Good! Tell him that you are willing to quit your job. End it with OM with your husband listening. Write a NC letter to him, let your husband send it. Send your husband here for support. You're both going to need it.

If you are afraid of his reaction, why did you get involved in the first place? You weren't afraid then.

You only think there is a choice now. If you were found out (and you will be, unless your husband is an idiot) you would realize that your boss means nothing in comparison to your marriage and family. Literally, your only hope is to tell your husband. If you don't it would be much worse. At least this way, you will at least show him what is important to you. If you didn't tell him. You would just be another cheating skank who was busted trying to have it all. At least like this, he may think "well maybe she is sorry and wants to save our marriage". The other way, you're done.

Take the time to read up about infidelity on this website. Think about what you are willing to do to save your marriage and help your husband and family heal - whether he stays with you or not. Do you really fear for your physical safety or or you afraid of his emotional reaction?

I can understand that I have a 2yr old. And I have been worried that my husband has been having an affair. And I'm afraid of what that would do to our family. But we are having different problems and may still end up splitting up. I suggest discussing what it would mean for your children if you did split up. Let each other know what you want for your family. Tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what you hope for the future. You may find that he feels and hopes for something similar. But that's just what I would do. And what I did do.

It will mean more to your husband that you ended the affair on your own and told him before he happened across the information. My husband cheated and admitted to nothing and didn't stop until I found out. Everyday I wish that he had found the strength to stop on his own and admit his guilt. Your telling him the whole truth yourself and ending the affair is much better. It will still be incredibly painful for him. But, it must be done. Living a life built on lies is not much of a life.

i'm not sure. He has a bad temper at times. I'm worried that he would go to my workplace and assault my boss ( adultery partner)

Has he ever been violent with you or your children?

Then tell him tonight after closing hours.

Better yet, why not call the OM and tell him your affair is over and that you will be telling your husband? Tell him he needs to be prepared for an [censored] whooping and to lie low.

Does your husband have any inkling that there is an affair going on?

How did you explain a trip to the Caribbean with another male while your husband was tking care of home?

Quite possibly he has known that there is something quite not right but cant figure out the situation.

Your husband and kids have been living a lie for the last 5 mos thinking they have a wife and mother. This is abuse.

This is a good idea. I would do it right before my husband got home so your boss can't contact him first. You want your husband to hear this from you.

I just want to add my voice to the chorus on here advising you that you MUST tell your H as soon as possible.

You say that friends and family tell you to keep your secret and keep him in the dark. It's such despicable and shocking advice to give. Truly!

How many of your friends and family know? These are people who know more about your poor H's life than he does. You must know that this cannot go on for a moment longer.

I take it he was home watching your children whilst you took off with the OM? How did you manage to pull that off?

You sound very depressed, but please know that you will only begin to feel better when this shameful thing is exposed. Please tell your H, and please be very careful how you do it as he will remember the moment for the rest of his life. Be compassoinate, and if you are sorry and remorseful, then show him.

I wish you luck.

You just have to do it in a way that your husband will understand that you are sorry. Remember to think about how he would do it if the rolls were reversed. How would he tell you? If you still love him make sure to tell him. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel. If you feel his temper building tell him that you feel the same way toward yourself. And that he has every right to be angry. But he should consider your children and he shouldn't do anything that he might regret. (like assaulting your boss)

he has been a little too rough at times when he gets angry

You are dancing around the question. Do you need backup when you tell him? You must ensure your safety and the safety of your children. If you need someone there, arrange it. Don't backout from telling him by using his potential reaction as an excuse. But maybe, a friend that he trusts, or a family member's presence would be helpful. Tell them first so they know what to expect. Pick the person carefully so it doesn't cause additional pain to your husband. Pick someone that he would confide in if possible. Have your kids somewhere else if necessary. You know your husband. Be kind and gentle but expect that he will be devastated.

Is that part of the reason you had an affair? You can suggest that you both get counseling whether individual or together. Especially if you feel that he may take it out on you. Or find a person that will be there to make sure he doesn't go crazy. I know that if i had an affair I would be scared of my husband too. He has never been violent with me, but I don't ever want him to be either, because he has a bad temper and is unpredictable with it. But keep you and your kids safety in mind. Find a safe way to tell him. I realize that some people are going to get on me for saying it that way. Because you are the one that did what was wrong, but you still deserve to be safe.

Write him a letter, and then read it to him. Ask him to wait till you are completely finished before he says or does anything.

You can also tell him that there is a potential lawsuit against your boss and if your husband goes postal on him, it will look bad. Whether or not you do sue, it may be a way to help your husband hold his temper.