Monk,
What do you know about OM? The reason I ask is I fear that you don't, at this point, really know what your WW's top EN's are.
But, rest assured, your WW's OM does know. I suspect you are a good man who has been missing the mark for years because you don't really know your WW enough.
You wouldn't be the first or last spouse to do so. That's why A's are so prevelant in M's. Aproaches 55% of all M's. That is a pretty depressing thouht, but it would seem to be true. For the record, I have been M'd 39 years. That's 13 years before you were born. Both of my sons are at least 10 years older than you.
But if I thought that an A would strike my M while we we professing vows to each other, I would have never said "I DO", but rather "HECK NO."
Things can and often do go sour in a M, But it is not an excuse for an A. Excuses are a33holes, everybody's got one.
Having said the above, I question if there is a chance for this M to recover? If your WW would return to the M, what would you do? Would you put her in a glass cage and guard her like the crown jewels? Isn't she responsible to guard you and your M in the same mannor and fashion as you? Ask yourself truly, under the current state of mind that she is in, is she ever going to be capable of doing that in a way that you can be happy and confident of that?
I just wonder sometimes, at such a young age, why you can't see that this decision to marry, may have been a horrible mistake. Im my case, we had been M'd and raised a family for nearly 32 years. We both had a huge stake and investment in our lives dedicated to each other. Doesn't decrease the pain, but, makes R a more plausible solution and desire.
From Dr Harley:
Why do I encourage an apology when the Takers are adamantly opposed to offering them? Because an apology is really in order (they did, in fact, hurt each other), and it also helps settle down the Takers, as long as they both apologize. S.C.'s wife knows that she did the wrong thing when she had an affair. It's her defensive Taker that will not let her apologize. But if she could let her defenses down for one moment and honesty express her Giver's regret for what she had done, it would give S.C. some encouragement.
So Monk, there needs to be something here that Dr David Carder qoutes in his book entitiled "Torn Assunder," called "Godly Sorrow" on the part of the betrayer. Without it, there will never be R. Does this sound even remotely close to what your WW is offering you.
I'm just saying..........
Your choice, in spite of what your wounded heart is telling you......
I do wish you all the best.
All Blessings,
Jerry
Keep on this plan of action!