You don't love them and weren't thinking about them when your anatomy refused to stay locked up inside your underwear.

You're being "blackmailed" into violating the commitment you made to your wife and children in order to "protect" them?

Uhh huh...sure...that makes total sense. And when you try to use that as your excuse when your BS finds out, do you really think it will work? "Please believe me, I had to keep having sex with her because it would have hurt you and the kids too much if I stopped."

Good luck with that.

JS,

I don't understand what other advice you expected to receive here. Were you hoping (as many affairees are) to hear that you are a good little boy, have done nothing wrong, and should just continue living a lie???

Sorry, JS, but this is "MarriageBuilders.com" not "Avoiding-responsibility-for-my-affair.com"...the line "I just can't do it" is the lame-est, wussy-est bunch of BS ever. You already DID IT (the affair)!!! You own it and you own the consequences.

Face your actions, conquer your fears, and be a man--end the affair and come clean to your wife in honesty, sincerity, and humility.

You are responsible for creating the complication and you have used the other woman. You aren't the victim here... your wife is... and she deserves the truth FROM YOU.

yes...

I need to do both. Stop the affair and confess all to my wife.

I was looking for a bit of understanding but the hard truth came out. I'm worth absolutly nothing and don't deserve anything that I have. May god help me be brave.

Last post...

Bye

****edit****

That was uncalled for.

Yes, stop your affair and confess to your wife.

While she has the absolute right to leave you, you may be surprised. Many women after the initial shock, want to work on their marriages.

Leaving here...one of the few places that can HELP you get thru this and help you help your wife thru this is not a very sensible decision. Stop thinking with your feelings. Do the right thing. We'll help.

My H sounded very much like you. He wanted to stop the A, but "couldn't". He was certain I would leave him. Even though I had always said I would in that situation, I didn't. As it was, I discovered the A. He immediately felt relief that he did not have to carry that secret any longer. I got rid of OW for him (because he couldn't). However, this path was MUCH more difficult (certainly for me, maybe for both of us) than if he had told me himself.

If you are still reading here, take a deep breath and TELL your wife. If you want your M, TELL her you do. Offer to do whatever it takes to restore it. And most importantly, STOP BEING SELFISH and start being CARING to your family.

BTW, if you end up carrying on the A, you very probably will be discovered. Affair partners can get very sloppy or one of them will look for a way to force the relationship. When my H didn't indicate a desire for a long term relationship with OW, she conveniently texted our house in the middle of the night. That's what led to discovery. She thought I would leave; but as I said, I didn't.

AM

Don't quit on us! You know what you need to do. TELL HER! And tell her EVERYTHING! Don't let the OM have any ammunition to use against you. Tell her all in one fail swoop. Don't trickle-truth her but giving her just a little, then some more truth, then more later. Tell her everything in one shot.

We BS's have a great deal of difficulty with questioning our WS's commitment to the M and R.

This is partly because WE discovered the A, making us think that the only reason it ended was because our WS was caught.

We think ' how long would WH have continued to lie if we had not caught them'.
This is a huge stumbling block along with many others.

Yes, this whole situation is horrible for you but it is 100x worse for your W. I can guarantee you that she senses things are not quite right, but does not know why.

This is no longer about you or OW, use that last ounce of respect for your BW (if any is left) and confess.

Then stick around to clean up your mess.

Puke it all out at once. We also have trouble with feeling like we don't know everything if things don't make sense. It will catch up with you and hurt her more.
I guarantee that too.

How old are your kids?

You have a much better chance of keeping your wife if you tell her than if she finds out herself. EVen so, she has a RIGHT to choose who she is married to and you have no right to deny her that choice. You cannot continue to deceive her into staying married to you based on a LIE. She is not your poodle, she has every right to make the decisions about her own life.

How in the world would you feel if your wife stayed married to you only because she believed you were something you ARE NOT? How will it feel to know you can only keep her if you DECIEVE HER? How will it feel looking in the mirror knowing that?

Secondly, she needs to know so she can protect herself and her children from you. You are dangerous to your family right now. Tell your wife the truth, js. Choose to be a man rather than a cockroach who hides in the dark.

The solution to infidelity is honesty, not more lies, js. You are compounding the crime.