Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
#2233608 03/24/09 08:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
But sooner or later it comes. I'm 5 years past DD day. I tried for a long time to save the marriage, but failed.

My life is good again and I'm so glad that I did try. I can look back with no regrets.

The "soulmates" aren't doing so well. The OW was kicked out of her house by her BH. She now lives with her BH's sister. OW, after being a SAHM for 15 years is working, but still can't afford her own place.

My ex called me today and wants to know if he can move in with me and be roommates. Seems he can't afford his own place. I felt like telling him to look up his "soulmate" again, but didn't.

All of you who are going through H*ll, please realize that affairs almost never last.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
Affairs "almost never" last. Wish it were "never" last. Almost sucks. Where is that bus? Karmarose is suppose to be driving it.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Gotta love the bus.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
yep! they never last, so when the WS comes back after they have exhausted all their means, then they can see who is and always have been for them. He sounds like a sick puppy. Maybe he has turned his self around and will never cheat again, he is to scared.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
believer, I needed to hear about this bus tonight. The word Karma keeps popping in my head these days. For WH for OW. I think I am hearing the swinging of the bus door a few blocks away. What a great word -- KARMA

5 years I can wait..easily and see the train wreck (oops karma bus)


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
Karma, what goes around comes around, no matter how long it takes, maybe after 5 years it is beginning to show him wearing down. shame and quilt did not give up on him. he is human with a consious as well. his life will never be the same. the karma bus is slow but steady. universal law!

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
....but it's consistent smile

I'm a firm believer that what goes around comes around!!


Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
> The Karma bus is slow

but it's thorough...


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 799
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 799
Oh believer, you are a better woman than I for not doing at least a small dance about this, a little schadenfreude would certainly accompany this news for me.

It looks like you are riding the Peace Train (your Karma for trying so hard) while the Karma Bus is knocking your WH right off his feet.

My apologies to Cat Stevens and John Lennon. blush


BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons

D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.

Started real recovery 07/15/10
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Believer -- what did you say?? What was your answer??

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
I told him that unfortunately, I already have a roommate who is working out quite well. When my ex rode off into the sunset with the OW, he stopped giving me money or paying any bills. I scrambled to survive and found a roommate who now has a proven track record.

In those dark days when he abandoned me, a MB member - Lostandhurt even offered to send me money to make my house payment. That gave me the strength to make it on my own. So a complete stranger cared more than my WH.

As for the OW, her BH found a lovely girl from Australia while he was in Dubai. They are getting married in April. He had let his WW live with him until he met the new (by the way, much prettier, younger, and richer) woman. Then he asked WW to move. She moved out on her own and lasted only 4 months, and then had to move in with her BH's sister.

The way things worked out is so satisfying. Goes to show that relationships that start out in sin seldom end in happiness. It may take some time, but sooner or later justice prevails.

For those who think that the affairees are doing fine and have not had to face the consequences of their choices, I would caution with the old AA saying, "Not yet".

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Quote:
I would caution with the old AA saying, "Not yet".
I know this so well.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
B-

You have always been my role model. Your age, length of marriage, etc is so close to my sitch. And our WH's - wow, they must be brothers. My WH is doing all of the ugly things that yours did. My atty recommended that I look at filing bankruptcy. But like you, MB friends have given me the courage to fight. My heart was so touched when many people here that we don't even really know sent us baby gifts to help us through.

And the Karma bus? Maybe it will come. Who knows. I'm not sure I even care anymore.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Queenie - Yes, we all have to remember "Not yet".

Chai - That is the sad part. By the time the Karma bus comes around, we might not care anymore.

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
I used to wait for the Karma bus to catch up to my WW. then I found that I was spending so much time waiting for her Karma bus to come my bus passed me by.

Well got a new bus schedule, and am now on a new ride.

I don't know when her bus will show up, I know it will I just try not to let it bother me anymore.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
In a way, I almost feel sorry for my WH. His health has gone way downhill, OP has a gambling issue and is probably draining him, he travels and now lives in an apartment, never gets to see his DD or grandchild, and has to be worried about keeping his physically demanding job at his age.

Hmmmm....maybe that is the Karma Bus.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
Lemme tell you about the Karma Tank.

Our CNC router operator is a BH who's WW cheated on him with a co-worker at his last job.

He beat the everlovin carp out of the guy and they BOTH lost their jobs.

Anyways he starts to work here six months ago and I REALLY like the guy.

He was headed into work Monday morning and lost control of his motorcycle and it went down a ravine.

He's in a coma and extremely busted up. I don't expect him to live, much less ever come back to work.

Get this, his WW calls up here asking if his check can be made out to her as she can't get into his checking account to pay the bills.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
Believer,

""My ex called me today and wants to know if he can move in with me and be roommates.""

Ya gotta love em, donchya?

Hope you told him "It's spring now buddy, you can go bunk on the beach."

TOO MUCH!! rotflmao

kirk


CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
Pariah,

Sounds like the tank hit the wrong person. You did mean the BH, right?


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
Originally Posted By: ChaiLover
Pariah,

Sounds like the tank hit the wrong person. You did mean the BH, right?


Yes, the Karma Tank got the wrong person.

BIG TIME.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 42 guests, and 51 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,525
Posts2,322,541
Members71,672
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5