Here's another possible way for you to sell your crafts:

Etsy

It's strictly for handmade items, vintage items, and craft supplies, and the fees are cheaper than Ebay.

TJ/ Cat, are you sure that's the right link? Thanks

/TJ

Sorry, try www.freecycle.org

I'll check those sites out. But what do I do to make my husband fall back in love with me. How do I prove to him that we are meant to be? How do I make him want to stay with me? We were in love once. I know we were. We used to have a lot of passion and romance. At one time you couldn't separate us. I'm not sure what to do. Do I try to show him that we really were once in love? Do I help him remember that he did love me at one time?

Or do I continue to give him his space and let him figure this out on his own? Yesterday we spent most of the day with his family. His mom, sister, brother and his wife. And we all went to the park and his mom and I sat back and watched the rest of them play with our son. It was hard for me to just sit back and watch but I knew that if I was over there with them he would be spending less time with them and most of it with me. And his mom and I talked about what was going on. He's a lot like his dad and that is part of the problem. His dad didn't really want anything to do with him and his siblings when they were little and eventually left when he was 6 and his bro was 2 sis was 1. So he's never seen what a good dad/husband is. Frankly neither have I. He realizes he's been acting like his dad, and he's finally trying to change. But I don't know how to help him.

I always believe conversation is the key to everything. Find reasons to talk to each other. Do a crossword puzzle and ask him to help you figure out the clues. Watch a documentary and ask him what he thinks about the subject. Ask him if he'll take a swing dancing class with you. Go on a day trip to somewhere you've never been before. Find a local college, and go there and just walk around the campus talking about how it makes you feel.

Fill your life up with 'good' time. So he'll come to associate 'good time' with you. No pressure, no rush, just intent on finding good things about life that you can experience together.

In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun... things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more.

After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce.

While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."

Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone.



Sound familiar Lacey? This is from Michele Weiner-Davis' article "The Walk-away wife"

I think you will soon find yourself in withdrawal -- rather than conflict with your husband. Then you will justify an affair. Because he doesn't care about you anyway.

And you will think you deserve some happiness for all that you have sacrificed and given up for your family.

Get help before this happens...

That sounds very familiar!! But I want to try something new. And right now we are in some major money trouble. And neither one of us really knows what to do, but we've been through this before. But for our relationship I am going to try to remind him how much he used to love me. I am going to bring out the letters that we used to write each other before I came down here to be with him. I am going to remind him how much he used to love me. And I'm going to make sure that he remembers how much fun we used to have and help him realize how much fun we can still have. And if that doesn't work then I guess its over. But I will not cheat. I don't care how bad it gets, I won't. I have the opportunity to when ever I want I know a few guys that would gladly take advantage of me. But I refuse because I will not cheat. I want to be held and kissed and romanced. But I won't risk everything for a little bit of pleasure that I don't even know is going to be satisfying. I'd rather have my husband either come around to dump me instead of cheat.

Lacey,
I am so sorry if you have felt attacked on other threads. That was not my intention at all. I hadn't seen your thread. You have been neglected here. I know that you don't buy in to all of the principles here yet - at least not for you. This stuff really can help though. The thing that helped me the most was to eliminate the Love Busters first. The next thing that has helped us is spending 25+ hours together each week (we are spending about 40 but don't have any children in the house anymore). Identify his top 5 emotional needs and get to work satisfying them. You have to build up his lovebank. If you can do this, he will naturally want to meet your needs as well if he is not seeing someone else. He is talking and acting like someone who may be approaching a zero or negative balance which is dangerous for a marriage. And, finally, don't think that he could not be having an affair. His distance and withdrawal from your marriage may be a sign of trouble. I'm not saying that he is having an affair. Just be aware of what may be going on. Don't blindly trust. Better to nip it in the bud IF something is going on.

Reminding him how he used to feel probably won't help him feel those feelings again. You have to meet his needs so he is actually feeling them now. What are his top emotional needs? You mentioned the questionaire a few posts back.

Thanks for the apology I appreciate that, but the thing is that I was jumped on for offering my opinion. I realize that it didn't go exactly with the way of MB, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't helpful. I have only tried to help, and got little in return. And I don't think I belong here, you all know that I don't. But I really do appreciate the apology. Thanks for all the fun drama, but I think I'll be stepping away from this site. I need to focus on finding a way to make my family some money anyway.

GL,

Get the book "Fall in Love/Stay in Love". I know money is tight, do you have a used book store nearby? Go to the top of the website and immerse yourself in the free articles by Dr. Harley. You cannot "make your H fall back in love nor will you "convince" him that he used to love you by showing him evidence. You need to lead him by filling his top EN's like your life depends on it.

GL -

Apparently not everyone agrees with this part of the MB welcome-

"The members of this community are peers and not professionals. This is a meeting place of people who have had some of the same problems you face. Each member shares their own experience, perspective, and opinion about various topics."

I hope you and Charlotte don't leave, as it gets boring when there is only ONE opinion tolerated. It gets old and stodgy.

AGAIN!!

Any problems, questions and/or concerns regarding MB, the forums or membership can be EMAILED to your listed mods and/or me!

I am going to suggest that this premise cuts BOTH WAYS. While folks are allowed to disagree with Marriage Builders, others are also allowed to DISAGREE WITH THEM. Tolerance, that I don't see being practiced here, should also be afforded to everyone, not just just who agree with you.

If GoddessLacey chooses to disagree with folks here, she should be prepared for folks to disagree WITH HER. In other words, tolerance of opinions cuts both ways. If you want to demand tolerance, you might want to be tolerant of others too.

I am always puzzled when folks think they are entitled to challenge others but think no one should be allowed to challenge THEM. I am not sure how that logic works.

Look every one needs to just calm down. I did not mean to cause such a ruckus. I am very well equipped to defend my reasoning. Because there is reason in my madness, however no one wanted to hear the reasoning. I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, I think way out side of the box and am used to having arguments. I was prepared for people to disagree with me, but honestly I didn't expect it to get so heated. Nor did I expect others to come out of the woodworks that agreed that I wasn't wrong for expressing a different view. I was not going entirely away from the teachings here. I am sorry that things got so crazy, I did not expect things to turn upside down. Everyone just needs to take a deep breath and try to relax. I am leaving the site, because I have already caused so much turmoil and I was merely trying to help and get help. But it has gotten so out of hand that it has turned into nothing but drama.

Hope you and Charlotte will stay. Don't worry about the drama -it happens from time to time. Probably just spring fever.......

Mel makes a logical point.

Tolerating an opinion is not the same as agreeing with it. Tolerating someone else's view simply means accepting that it is their view, and that they are as entitled as anyone else to hold a view, even if it differs from one's own.

However, challenging that opinion is equally valid. To be challenged is uncomfortable, but that doesn't make it an attack. In fact, to have one's thinking processes challenged is actually a mark of respect - you're being asked, as a functional adult, to explain how you arrived at your opinion.

Having expectations that others should be 'gentle' with one's opinions, seems to me a sign that childhood has not been entirely left behind. In the real adult world, opinions have to stand up under their own weight and prove their worth. After all, no-one is going to be 'gentle' with Barack Obama at the G20, and nor should they.

TA

GL, I am glad to hear you are calmer today than last night; you were getting pretty unhinged there. My suggestion would be to keep an open mind when folks disagree with you and try and listen to what they are saying instead of getting so upset. Many of the folks posting here HAVE recovered their marriages while you HAVE NOT. Good luck and God Bless!

The most important thing to remember, IMO is that you can't just remind him how he used to love you. Doesn't work. The mind doesn't work that way. Especially if you're both getting ENs met elsewhere.

You need to SHOW him why being with you is the best choice. Give him something to be excited to come home to. Are you spending 15 hours together each week? Do you know what his Emotional Needs are? Do you know how you Love Bust him?

Look if it was more of a debate than ok I can understand. I realize that my marriage is still in trouble, and I thought maybe Fred and I could bounce a few ideas off of each other. I am willing to defend my ideas if it was possible to get anyone to listen. It was not people taking their position behind their ideas, it was people telling me that what I was saying was wrong. That because I'm a newbie I shouldn't offer advice to others especially other newbies. I was basically told to shut my mouth. If I was asked why I said what I said I would have been able to have responded. In the beginning of Fred's thread I told him to be true to himself.
And I was told this "puhleeeeze doh2"

And then I suggested something that I was trying in my own marriage to maybe wipe the slate clean and start from scratch, because it might work. To move on you must forgive right?
And the responses I got were unsettling to me. I was not expecting the responses to seem so rude. I was not attacking anyone I was trying to help.

And this is what I was told.
"GoddessLacey, have you read any of the MB material? The focus and goal of Marriage Builders is to CREATE ROMANTIC LOVE by using the concepts. Of course they are not in love now, but that does not mean they can't fall in love. That is the whole POINT! Romantic love does not happen by osmosis, there is a formula that must be practiced."

I agreed that I hadn't read the books but I have read several of the articles, and stated exactly that. And then was told, "GL, just a suggestion, avail yourself of the books before you give advice here. No one ever said to "force it." The whole program of MB revolves around the concept of falling in love again. So, just because a couple is not in love today, does not mean they can't be in the future. There is no reason this man can't have that."

And no where in any of my posts did I say to Fred that He couldn't get his W back. This was my original post to Fred. Did I say anywhere that he couldn't get his wife back? "Well I can only tell you from my experience. Neither my husband or myself have had an affair (at least not that I know of) but we are in trouble. We have been doing a lot of talking and trying to figure out what is going on and what we are going to do. For now, since I am a stay at home mom and don't have any money I can't go any where right now. But I am also waiting for my husband to come around, I believe that he does still love me. So talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel. Make sure that she tells you the same. Give each other the chance to get your feelings out. And be as truthful as you can be."

I don't know, maybe I am wrong. I have been before and if I am I am willing to say so. But I think that even though what I said is not the exact way that MB teaches, I don't think that I was going against MB completely. And if so, then I apologize. I have been here many times before I signed up and I saw how some people get persecuted and I should have expected it, but I didn't.