over to her house several times. After the EA she had emailed me to tell me that she was sorry and what she did was unforgivable and we even talked after her H died. What is her problem going along with this?
Last edited by SmilyChick101; 03/12/09 02:36 PM.
